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Release second book: “Mein bad”
Start learning German, fast.
Don’t invade Russia.
Reapply to art school
If it’s today (April 20th), celebrate my birthday.
Go to Anne Frank’s hideout, and personally knock on the door. The look on everyone’s faces would be priceless.
Edit: Forgot how to spell “go.”
Eva Braun, presumably.
So I wake up in control of Nazi Germany and I’m already at war with both Russia and the United States. The Americans aren’t over here in force but my assault into the Soviet Union is starting to stall. Here is my plan.
1) Cancel the Holocaust, this is obvious
2) I double down efforts to rebuild the Luftwaffe. Germany doesn’t stand a chance without it.
3) Forget most of the wonder weapons and speed up research on jet engines we’ll need them before 1945 to stand a chance.
4) Get the Army to start making some fucking half-tracks and trucks.
5) We’ll need oil and a lot of it. Iraq is easier to take over than Russia. Nazi’s are on the way to Baghdad.
6) I have Mussolini removed immediately and replaced with someone competent. Can’t have that dumbass screwing up the Axis.
7) I’m gonna do my best to build discontent and rebellion in the British colonies. The British can’t afford to fight a war in Europe and serious insurgencies in India, Africa and the Persian Gulf.
8) Hopefully the previous Hitler hasn’t royally fucked public opinion of the Nazis in Eastern Europe. We’re need a lot more soldiers than Germany can muster alone. I’ll be nice to the Eastern Europeans and start arming them to fight against the Russians. I’m guessing the Ukrainians, Estonians and Lithuanians are kind of fed up with Stalin by this point.
9) Get Franco to stop being a pussy and close of Gibraltar. Fascists don’t get to sit this one out and Spain is gonna need to join the Axis.
10) Get German women to work in the factories, we’ll need everything we can to stand up to the American war industry.
11) Share all of our tech with Japan, they’ll have a hard time winning in China or the Pacific without better tanks and rifles.
12) Stop the all front advance into the Soviet Union and concentrate on digging in and gaining the support of the locals (who I’m sure have no interest in returning to Stalinism).
13) Emphasize development of effective air defense. Need more radar, AA, fighters, focus on building SAMs instead of V-2s
14) Don’t have much of a Navy so the Axis are gonna need to get some form of Naval Aircraft to help prevent the Allies from crossing the English channel.
15) Probably still lose but if we can build up enough air defense to protect our industry and get those nukes first we’d stand a chance.
Invade the middle east, dig up that oil, dominate the world.
Make an AMA and finally make it to the front page of Reddit.
Listen to my generals
Change my name and identity to Tupac and start the hip hop revolution of the 40’s.
Pretend to be Charlie Chaplin.
Everything Hitler did + Nazi themed amusement park
“Ah yeah, I’m in the 40’s, I’m going to kill Hitler” looks in mirror. “Oh shit, I’m Hitler!”