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Perfectly nice date, 20 minutes in to it, she says, “I’ll be honest. I know what I need in a man, and you don’t have it.”
At 25, I would have been crushed. Wondering what “it” was would’ve kept me up for days. Being 35, I thanked her for being blunt and was happy to have an unexpectedly free evening.
Friend from class matched with my then girlfriend (now ex). He informed me of the match and proceeded to set up a coffee date. Instead of him showing up to the date, I did. I had the pleasure of watching my girlfriend freak the fuck out.
He showed up with his iPhone on a lanyard. Around his neck. But he introduced me to reddit, so I guess it went ok.
She was lying about her age.
And wanted a baby, immediately.
Most have been pretty normal and good.
There was this one girl I met up with for drinks. She was really cute… 23, nice skin, great hair, fit, just out of sorority girl. We inhaled a handful of cocktails in about 30 minutes… I was just trying to keep up and chit chat, but she was like let’s get out of here, which I’m always ok with.
We get back to my place and I got my game face on and half my clothes off. Then she sees Scrabble. Now, I’m very good… friends/family would say excellent. There was a period of 2-3 years where I was playing several games per day at least. She reallllllly wants to play a quick game and starts shit talking. So I smoke her. Absolutely, positively, fucking torch the hell out of her. Like 550-225 or something in that range. I’m making plays instantly, words you’ve never heard of, bingos all over, playing brutal d… it’s a murder. She gets pissed and storms out. Never got to bang her, but I know deep down she’s still mad about that game and it makes me a lot happier than an orgasm a few years ago would.
Met up for a coffee after having quite a nice chat over tinder for a few days. He sits down and says “hey nice to meet you”, then continues to pull out his laptop and sit there in complete silence for the next hour. I had nothing with me but my phone, since I thought coffee date means conversation. Should’ve left sooner.
Met one charmer after talking for a few weeks. After agreeing to meet at a nearby coffee shop, I show up right on time. Ten minutes later I get a text from him to “come outside.” Seems sketchy but there’s people about, so why not? I stand directly in front and he appears out of nowhere in a hoodie. We walk a bit before he asks me to walk down a darkly-lit street. I say I’m uncomfortable and he immediately starts waking away. I assume he’s joking and call him only to hear him screaming at me on the other end. He sends me a text a couple of days later insulting my hair and telling me to “suck my big dick you negress bitch.”
Tl;dr- Guy wanted to Dahmer me then proceeded to call me racist slurs. Thank you, internet!
went to see fifty shades of grey, got a blowy in the parking lot, got caught by a security guard on a segway…. ended up with chlamydia…….. I no longer tinder.
EDIT: I didn’t know that you could contract it that way either yet a trip to the clinic proved it to me.
My profile pic is a toilet. The first time I met a girl we actually talked about toilets for an hour.
I posted this a while back in a thread about Tinder, it was a pretty spectacularly bad…..
I used it, I’m a fat ugly bastard, I matched with a girl who wasn’t too shabby looking, texted for a few days until we were both off. I picked her up, she was very cute, went to dinner at a Japanese steak house and had a good time, drank some sake. She suggested we go back to my place (woo!)
We stop by her apartment to get her car and she wants to get clothes. She follows me to my house and we make out in my driveway for a few and start to move towards the house, I’m excited, gunna get laid and all yessir, been a while.
So we are on my front porch and she goes “eew, what’s that” and points to this baseball sized toad that hangs out on my porch, this is his 2nd year it there. Anyways I explain he is cool and I knock beetles off my porch light for to eat and stuff she walks over to him, looks at me, like intense eye contact and proceeded to slowly stomp on my toad.
Now at this point I was experiencing several emotions, shock, anger, rage. I shouted at her “wtf, why’d you do that” to which she replied “I wanted to make you mad so you’d Fuck me hard” I was speechless while I processed what I had just witnessed. I told her to get the Fuck of my property, she flips out, we yell back and forth, I sprayed her with the hose and she finally leaves only to show up 20 min later topless on my deck in the back yard. She had walked from down the road and pulled like 6 pickets down from my fence to get in the back yard.
Cops came, she cried her way out of trouble with them and left.
