What’s one thing you want to know, but at this point are too afraid to ask?

  1. How to transfer a call at work. I’ve been there for too many years now to not know.

  2. My coworkers names.

    It’s been 3 weeks now. 80% of them are now called “Hey”

  3. What to tell the person when I go to get my haircut. For 3 years I went to the same person and I would always tell her “just the usual” and it was perfect. I just want my hair trimmed a bit but I don’t want to sound like an ass when I ask for it to be shorter

  4. If I have the gene that causes ALS.

    It’s rarely genetic, but it is in my family. My mom had it. Her mom had it. 2 uncles and 2 cousins. After my mom died, her body was donated for research. And because of this research they identified the gene mutation that causes familial ALS. But I’m too scared to take the test. It’s a 50/50 chance. Go Dads genes go! That would be the only good thing my biological father ever did for me.

  5. If my male friends have ever jerked it to my photos

    just a curiosity

  6. Why do hotel breakfast buffets have such tiny glasses to refill water?

  7. What’s being on a period like? I’d imagine it’s hellish, but it’d be weird to ask someone.

  8. If my son is gay. It’s hard to tell. I don’t want to embarrass him if he isn’t.

  9. Peoples names. For some reason, unless I hear a name two or three times, It never sticks. And sometimes, I can bluff my way through a conversation when I mishear them, but it makes things very awkward when I need to introduce them.

    EDIT: I leave for 7 hours and I come back to all the comment karma ever. Thanks…umn…uh…whatever your names are.

  10. Should guys shave their pubes? I’m old enough that it’d be weird to ask a friend, and I honestly don’t spend any time around naked men so I’m not sure about the societal expectations…

  11. This thread gets really sad the deeper you go.

  12. WHATS THE FUCKING JOHN CENA JOKE I DO NOT GET IT

    Edit: I couldn’t breathe for a good four minutes. Thank you Reddit, I needed that video in my life

  13. the name of the girl who sits next to me in anthropology

  14. How much time do I have left.

  15. How does one go about flirting? I have been told I’ve done it before, but I can’t remember consciously doing so. At 29 I am embarrassed that I have no idea how to talk to women I am interested in and make it apparent I am interested without just saying “ayy baby, u wan sum fuk?”

    Edit: Holy shit, this flirting thing is more complicated than I thought.

Redditors who had someone from real life discover your throwaway, what happened afterwards?

  1. It wasn’t a throwaway but I had a post make it to the front of /r/showerthoughts one time and that day I was bragging about it to a girl I had just met in one of my classes who said she used Reddit. Obviously the post was really easy to find so she found it and looked through my comment history and found out about a family tragedy that I had been using Reddit to vent about. I wouldn’t have known she read it except that she talked to me the next class and told me she went through a very similar situation and now we’re good friends and we talk all the time when we otherwise might have never spoken again! It was awkward at first but I ended up being really grateful because it gave me a new friend who I could talk to about stuff that was hard to talk about with other people.

  2. I convinced them the throwaway that they thought was mine was in fact not. I did this by having a second throwaway with not much nsfw stuff on it (just comments on nsfw subs) and some comments that made it obvious it was me. They took the bait and figured the one they had found was just someone who was similar to me.

    TL/DR: I had a second ‘fake’ throwaway I used to work my way out of it.

  3. PSA to everyone using a throwaway:

    When telling a story, change irrelevant details so that it is much harder to track back to you.

    Ie. If you have a story about your vacation to California, change it to the Bahamas. Did something embarrassing in 8th grade? Say it happened in 7th. Had a bad professor? Well the subject they taught is not relevant to your story, but you’ve never taken Physics III, so say you did.

  4. Posted a question to a subreddits. Hero reditor emails my professor. Academic dishonesty, 0 , failed the course. Cost $2,000 to retake over summer.

