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Cable guy here.
Dead cats behind entertainment centers.
Dildos all the time. One lady likes to call us and leave them out on purpose.
Slipped on a used condom once.
Piles of fly covered chicken bones 3ft high next to a brown stained sheetless mattress.
The wrong kind of sorority girls on a 8am call.
The right kind of sorority girls on an 8am call.
Piles and piles of porn mags.
Hoarding. So much.
A pair of tighty whiteys with a giant skid mark, sunny side up in the middle of the living room floor. We were like 12, maybe, and her whole family was just walking over and around it like it wasn’t there. I couldn’t stop looking at it in horror; I mean, it smelled! Their house wasn’t the cleanest, but it wasn’t a complete cesspool, either. I was totally grossed out, but she ended up being my best friend for 10 years, so I guess I got over it!
13 or so at a friends house and I found a stash of magazines filled with naked men. I couldn’t figure out why he would collect magazines with naked men. I was VERY naive back then.
edit: a word (thanks /u/return0)
True story: I was about 9 and visiting my grandmother for a few days. Being a bored kid in a neighborhood full of nice old people, I ended up at the house across the street eating lemonade and cookies.
He had a pistol in a display case on the mantel, and so I asked him about it. He said “Oh, that’s from an old client of mine. His name was Jack Ruby and he used it to kill a man named Lee Harvey Oswald who killed the president. Would you like to hold it?” Of course I accepted, and it was totally badass. Turns out he was Jack Ruby’s attorney and was given the gun after the trial. I asked my grandmother about it and she confirmed he wasn’t bullshitting.
It was around Christmas time when I was in high school. I went to a friend’s house and noticed there was a newspaper on the floor, under the cuckoo clock.
She said her mother always kept it there, just in case.
While taking care of the plants and animals of my neighbors house while they were away for the week, i felt like taking a look at what they have in the popsicle department. I looked in the freezer in their garage and found their dog… Their dog that had died a few years before… frozen…
Another dildo here. Not just any dildo.
A fucking horse dildo. In a (male) friends bedroom. At least 20″. Clearly well used (but clean, thank god). I can’t really judge, the twisted shit that gets me going, but still shocked me. I mean why? why? How is that even nice? Exactly how long do you expect your arse to last?
A five foot, full color, bloody, crucified Jesus statue.
It was the first thing I saw when I walked into my friends house the first time. I was 12 at the time and it freaked me out. I couldn’t understand why anyone would want that in their house. I thought they were psychopaths.
My friend had penis figures everywhere. Like, he had a hutch of penis figurines
It’s another dildo story…well kinda..
So I think I was about 7 years old and innocent when it came those things sexual as most of us were back then. I was the youngest by a long way in a large family and some of my siblings were already in their 20’s and had families of their own, but they included me like one of their own kids a lot so I have often out with my brothers or sisters. On this one occasion my brother and his wife took me over to their friend’s house and because the friends had a young son my age I was sent of with the kid to entertain ourselves.
After playing with all his toys, playing some games on his Sega, and being told to leave the adults alone as they played poker in the living room we eventually started exploring the other boy’s father’s office. In the bottom drawer (isn’t it always?) of his desk we hit the jackpot and after playing around, doing impersonations, and just generally doing dumb boy stuff we argued over who got to show the adults what we’d found. The other kid pulled rank because it was his house, so we marched up the hallway and burst into the living room and surprised the group of about 6 people playing cards.
“I’m a clown, look at my big fake nose” said my 7 year old mate, with his Mum’s 9 inch strapon fastened to his face.
We thought it was hilarious and couldn’t understand why I had to go home with my brother and his wife and why the kid’s mum was so upset about a fake nose. A couple of years later though we worked it all out.
I was on a road trip to Washington DC, and we decided to stay the night at my friend’s Fraternity Brother’s bay house a couple of hours down the road. What we didn’t know is that the friend’s family had tried to sell the house to a witch, who destroyed the house and never made a rent payment. Half the house was torched, the grass was waist high (I’m 6’1), and only one power outlet in the entire house actually worked.
We walked downstairs and there was a room about 8×10, all concrete, with 4 or 5 washing machines, an old dirty mattress on the ground in the middle of them, and a dead bird with it’s head cut off in a plastic bag laying on the floor….
My GI joe action figure that I thought I lost, fuck you ross, thinking your so cool because your mom got you a play station.
Piles of hardened dog shit. And flies in the middle of winter.
Cleaning out my step-father’s rental after the renters trashed it and left owing about 6 months in back rent. Place had no real furniture in it but they had somehow gotten about 50-60 trash bags full of clothing from some place like goodwill or salvation army. They were using these bags of clothes in lieu of furniture. Bag-of-clothes-bed, bag-of-clothes-chairs, etc.
The renters had apparently also had about 10 pets total and never bothered to let them out. There was cat and dog shit all over the place, smooshed and ground into the clothing that spilled haphazardly from the endless ripped open bags of clothing. It was a nightmare to clean up. Dad basically ordered one of those construction site dumping bins that get dropped off via semi-trailer.
As horrifying as this all sounds, though, the worst thing was found after we finally started getting close to the floor. Tossed away into a corner under about 4 bags of clothing and animal feces was a bag full of cremains (ashes of a dead person for those who do not know) just left there, forgotten and abandoned. The name and dates of birth/death were on the outside of the box the cremains were packed in. Some 21 year old kid who probably died tragically and then was left behind like trash.
By the time we found them, my step-dad was so done with everything he just tossed the cremains into the bin with the rest of the trash, but my step-brother and I fished them out later and had an impromptu burial in a small forest near the house.
The whole experience sort of highlighted for me the fragility and futility of human life. Even the best of us eventually just become trash buried in the ground somewhere, or tossed into a lake, ocean, volcano or the vastness of space. C’est la vie.
I dropped something and it rolled under my best buddies bed. I went looking for it. The space between the bed and the floor was packed with empty water bottles, and some of them got shoved out from under the bed during my search. My item reclaimed, I took a moment to look at the bottles before I shoved em back under there. Now, I’m not gonna say they were ALL filled with used condoms. But a worrying number of those empty water bottles had a used condom just chilling inside em.