Top Unethical Life Hacks

  1. Nobody is going to question your presence at a hotel’s continental breakfast as long as you look ok. Confidence is everything.

  2. You can make serious cash doing other people’s homework for them.

  3. Applying for a new loan and have, um, troubled credit? Dispute the derogatory items with the three credit bureaus roughly 45 days before you apply for the loan.

    The disputed accounts are ignored by the major scoring algorithms which will give you a boost. If nothing else, the negatives won’t be dragging down the score.

    Eventually, the “bad” credit will reappear since your disputes will not succeed in getting the information removed from the credit bureau database, but, at least you got that loan.

    Don’t tell them I told you.

  4. Whenever you go to buy a car, the sales guy will always give you that sheet that itemizes the charge and everything on it with the OTD price. That’s the sheet that you sign when you agree on the price. What you do is take that sheet, tell them you’ll need to think about this. Do whatever you can, but take that sheet with you. Then, scan that sheet into your computer, OCR that shit, change the numbers around to something you want that is reasonable. Make sure your math is right, print it out, bring it to another dealership and negotiate from that fake invoice.

  5. Have affairs with Realtors. They have keys to empty houses all over town.

  6. A hardhat, safety vest, and white truck can give you access to most places.

  7. Buy tv at Walmart.

    Return tv to walmart before 2 weeks

    Come back in few days and buy said tv as open box item at a discount

    Have to pay cash for at least one of the transactions perferably both.

  8. Download the crappy watermarked low res image that istock gives for free. Upload that in Google’s image-based search and find many people hosting the high res.

  9. When you buy a laptop or desktop, buy a warranty that includes accidental damage. Near the end of the warranty term, run Linpack or Furmark and block the exhaust vent. Leave it like that for a few hours and you’ll get irrepairable hardware damage. File a warranty claim and get a new laptop.

    The best part is there’s no evidence of hardware tampering because you never even open the case.

  10. Learned from a homeless person on the bus:

    Put on your best suit (a.k. “least disgusting suit”, if you’re a hobo), show up at funeral homes and act like you knew the deceased. Have free cake.

  11. Need hot sauce? Looks like I’m getting Chipotle for lunch.

  12. If you are married, and interviewing for a position that requires travel, lose that ring, and watch out for the ring tan line. If you aren’t married, and interviewing for a “stable” job, put on a wedding ring. If you have any close friends with kids, take some pics with them. If anyone questions you about the wife, just start looking like you are going to cry, no one will ask again.

    Having a family makes you a little less vulnerable to downsizing and gives you some great excuses for missing work. Hung over? Kid’s sick. Have to go to the hospital because a hooker jammed a clit stim up your ass? Kid’s sick.

  13. So I guess this subject ties into a life lesson my grandma taught my mom.

    Growing up there has always been this big ass artistic rendition of a map of South America hanging up on our wall. I guess the story of it was that it was originally at some gallery and my grandma just walks up to the god damn wall, picks it off, and walks out calmly without hesitation. She told my mom that you could do anything as long as it looks like you know what you’re doing and nobody will question it. Thankfully I don’t see this being nearly as effective in today’s world.

    Edit: I should make it clear my last comment was in regard to the specific act of grabbing a painting in a gallery, not so much the larger premise because that’s still obviously effective.

  14. There are two classes of lies that you can get away with.

    1. The lie that’s so huge, so massively impossible, that no one would ever understand why the fuck you would lie about something so fundamental, and so it’s accepted as truth. I call this the Government Lie.
    2. The lie that’s so small that you can utterly convince yourself that it could be true, and so no matter how many times you tell it, it doesn’t bother you, and no one would ever understand why the fuck you would like about something so innocuous. I call this the 1/16th Cherokee Lie.
  15. On craigslist or armslist (or any other classifieds site), find an item you want, lowball the person from several different emails, then send them a reasonable (but still below asking value) offer at them from your real email. After being lowballed all day, they’ll jump at your real offer.