    My username? My school Id name

  5. It got used in court.

  6. Sort of related, one time I saw an /r/teenagers post regarding some of my friends bashing another one of our friends, who they viewed as socially awkward. Then they SHOWED HIM THE THREAD and the comments became a sea of rude comments onto him, from them. I felt sick to my stomach and eventually ended up sticking up for the outcast friend IRL because although i didn’t like him much, bashing someone over reddit is just slimy. Now I don’t really associate with any of them so it doesn’t matter ¯_(ツ)_/¯

  7. I GOT THIS except for the fact it was this account and not a throwaway.

    I posted a TIFU about this prank I pulled during senior year of high school. Here’s the post

    Well somehow the administration saw that post and accused me of bragging and extended the probation and electronics ban I had gotten. Plus they were able to put me into ISS (Edit: In School Suspension you snarky bastards) cause I explained how to pull the prank to others

    Dont worry though I didnt get into any more trouble than that. Compsci was hard but I passed.

  8. I actually caught my girlfriend of almost 2 years cheating on me with my best friend, because she wrote about it on a throwaway… Needless to say we broke up

  9. Slight twist, I discovered my ex’s throwaway account and I found out he had cheated on me. We lived together and I frequently borrowed his laptop. After we broke up I remembered the account, searched it hoping I would find a post saying he missed me and wish he didn’t break up with me. Instead, I found out he had cheated on my while I was on a business trip with a random woman, and he was asking how HE could get over the guilt. I called him, he confessed, I freaked out and he hung up on me.

    Additional context: he was unemployed for 4 months after he got fired from a job I got him at my uncle’s company, and he didn’t pay rent for 2 months. Ultimately, it helped me move on, and realize I dodged more bullets than Keanu Reeves.

    TL;DR: Found out my ex cheated on me by discovering his throwaway.

  10. Not my throwaway, but one time my boyfriend was like “You probably browse /r/harvestmoon, /r/relationships, /r/sailormoon, /r/askreddit. I don’t even look at your reddit.” I don’t care if he does, but I know he does because that was spot on.

  11. Not a throwaway but I went on my reddit account once on a friend’s phone. Didn’t close the tab, and he found my account. He didn’t tell anybody else about it thankfully, and then later confessed that he had been looking at some of my activity. Then he told me it would only be fair if I knew his reddit account and gave me his username.

    I cut ties with him after a quick search through his history. That kid’s a fucking psycho and the fact that he’d let me see all the shit he has on his account made me nope the fuck out of there!

  12. Wasn’t a throwaway it was this account but I told my brother who is a redditor that I had a question make it to the front page here without thinking he could easily put 2 and 2 together. Don’t have much on here to worry about so it’s whatever if he ever did figure it out.

  13. i posted on /r/relationships asking for advice on how to deal with my parent and their partner. I was 15 or 16 at the time.At the time It was really bad and i was basically being treated badly so i was justified.

    I was at work and decided to check my account during my break. I saw that someone had posted a REALLY long comment like literally thousands of words long. Before reading i was like …hmm i guess someone really likes giving advice?

    I then looked at the posters username and my heart nearly stopped, because it was my parents(It was their initials basically). I was like WTFFF and started reading. It was basically saying how ungrateful i was and how i should be more like my twin sibling etc. etc. but thousands of words long.

    I was so confused as to how my post was found(it didn’t get frontpage or anything). Looking back i think maybe my parent looked through my internet history or something?. Anyway I was also confused as to why they didn’t talk to me in real life but decided to comment online?

    I basically pretended i didn’t see it. A few days later my parent just said to me(I don’t exactly remember but it was something like) ‘I saw your post and you shouldn’t post online’. No ‘lets figure your problems out’ or anything 🙁

    I deleted the thread after and went through and deleted any other rants about them off my account but didn’t delete the account. I am hoping it was a one time thing and that i’m not having my posts read through but i really don’t know.

    In the thread heaps of people commented on the comment about how they were a terrible person/parent so that made me feel better

  14. I accidentally reddit-stalked someone from my grad program. Was reading a post and thinking I could offer some advice when I realized the details matched up with someone I knew. I left a vague-but-specific comment to check and sure enough, I was right. That was the end of it, though I realized I was letting her know my username by doing so. Haha. She never mentioned it afterwards.

