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i shit you not, i once read on the back of a Scooby Doo-themed halloween Snickers fun bar,
>Q: What kind of shampoo does Scooby Doo use?
>A: Scooby shampoo.
A horse walked into a bar. Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation.
What’s funny about four black guys in a Cadillac driving off of a cliff?
Nothing they were my friends.
Man walks into a bar and pauses: at the other end of the bar, there’s this guy with a big orange head. Just kind of sitting there, mooning into his drink. So the man asks the bartender, “Say, what’s up with the guy with the big orange head?” And the bartender says, “It’s an interesting story. Buy him a drink and maybe he’ll tell it to you.”
So the man walks over and introduces himself and offers to buy a round. The guy with the big orange head says, “Yeah, I’ll bet you want to know the story, huh?” To which the man replies, “Sure, if you don’t mind.”
The man with the big orange head sighs and says, “You know, I’ve gone over it in my mind a million times. Basically, it’s like this: I was walking along the beach one day, when I stubbed my toe on something. I looked down, and there was an antique brass lamp. I picked it up and dusted it off a little — when all of a sudden this enormous genie pops out!
“The genie thundered, ‘You have released me from my ten-thousand year imprisonment, and I am in your debt. I will grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude.’
The man at the bar is agape. The guy with the big orange head continues: “So I said, ‘Wow, okay. Well, my first wish is to be fantastically wealthy.’
“The genie says, ‘Your wish is granted.’ And all of a sudden I have rings on my fingers and a crown on my head, and my wallet is full of money and a dozen ATM cards and the deed to a mansion in the hills — I mean, I was loaded!
“So I said, ‘Amazing! Okay, for my next wish , I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.’
“The genie says, ‘Your wish is granted.’ And the ocean parts, and out walks this gorgeous woman in this beautiful dress, and she takes my hand and we fall in love and the genie marries us right there. It was incredible.
“The genie booms, ‘You have one wish remaining.'”
The man with the big orange head pauses and sips his beer. He says, “Now, you know, this may be where I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head.
What do you call a black guy flying an airplane?
“A gorilla walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender finds this very peculiar and realizes he is dreaming. He then wakes up and tells his wife about the ridiculous dream he just had. His wife just ignores him, he rolls over and starts to sob because he knows his marriage is in shambles.”
Do you know the reason Michael J. Fox makes really good milkshakes?
Because he uses the best ingredients.
How do you confuse a blond? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
How do you make a plumber cry?
Kill his entire family
Two chemists walk into a bar, the first chemist says “I’d like a glass of H2O” so the bar tender gives him a glass of water, the other chemist says “I’d like a glass of H2O too” and the bar tender gives him a glass of water because no bar would serve its customer a glass of hydrogen peroxide.
Yo mom is so fat
we are all concerned about her health
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile?
Robin, get in the Batmobile.
What did the black man say when he lost his son?
“Has anyone seen my son?”
What did my grandpa say just before he kicked the bucket?
“How far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
Ask me if I am a tree.