You can add one rule to the Tour de France to make it more entertaining. What is it?

  1. The whole team has to ride a single tandem

  2. Mandatory performance enhancements. Doping, steroids, prosthetic limbs, methamphetamine, PCP, whatever. Everything is fair game.

    It will be like watching the Space Jam mutants on bicycles.

  3. The bicycle is now attached to a rickshaw. Competitors must stop and pick up tourists along the way.

  4. Have two races, one from start to finish and the other from finish to start. Give every participant a lance.

  5. One cyclist out of every team gets a pool noodle, which he may use to sabotage the competition in any way he sees fit.

    Think about how awesome it would be to see a bunch of grown men with their serious game faces on, participating in one of the most grueling tests of endurance and fortitude in all of sports, but also a few assholes mixed in just beating the shit out of people with pool noodles.

    It would be perfect.

  6. The only bikes allowed are those single-gear-back-pedal-to-break ones.

    Edit: yes, I get it. Fixed gear bikes are fixies. I mean the kids bike.

  7. Unicycles.

  8. A bucket of mystery pills.

    Every day, each racer eats one. Some are slow-action, some are fast-acting. Some are uppers, some are downers. Some are military-grade hallucinogens. Hell, some are just plain-old Viagra.

    The Tour-de-France becomes a struggle against your competitors, yourself, and the blue goblin trying to force-feed you spiders.

  9. The Running of the Bulls will now be held on the same day, on the same route. Both Spaniards and Bulls will now accompany the cyclists.

  10. All of these complicated things and I’m just sitting here thinking how fun it would be to have second place be the winner and first place come in last.

  11. Allow the teams to go on the offensive, forcing competitors off the course. This would probably force the teams to ride as groups separated from each other. As one team tries to pass another the ‘defenses’ of each would intermingle and chaos would ensue.

  12. Every rider has to drink five cups of coffee, eat five McDonald’s double cheeseburgers, and take five Ex-Lax tablets at the start of the race. At the end there’s a single toilet.

  13. We have the technology to include some Mario Kart type weapons. Green turtle, red turtle, banana. No blue turtle though – we’re only sticking with original SNES weapons. It’s the Tour of France after all, let’s have some respect for tradition.

  14. Bikers in teams, each member waits in a spot of the track. The previous biker has to pass a baguette to the next so he can start his part of the track.

    Baguette can’t fall on the ground.

  15. You can ride whatever you want without an engine. Obree styles, lie downs, creativity returns instead of drugging your way to the win.