  15. I made a post mentioning /r/yiff with my account (not a throwaway) and a guy who goes to my school found out because it was pretty obvious that it was me. He was cool though and didn’t tell anyone and now he PMs me yiff every now and then.

Why are you on /r/askreddit/new/ ?

  1. I’m not. Congratulations, you made it!

  2. All of the other links are purple.

  3. Because I honestly think that the algorithm is still messed up as the Hot page updates super slowly.

  4. You’re lying! I’m not on /r/askreddit/new/
    I’m on /r/askreddit/rising/

  5. In a gracious attempt to earn meaningless internet points

  6. So I can attempt to be part of a conversation rather than just reading everyone else’s comments.

    EDIT
    Wooooah. I was sleeping and this blew up! Thanks for the gold I don’t even know what to do with reddit gold.

  7. I lurk the front page when I first start browsing because it is fun to look at, but eventually that gets old/repetitive.

    The funnest part about reddit, in my opinion, is interacting with the site. Watching your link submission take off, getting in a fight in the comments, making a joke that lands, etc.

    You simply can’t do that on the front page.

  8. If I post on “hot” threads there is a very real chance my opinion is never seen by anyone, ever. . I still post on them but pretty rarely. Here at least it’s likely that at least the OP will see my opinion and a few other people. . .I mean we’re on a giant forum of people. . Of course you want to be heard.

  9. we need to get this on the front page for irony

    edit: I just got it in on my personal front page

  10. I enjoy participating in threads before they really take off. I also keep on the lookout for rule breaking posts, and remove them.

  11. Find a post and ride it to sweet sweet karma

    edit: NOOOOO!!!! My previous top comments have all been well-thought out responses!

  12. I’m not, this is on my frontpage. CONGRATULATIONS

  13. I can only view text only subs at work.

    Edit: Well damn, Ok, specifically I’m on /r/askreddit/new because work is slow and nothing on the front of /r/askreddit/hot interested me. Shit.

  14. Well, I’m late to the party.

  15. At work with no work to do.

What is your, “don’t get me started on . . .” topic?

  1. People buying animals when they have no clue how to take care of them. It’s mostly the exotic animals that boil my blood. Most reptiles, amphibians, some fish, and birds can live over 10-20 years when taken care of properly. Birds typically over 50 years. Do your research!

  2. Literally do not mention Dr Oz’s name. He is a gigantic snake-oil pitching shit heel of the highest order.

  3. The history of metallurgy. No one cares but I could talk forever about vikings unknowingly adding carbon to their peat iron by using animal bones, then running around like “beware of my sword it has the spirit of a bear!” No you just made steel you silly goose. I would love to build a forge and start crafting but that is more than a few years away 🙁

  4. Wine and winemaking. I studied it a bit in school and worked at a winery, and there are few industries full of more unearned ego and total bullshit. The man I made wine with is a farmer first. He slaves and loves each bunch of grapes like a child. He hardly fucking sleeps because as soon as the sun sets on the fields, he’s doing chemistry work to understand his land’s terroir, consulting for other winemakers trying to do it the right way, or marketing online. And his wine is so good. I’m not going to put my nose up and talk about the big green pepper edge in his Cab Franc or the velvet feel of his Bordeaux blend because it doesn’t matter as much as this: it’s just good. Any person on the planet would sip his wine and have a multi-level taste experience, smile, and want more. Meanwhile, almost everyone else around us is a rich person looking for a tax loophole. The joke where I am from in Virginia is: “A good way to make a small fortune in wine is start with a large one.” It’s just a hobby for the wealthy people around here, and they make total garbage wine. And then overcharge for it. And then people pretend it’s good. The whole culture of winemaking and wine drinking–in the US at least–is a giant circlejerk. I know that taste and flavor is subjective, but it’s not even close. Most wineries near me have to make all sweet wines to hide their terrible craft beneath the mask of sugar. But they bought a ritzy looking tasty room–that the truly good small ball guys can’t afford–and everyone thinks that means they must be better. Shit, I did get started. Now I need a drink. Or a bottle.

