What is the most embarrasing thing you could admit about yourself on Reddit but never in real life?

  1. When I was younger I had a bunch of superhero trading cards.

    I used to take the female ones and put them in my pants.

    In the front.

    So they’d touch my penis.

  2. I broke my foot doing the long jump while playing Kinect Sports on the Xbox 360

  3. I thought I was bit by a deadly spider conveniently on my vag. I had a panic attack and went to the ER because I was obviously dying. So I’m laying on a bed in the ER with my legs spread and no pants and the nurse is like, “Yup, definitely an ingrown hair”.

  4. Shit myself on a homicide scene. As a cop.

    Associated story http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/29cjfh/tifubytrustingafartonacrimescene/

  5. Before I knew what down syndrome was I thought I just saw the same guy everywhere.

  6. When I was 8 I got a boner and didn’t know what to do with it. So I stuck it in a glass of water and remember thinking, well that sucked.

  7. A couple months ago I decided to take on the challenge of orgasming without touching. I was doing pretty good and was on the verge of cumming but then I just pissed myself instead.

  8. I used to suffer from gas incontinence, also known as leaky gas. What this meant is that my body would constantly release gas, so I was basically silently farting 24/7. Along with this my body was no longer digesting food properly, so every fart smelled like a lactose intolerant person had just drank a gallon of milk and let it all out. Worse than sewage.

    So imagine me on a PACKED plane, on a 10 hour flight trying to fly home after I just got sick. The entire cabin hated me, the person behind me got an air freshener from his carry on and for the entire flight would spray it every 5 minutes. I also heard multiple people around me complaining and asking the flight attendant to be moved – but the plane was at capacity. I was so embarrassed I just pretended to sleep for the entire 10 hour flight, while people “pretended” to bump into me or knock my seat in an effort to wake me up and get me to stop.

    I was sick for a year.

    Worst illness ever.

    EDIT: A lot of people are asking; it was caused by either some street food I ate while in Asia or some milk I drank. A specialist that suffered from a similar illness said what I ate probably killed a lot of bacteria in my intestines and my body was slowly becoming accustomed to foods again. There were other bad symptoms, but this was by far the most annoying one. After many tests and attempted treatments, I eventually got better by taking probiotics daily and avoiding any foods that contained lactose. I’m 99% better today, and it took a while but I’ve finally regained my tolerance to most foods – including those that have lactose.

  9. I’ve named all the radiators in my house.

  10. i thought cantaloupe was some sort of animal from australia

  11. I literally have no friends outside of “coworker friends” who cease interaction at the end of work.

  12. My bladder can hold gallons of piss. I can go on for minutes. It’s because I was too scared to use other toilets than the one at home when I was young. It adapted. Now I’m Bladder Man.

  13. I tell everyone that i don’t do facebook, but I have a secret facebook account that I only use to play Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Alright, I have two secret facebook accounts that I only use to play Who Wants to be a Millionaire.

  14. I walk my dog late at night so I can spend a solid hour dancing as I go and no one will see me.

    I think I’m a happier man because of this.

  15. I just found out that the fetus I’m pregnant with never developed a brain and will die upon birth (heart still beats because it has brain stem). I can’t terminate because I’m past 20 weeks. Now, I just hope everyday that it will die so I don’t have to feel it move anymore.