What jobs exist purely because people are dicks?

  1. The people who stand by the doors and say goodbye to you as you leave best buy to make sure you’re not stealing shit

  2. Cheap security guards, the kind that watch parking lots so people feel safe(r) and the kind that work graveyard shift watching a vacant lot so no one will steal materials.

  3. My last job was as a lab technician who would visit oil refineries to watch their analysts test products they were selling to other oil companies and counter sign the certificate to say it was done properly.

    Basically, neither company trusted the other to be honest, so had a third company come in as in independent. Of course, when over 50% of our work came from one of those two companies, we weren’t truly independent anyway.

    It was a job that shouldn’t exist, and added no real value. In 3 years I only refused to accept one result, which was completely invalid and was a glaring fuckup. I’ve never heard of anyone else catching anything, and I’ve know a lot of people in this job wouldn’t watch any of it, and just sign the certificate at the end.

  4. The people who have to inspect Chatroulette for masturbating dicks.

  5. Litter-collectors.

  6. Bouncers

  7. Antivirus/Antimalware companies

  8. Social Worker here. I wouldn’t have a job if people were decent to each other.

  9. Transportation Security Administration.

  10. If you consider being a dick is doing anything that you are technically not supposed to, then if people all of a sudden stop being dicks. Pretty much anything related to security would make a lot of people be out of jobs.

    Door lock/padlock industry wouldn’t exist. Alarm companies too. Nothing would ever require locking.
    Surveillance, of any sort. Non existent.
    The gun industry would probably only be good for hunting and protection against wild animals.
    Bulletproof/armored stuff, unless it’s for people who are hunting and know other people are out there and might confuse you with a orange-vested deer.
    Any sort of internet security too, passwords. None of that would be required. Imagine a world where no one would try to ever access your account or bank data, because it would mean being a dick. This would mean you don’t need passwords anymore.
    A big chunk of people of the government would also be eliminated, because many of those people are there to ensure other people aren’t being dicks.

    Edit: Obligatory thanks for the gold, kind stranger. We’re off to a start to rid the world of dick people.

    Edit 2: As some people pointed out, locks would still exist to prevent accidents like high voltage rooms, medicine cabinets, so on. But it would be radically different. A very simple lock would suffice on most cases.

  11. Moderators

  12. Child protective services

  13. The fellow in my town who is hired by the grocery stores to collect all the shopping carts that people take to their apartment buildings and then throw in the canal.

  14. Cart pushers.

    For all the people out there who refuse to return a cart.

    EDIT: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!

  15. Urologist