  5. Don’t get me started on helicopters, because I could talk about how fucking cool they are for hours.

  6. Why meerkat manor was an underappreciated show that was ahead of its time.

  7. Don’t get me started on moon landing deniers. WE WENT TO THE MOON, DAMN IT!

  8. Customers assuming that “well you fixed it once, so you must have caused the problem!” after they drop it in a puddle.. run it over.. feed it to a mongoose. Correlation does not imply causation.

    I manage a repairs warehouse for electronic devices, i hear this above daily as reports from the stores that contact me.

  9. Parents who complain about the people volunteering for youth sports….

    I coach youth baseball and I sit on the board for it. I get so incredibly worked up when I get started talking about some of the parents who have kids in our organization…. They bitch and they moan and they complain because they’re sure their kid is super special and is the most skilled player to ever grace the sport, when in reality their kid got put in right field because all he ever does is spin in circles and pick dandelions or build sandcastles in the baselines… They bitch about the field conditions because our volunteers haven’t had enough time or help or money to make them World Series worthy and god forbid little Johnny play on some piddly little sandlot with weeds in the infield… And those parents paid this much money for their kid to be taught baseball and they don’t like the way this volunteer coach is teaching the game, but don’t ask that parent to volunteer to coach in his place, they don’t have the time and don’t know enough about the sport to coach…. And then they want to complain about how I’m revamping the program so that coaches have more practices to work on skills with the kids… and they complain about the schedules and the teams and they wanted to get placed with this kid or that coach and why can’t little Suzy play up a division? So what if she’s half their size and two year behind developmentally? Her cousin plays on that team and we don’t want to drive her to practice all the time. ACCOMMODATE ALL OF OUR ASININE REQUESTS AND TURN OUR KIDS INTO ALL STARS WITHIN THE SUMMER!!!

    The kids I can handle, even the ones that act like little terrors. But the parents make me consider rage quitting every year….

  10. Music snobbery.
    You’re not suddenly a better person because of the kind of music you happen to enjoy. I know way too many people like that and it makes me rant a bit.

  11. Mushrooms.

  12. The DMV. Nothing will boil my blood quicker. It’s highway robbery, the charge you a fee for everything. Use their pen, that will be $2. Breath air coming through their vents, that will be $2.

  13. Freaking Canadian Geese. They think they own everywhere.

  14. Don’t get me started on gardening. I will corner you for hours and show you photos or take you out to my yard to talk about my dirt and watering technique. I would hate me so damn much if I was someone else.

  15. Propane and propane accessories.

Redditors who have actually been to your 10 year high school reunion: what is the biggest transformation you’ve seen someone make in that 10 years?

  1. Skinny nerdy guy got busted for selling a couple hundred thousand dollars worth of adobe software in college and spent 15 months in prison. He came out super buff.

  2. The kid who was stealing motorcycles and selling them for parts is now a police officer. He was never accused or convicted of course but I knew that for a fact.
    Let’s hope people sometimes do change.

  3. Nobody changed at all.

    I left Ireland three days after my leaving cert, and happened to move back a month before the reunion party. I hadn’t seen a single person in the 10 intervening years, and everyone was basically the exact same person as they had been in school. Better-dressed, more confident, less awkward – but essentially the exact same people.

    I had been dreading it, because I was never a popular kid in school – but it actually felt wonderful to be among those people again. After high school, you never really get to know anyone that well again. Add that to me having spent 10 years being an immigrant in various places, and that made re-connecting with these people extra sweet. All of the people with massive chips on their shoulders – they didn’t show up. So the only people who were there were the ones who were as excited as I was.

    There was one kid who changed massively, but he didn’t come to the reunion. In school, he was the most dyslexic kid, worst at math, bottom of every class. His only love was making home-made bombs on his farm and blowing shit up with them. He went to a college in Cornwall or Wales or something, that specialised in mining – because he figured that way he could work with explosives.

