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ive felt pretty awful about this my entire life. When I was 15 or so, we had this one kid come and hang out at our table during lunch time quite often. The reason my friends made fun of him was for no reason other than he was just a weird kid. Now I personally didn’t join in the ragging, I actually thought he was pretty funny. But I never stopped my friends from doing it and usually laughed at their jokes, so I’m no less guilty than anyone. One guy was really bad on him, he wasn’t a good person at all. He didn’t have many interesting things to say so he used making fun of others as a way to fit in a suppose; he craved attention and us laughing at his jokes was his way to get it. He fucking constantly went after this kid, to the point where if he said anything at all the guy would say some comment to make fun of him over it.
He stopped coming to our table after a couple of months and I would only ever see him sitting in some side hallways eating lunch alone or whatnot. Over the summer he jumped in front of a car and killed himself. No note or anything, but everyone knew why. After learning more about him, he was actually an awesome kid, played football for some clubs, really great at drawing, and all sorts of other things. Had he been given the chance to contribute to conversations, he would have been liked and adored as anyone else.
Bullying is never ok, and being silent and letting it happen around you is just as bad. For some reason or another, some kids just unfairly become targets and that leads to all the assholes in the world taking advantage of them. It’s something I’ve always been ashamed of, and I’ve honestly tried being as nice to everyone around me as much as I can. But there was literally dozens of moments I could have told my friends to cut it out and they would have listened to me. But I didn’t, I never said anything, I just always let that shit happen around me.
There was a girl named Sandy in my elementary school who was always considered a bit off. Really quirky, and she didn’t really have a lot of friends. Granted, I wasn’t popular at that point in my life either so Sandy kind of hung out with the people that I did. I remember her being bullied, and the “leader” of my group was mean to her as well. I may have laughed at the stuff said to her, but I never said any of the mean comments. Like others in this situation, I was too much of a wimp and afraid to turn into the target to stand up for her. That being said, her and I did hang out outside of school and I did consider her a friend. Plus, at the end of 6th grade, most of us would divide up and go onto middle school so I just assumed we would all start fresh.
The summer before middle school started, I found out that she had died. We were told that it was a freak accident, that she was wearing a scarf while jumping on the top bunk bed in her room, and her scarf got caught on her ceiling fan that was on and she hung to death. I don’t believe that story for a second. Like I said, I hung out with her and had been to her house. There wasn’t any room for her to be jumping on her top bunk. I really believe she committed suicide because of the bullying, and I still feel terrible when I think about this. I went on to be the recipient of some brutal bullying that resulted in my own suicidal thoughts and self mutilation so looking back, I wish I had been tougher because I ended up knowing her pain. It sucks. It’s one of the absolute worst feelings in the world.
RIP, Sandy. I’m sorry. I should have been a better friend to you.
When I was in high school I was kind of a hybrid weird kid/bully. There was this senior who always used to fuck w me. I think his name was Glenn. He used to punch me in the arm, back, whatever full force out of nowhere and tease me about anything and everything.
One day I had enough and went full bully mode on him. I’m pretty physically imposing now, but I wasn’t then so my weapon of choice was wit. I proceeded to just fuckin destroy him. I tore into him for like 10 minutes. I blasted everything about him from his physical appearance, intelligence, and socio economic standing. I ended w the most fucked up thing you can say to a person. “Nobody would give a shit if you killed yourself”
That weekend he hung himself in his closet w his karate belt.
There was some fucked up suicide pact going on in my high school and nobody who heard me lay into him thought it was my fault. It still really fucked me up for years. I started using and the guilt just ate me up.
I’ve since got my shit together, but I think about the last words I said to that kid almost every single day.
Wherever you are Glenn, whatever the reason I hope you’re at peace.
I was a bully from grades 2-8, reaching a peak at about grade 5 and decided consciously to stop being mean around grade 7. I was a young girl, my parents divorced the summer before grade 1, I had 3 older brothers who took it hard (so did I) and were rough with me. I learned to defend myself, became quite physically strong, and because I felt powerless in my home life I chose to find a sense of power in the schoolyard. I was physically abusive (punching, pushing, tipping people’s desks over, wrecking kid’s projects) and had a sharp tongue. I would go out of my way to sniff out insecurities and say any mean things I could to make a kid cry. It was quite mean. I was also a cyber bully. I remember telling one girl at my school over a messaging service that she was fat and ugly and no one would ever have sex with her. I’m still ashamed of that. This girl became severally anorexic and bulimic starting in grade 8 and by grade 12 was in the hospital and almost dead. I tried to reach out and apologize and be there for her (at this point I had done a 180 after heavy therapy in my earlier years), but I understood why she didn’t want to talk to me. I saw her last year on my walk to work and I smiled and said hi, she had a baby in a stroller. I was really happy for her, but I still feel guilt for being such an awful human growing up. There are still a handful of people who have a very low opinion of me although I came around and made a public apology for being a shitty person. But hurts run deep.
Edit: Learned math.
Sooo… I got bullied a lot and then turned the tables and unknowingly (and then knowingly) became the bully. He killed himself after. I got tormented by a kid one year younger than me in elementary school.. Non-stop. I was in 5th grade and already getting bullied (weird name, poor family so I had cheap and nerdy clothes, etc) by my own grade.. Then.. “He” started in on me because I was an easy target. I took it for a few months because I had no choice. Finally.. I was in a trailer bathroom (school had run out of capacity, so most of our classes were in trailers, including the bathroom) and he pushed me while I tried to frantically leave. I didn’t know what to do, but he pushed me pretty hard. Without thinking, I kid slapped him in the face. I don’t think anyone had ever responded that way, and he just started to tear up (almost cry, but not yet). I had a nervous laughter (and still do) and I jetted out of there. I then turned the tables. Next thing you know, I was calling him ‘pretty boy’, and his buddy had seen me hit him. Well.. The name stuck, and now everyone started picking on him.. A lot… Of course I baited it on.. Sooooo.. I became a bully w/o really knowing it because it was easier to pile on to someone else’s misery than face up to my own… Well.. His parents pulled him from school about a year later.. He moved districts because of me. I am so ashamed of my 5th grade self, that it is sad. I wish I could have known that he was only picking on me because he probably had a rough life that I did not know about. I just used it as an easy out… He killed himself in 8th grade. I will never really forgive myself, but I will hope to teach my children that bullies are bullies because they have larger issues that we don’t know about…. Sorry for the rant, but this hit home. I hate looking back knowing that I was once the bully.
TLDR: I turned the table on a bully and became one.. His parents had to pull him from our school district and he killed himself 3 years later. I will always feel mostly to blame.