What is the stupidest thing that has come out of your mouth that you’re willing to admit to?

  1. I woke up from a deep sleep and had to pee really bad, but saw the bathroom door was closed. I knew it was only me and my dad home so I ran downstairs, found him in the living room and yelled “Are you in the bathroom???” he slowly shook his head and I ran back upstairs. Woke up later and remembered, embarrassment followed.

    Edit: lol I’m glad you guys were as amused as my dad wasn’t.

  2. “Mike Tyson? Isn’t that the guy who made the George Foreman Grill?”
    Not too proud of that.

  3. orange isn’t a color, it’s a flavor dumbass

  4. I played high school hockey and after beating one of our rivals I was so full of adrenaline that while going into our locker room which was right next to the other team’s, I yelled, “WE JUST SUCKED YOUR DICKS!” I was never good at trash talking.

  5. While riding in the car with a friend.

    Friend: I kind of have to poop.

    Me: But I just went.

    I meant every bit of it and it took me almost ten seconds of my friend laughing for me to realize what happened.

  6. When my dad and brother were in London for 4th of july. I remember saying “I bet their fourth of july fireworks are insane!” My sister just looked at me like “you’re a fucking moron.”

  7. Long Distance Friend: “It’s a full moon tonight”
    Me: “Yeah, our moon is full too.”

  8. “Can you let me go this time? I just got a ticket last week for speeding on this same road.”

  9. I once argued vehemently with my friend that the word “ambiguous” meant “very”. The Ambiguously Gay Duo made so much more sense after I was set straight.

  10. I am half Hispanic, half white, but could pass for black. I was adopted by a German/Irish mother and a Russian Jewish father (read: extremely white people).

    One day as a teenager I absentmindedly asked my mother “Did you and dad ever think about not telling me I was adopted?” The look of sheer disappointment followed by obnoxious laughter told me everything I needed to know.

  11. “You know those things that you put papers in? They fold and sometimes have designs or photos on them? I think they’re called folders? No, that’s not it. You fold them. Folders? No…”

    EDIT: Since some are asking, it actually was a folder (like this). It just didn’t sound right to me at the time.

  12. “90 minutes? I thought we had an hour and a half!” I STILL get made fun of for that

  13. After realizing that the clock app icon on the iPhone was actually keeping correct time after an update: “The clock tells you what time it is!”

  14. “Do you think there’s enough steel in the world to build the Eiffel tower?”

    Context:was a little drunk with a few friends and someone said there wasn’t enough gold in the world to make the base of the tower so without thinking dropped that on them

  15. Pulled into parking lot – “Holy fuck I think they towed my car.”

    … I was driving my car.