    So fast-forward almost ten years, and I am finally getting my bachelor’s degree. I took a bit longer than most people do, but I had just got the results from my last few exams and I had finally passed. I was basking in that elation when my phone rang and it’s this guy. He just got his PhD for building a fucking robot that goes into mines and fires fucking lasers everywhere to make a 3D scan of the mine without endangering any humans. He built a robot with lasers on it. And had a PhD.

    Way to take the wind out of my sails, James.

  4. Back in highschool we had a kid who has aspergers and was a little weird. He was, however, amazing at the yo-yo, having picked one up during middle school when we had that yo-yo trick assembly. After everyone else had stopped walking the dog in 8th grade, this guy was doing more and more elaborate tricks every day during lunch. He was bullied and teased but he continued doing what he loved.

    So, at our ten year reunion, people from every strata of high school popularity was there, including this guy. He was his same old self, but more confident. I asked him if he still yo-yos, and he busted out his custom made titanium yo-yo that he said he made on a CNC lathe. He then starts to do some tricks and a large crowd gathered around. It was quite the show, he had gotten very good. When he finished, people clapped and cheered, and even the jockiest dudes from back in the day fist bumped him and told him how badass he was.

    So I guess the biggest transformation was everyone else. Nobody teased him for being who he was anymore, they now admired him for being so passionate about something.

  5. On the flip side I know someone who hasn’t aged since high school. No extra fat, no wobbles, no gray hair, nothing. Even his voice is the same at thirty as it was at fourteen. I’m pretty sure he’s a vampire.

  6. The class fatty dropped it all and now looks like Rob Lowe.

  7. The most stuck up girl from high school was this rich girl who thought she was a princess. Like, didn’t want commoners touching her or riding in her car, lived in a gated mansion, etc. By our 10 year, she married a guy in doctor’s without borders, went to darfur, and came back with her life dedicated to bettering the very poor. Total change.

  8. Went to my 10 year this August. I showed up around 7 in the evening and everyone one was in decent spirits, having a few beers, except for this one guy. He was already fall down, stumble drunk, and people were generally ‘aware’ of him but tolerating him. By 8 he was knocking over tables, and by 9 had completely destroyed the bathroom with vomit. I ask a few friends “hey, what’s up with drunkasfuck over there? Had one too many, huh?” Turns out this time last year he’d slept with another mutual highschool friend’s girlfriend at the time (I went to middle school with the guy) and he’d killed himself 2 days later. I didn’t make the connection but our 10 year was the 1 year anniversary of our classmate’s suicide and the guy who may have played a role in that wasn’t taking it very well.

  9. Twin sisters. The good one straight a student and a perfect angel is now 90 pounds soaking wet and just finished her 4th stint in rehab for drugs. The one who was a trouble maker and constantly in trouble even arrested a few times for drugs and shop lifting while in high school, is a doctor with a family.

  10. I was friendly with this guy K freshman/sophomore year, I think. He was super quiet, shy, incredibly studious, chubby kid. Even some teachers would be like ‘lighten up, relax.’ He came out of his shell senior year and we kind of stopped being friends because he was hanging out with the ‘cool’ kids and having parties where people could drink, etc, and I was super square and uninterested.

    So at my reunion, he was this x20. He is now a ‘hotshot’ kind of guy in DC working for a ‘strategies’ company. (Just googled it, no idea what they do). Anyway, at the reunion he was mostly okay UNTIL he chugged a shit-ton of beers. Some folks had left, but the rest of left at the reunion had gathered around while he picked up a yearbook. He proceeded to shit on EVERY PERSON in our year whether they were there to defend themselves or not. This was a super uncool kid freshman year (who nobody really disliked or made fun of, actually) just bashing everyone for weight, being weird, being uncool, being too cool, etc. My boyfriend was with me (he did not go to HS with me) and was so uncomfortable the entire time.

  11. At the 10 year it’s all about who was successful.

    At the 20 it’s about kids. That’s the one I just went to. We did it over 2 days with the first being a small dinner party at a bar; we rented out a room. The second day was a family day at a local amusement park where we pooled for tickets, rented a pavilion, and had lunch catered.