Tl;dr fat ugly bastard, solid 8 tinderella, night of hibachi, sake, otphj, she stomped my porch toad, cops come, girl cries, gets let off
Pic of toad
His leg is weird because it accidentally got closed in my door, I nursed him back to health last summer which is why he was so special to me
EDIT: wow, this blew up again lol and gold too! omg, double gold! Thanks you guys
EDIT 2: holy smokes this is blowing up, Im trying to reply to questions and comments but I gotta be at work early so Ill continue in the morning
We went on three dates. The next time she asked to see me, I told her I was visiting family and wouldn’t be available until the following weekend. In that moment, she freaked out and sent me a 7 page long text about how I destroyed what could have been a perfect relationship and that she wanted to marry me still if I would just put her first. She then left me a voicemail of her singing “U Got It Bad” by Usher while crying and saying she loved me over and over. Two days later she sent me pictures of her burning a bucket list she had made for us.
Glad I got out of that one unscathed.
- Tinder nightmare – went on the date, five minutes into the conversation he flips it to 9/11 conspiracy theories and doesn’t drop it even after I explicitly state that the conversation is inappropriate. Told him later by text that I didn’t think we were that compatible, cue 2 months of 3am phone calls where he pretends to be a furniture/renovation company that had problems delivering my order…
- When I was someone’s Tinder nightmare – got way too drunk, puked on myself. Total blackout.
Thank you for all your hilarious input, this definitely made my day. Moving forward, I promise to uphold my 2-date legacy of tinder nightmares.
**To clarify, I asked politely for the subject to be changed before letting him know it was inappropriate. For those who commenters who have expressed it doesn’t sit well with them, I guess it’s good we’re not dating?
Not gonna lie, the actual worst experience is just a whole lot of nothing.
I know I’m late to the party but man do I have a doozy!!
So last year after getting out of a horrible sort of relationship, I decided to try something casual and use tinder. Got lots of responses, everything is going well. The dates were mostly lack luster and I figured I was just being too picky. So I decided “the next 5 people to ask me on a date gets a yes!”
So the first guy I’m able to go on a date with wants me to drive into the city (45 minutes away) so we would has more stuff to do. Annoying but sorta understandable as I’m in a suburb without much exciting things to do.
We meet, he looks like his pictures, we say hello and he tells me that we’re gonna go play soccer in the park. Cool! I love sports. On the way we start talking and asking questions about each other, and I’m getting the vibe we aren’t such a great match. I love to travel, he has 0 desire. He only likes obscure sports, I love them all. But hey, I’m here. Stick with it.
The entire time he talks about how he makes soooo much money and how embarrassing it is for his friend to only make 60k a year at his dream job. I make half of that. I would have left considering the love connection, or lack there of, but I figured I’d be polite until after lunch.
We head out and we arrive. Dollar taco. Which don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to splurge. But he looked me up and down and said “you gotta earn your meals first” and gave me a creepy fucking smile. Nope. I feign a fake phone call and have to leave, but he insists on walking me to my car.
We get there, and I try to shrug him off and GTFO but then…it happens.
He leans in for a kiss. But not just any kiss. Open mouth, tongue out. And as he leans in, his crotch brushes against my leg. Unfortunately for him, the soccer shorts didn’t conceal his raging hard on.
So I did what any caught off guard girl would do.
I accidentally laughed in his mouth. Oops. I was too awkward to say anything and just got in the car, driving away.
I met a girl for a date who turned out to be much better looking than her photos which is always a nice surprise. The date went well, just dinner and a walk, and we said our goodbyes. The next day she invited me out to a friend’s birthday party downtown as her +1. I wanted to go but I had to work the next day and wanted to be able to drink a little since it was a bunch of people I didn’t know. She said “That’s alright, you can park at my house and sleep over.”(Cha-ching!) So, of course, I said yes.
Fast forward to the middle of the party, I’m enjoying myself chatting it up with her friends and having a good time and next thing I know she absolutely loses it and storms out of the bar leaving me there. Drunk. With her friends. I still have no idea why.
One of them told me “She wants you to go after her!” and I said “Fuck that, it’s our second date.” which not a single person blamed me for. I stayed at the party and switched to water while I continued talking with her friends. That was over a year ago, and I still regularly hang out with them. They have since stopped talking to her.
TL;DR No sex, but got to keep all her friends.