What is the dumbest, most appallingly stupid thing anyone has ever said to you?

  1. I worked at a sandwich place and at the counter, I gave a customer his sandwich (that’s it. Only 1 sandwich, no drinks or anything else), wrapped in paper and put in a brown paper bag. He said, “Do you guys have trays?” I told him that I was sorry, but no. He said, “Well, how to I get this over to my table?” He was being completely serious. So I had to tell him, very sincerely, “You just have to pick it up and carry it over there.”

  2. people usually don’t believe this when I tell them but how could you make this up. watching a 9/11 documentary with my ex and she said “wow that pilot must’ve been drunk or something”

  3. Points to house next door.
    “Is that your neighbour’s house?”

  4. “Why should the taxpayers have to pay for stuff like Social Security and Medicare? That’s the GOVERNMENT’S job!”

    [facepalming intensifies]

  5. “What’s faster, speed or sound?”

  6. An adult woman: “If the Earth is billions of years old why is it only 2015?

  7. You can’t drive to Mexico. Its an island.

    I had to get a new job after that.

  8. So what type of Mexican are you? Like are you from Spain or one of those other Mexican countries?

  9. Back when I was in third grade or something I saw a kid messing with a electric outlet

    Me: “Hey! Are you trying to get yourself electrocuted?”

    Kid: “No, I’m polishing the socket. Then the lights will be brighter.”

    Me: …

  10. When I was younger, we’d routinely drive from Philly out to Ohio to visit relatives. On one such trip, we were somewhere near the Ohio/PA border when my mom tried to start getting one of those handheld TVs to work.

    HER: Why can’t I get channel 6 on this?

    ME: Because we’re nowhere near Philly.

    HER: I bought the TV in Philly, so it should have Philly channels, shouldn’t it?

    ME: …

  11. I would rather go to London than go to the UK.

  12. “If evolution is true, then take this apple, and grow me a human.”

  13. About six months ago one of my employees said to me “to get rich you don’t even gotta do nothin. All you gotta do is invent somethin. I mean look at steve jobs, he’s still pretty young and that man is livin the good life”. I then had to inform said employee that steve jobs most certainly was not “livin the good life”

  14. Me: Hello?

    Caller: Is John there?

    Me: No, I’m sorry, you have the wrong number.

    Caller: Oh. Do you have John’s number?

  15. I’m from Ireland and when I was eleven I was at my friends house in the states. This was one of my most prominent initial impressions of Americans by the way. His mom (Full grown woman who has raised two children) asked me if I preferred Ireland to the States. I said I liked Ireland better and she told me that she was actually planning a vacation to Europe. Little eleven year old me asks “Where in Europe?” Her response… “Asia”
    I stood there trying to think of the most polite way to explain this to a middle age woman then gave up and went to play with Pokemon cards. To this day I still have no idea where her vacation ended up taking her.