    At 30 … I don’t know.

    At 40 it’ll be about grandkids.

    At 50 we’ll start asking who is left.

  12. We didn’t have a 10 year but we did have a 22 year. The year we all turned 40. It was so much fun. We rented the summer camp we all went to growing up for the whole weekend. People brought their kids. We got wasted and told stories all night. We were all older and fatter, but nobody had changed a bit.

  13. Had my 10 year last November. A lot of the guys looked a lot older, a lot of the girls looked the same. There were a few girls that no one remembered from high school that got really hot, and there were some cool guys in high school that didn’t look so good. A lot of balding heads on the guys and fake tits on the girls.

    Edit: My graduating class was over 900 people so you can imagine there were a lot of transformations of the people who actually came for the reunion.

  14. I honestly wouldn’t know, as I was not invited. Nor was most of the class. The organizers (who also were the yearbook clique back in the day) sent out a few invites on facebook (which I don’t have) and relied on word of mouth, from what I heard. No one that I still talk to went, or even knew about it. Turns out, only 50 of about 300 people actually got together. Hooray class of 2005. A shame, it would’ve been interesting.

    EDIT: Unfortunately, this seems to be a popular theme these days. Seeing people over facebook isn’t entirely the same as seeing them in person. So it goes. For the record, my high school is in a suburb of Buffalo, NY.

  15. Ten year reunions suck for home schoolers. I should call my sister.

Strip club workers of reddit, what is your best/worst story from the job?

  1. walked into the kitchen and saw one of the girls sitting bottomless on a prep counter

    never, ever eat at a strip club

  2. Best, some nerdy kid who won big at a local Casino came in and pretty much bought out the place and was acting like the king of the world. It was hilarious, awesome and oddly heartwarming as the kid was actually a sweetheart and didn’t really have any pervy motivations. He just wanted to feel like a badass bigshot and have cool pics for his facebook page while he made it rain.

    Worst, One guy stabbed another guy, not much too it, but having to pretty much shut things down and wait for the police to do their thing sucks.

  3. I used to bartend at a club in college. One of the dancers, who was fairly new, was trying a new move on the pole where she hooked her leg around it and stretched her body out so she was parallel to the floor. Well, she fell on her face. There was a lot of blood. As the bouncer and I were helping her off the stage, one of the customers dipped his finger in it and tasted it…

  4. I was a barback for a male strip club for about a week. Female clientele. The shrieking inside that tiny place was unbelievable. I bet if you did a hearing census on male strippers they’d all be half deaf. Anyway, these ladies would be going crazy all over these guys. The dancer I got along with best was named Black Magic. And his main schtick was literally a voodoo doctor coming up on stage to some dark sounding beats and candlelight. You’re probably imagining what a male stripper named Black Magic might look like, and you’re probably right. Anyway, one day I asked him, “Hey, Black Magic, don’t you ever get like crazy blue balls, all these beautiful women rubbing up on you all the time?” And he replied, in his deep voice, “shouldprobablygo, they may be beautiful, but when I look at them? All I see is money.” G as fuck.

  5. I was a cocktail server at a strip club.

    Once, a woman was in the club with around 3 others guys. As the night goes on, she becomes incredibly shit faced. She’s grabbing the dancers, which they dont like. She tries to go into the kitchen because she has to go to the bathroom, the manager turns her around, she then walks into the mens room, is kicked out, tries to go out the emergency exit door, the alarm sounds, then finally gives up and goes back to her chair. She tries to sit down but the chair rolled out from under her and she just fell flat on her ass instead. That was hilarious.

    Monday nights were super slow. One of the older strippers, when it was her turn on stage, just laid down and texted instead. She didn’t make much.

    I was working a Sunday night shift, another notoriously slow shift, when this taxi cab full of 4 dudes roll up, they fall out of the car. They ended up spending over 6k, and I got a 1k tip out of it. That was the best night ever.

  6. Ohhh so much nonsense went on in the club I worked at… there was the time we hosted an all male review only to have the guys delayed 30 minutes. So the club owners put myself and another girl on stage to fill the time. Hell hath no fury like 300 ladies who came to see dudes, not me topless doing a fan dance.

    One girl was beaten in the dressing room till she lost the baby she had been carrying. Her crime had been dancing for someone elses regular customer. They used her face to smash every mirror in the room.

    The club had shootings several times. Sometimes it was gang related, sometimes it was the wife of a husband.

    The funniest was a guy with an ass fetish with a touch of bdsm mixed in who became enamoured with one of the girls. She set me up to talk to him so she could “catch” him talking to another girl. His “punishment” was light and he seemed to be really happy with the show we were putting on for him. From there out he’d show up wearing a shirt he’d made bearing the words so and so’s butt slave. He was the best customer. Lots of money, never inappropriate, and knew it was just a crafted fantasy.

  7. I currently work at a strip club as a bartender, but I have previously worked as a dancer.

    The craziest thing I was asked to do was stomp on / stand on some old dude’s balls in my stilettos. Same dude wanted me to stab his balls with my heel while bending over (not looking at him) and feeding another girl. Made lots of money, but it was like being in the Twilight Zone.

    A dentist came in and sat in the VIP area. I was a relatively new dancer, so I didn’t know he was a notoriously weird and rarely seen big spender. I figured he was in VIP so I should go say hey… Walk over, and long story short he starts handing me money, feeding me steak, and talking to me about buttholes.
    He said the word “butthole” so many times that I would cringe for months afterwards. He drunkenly chanted about how he wanted to lick my ‘butthole’ – “ORAL FECAL,” (x 25) and that’s now his identifying term. He was the first person who mentioned backpage to me and prostitution, as well as how he hired one to shit on his chest. I literally didn’t get naked at all, just sat there and ate some steak and listened to a weird shitty rant… I made a lot of money that night so I think it was worth it – It’s a funny story to tell my friends, but I am happier behind the bar!

    EDIT: Wow, it kind of blew up. I have worked here for most of the past 2 years, so I have A LOT of stories if anyone wants more – Something happens every day!

  8. Yep, I guess I’ll start.

    So I had a regular customer that instead of getting lap dances would just look for lint between my toes. That’s it. Nothing really sexual (except for his fetish), just would look very carefully for lint in between my toes. If a song was over, and he wasn’t done looking, he’d pay for more dances. He was in the club once a week or so, and he was my regular because he really weirded out some of the other girls, but I got to know him and he was a really nice guy, and he tipped very well.

    One day, I put some lint in between my toes for him to find. He came. Hard. He tipped me $100 (which I think was just giving me all the money he had left and had planned to spend that night) and left.

  9. It’s difficult to come up with just one story because weird stuff happens all the time. My best is probably the regular who would buy 15 or 30 minute dances, and we would just talk about video games. He was super nice, and respectful. He also made me a shirt and a couple of towel day towels with really amazing designs on them.

    Another story, a coworker was dancing for this guys girlfriend. Girlfriend was very into it, and the guy got jealous. He yelled at his girlfriend, stormed out, and tried to drive away. He crashed into a new car, and ripped the bumper off it. The guy still drove off, The police were called, and his girlfriend got to hang out in our dressing room for the night

  10. Strip club Manager here.

    I have worked in strip clubs for the most part of the last 11 years. I have forgotten more stories than I remember, but I’ll try to remember a few for you. I live in a more conservative state, so we have a lot more laws governing us than some places do, but funny and stupid stuff still happens all the time.

    We had one dancer giving a guy a private dance, he puked all over the front of her. She went to the dressing room and was giving herself a quick cleanup with some baby wipes and planned on going home to shower, but before she could leave, she found out she still had two more hours of V.I.P dances left. She opted to stay and do the dances instead of showering.

    Another Dancer, another private dance. It was the last song of the night, she turned her back on the guy to shake her butt at him, she wasn’t watching him, in about 2 seconds he whipped his dick out and came on her back, she ran out of the dance crying. The guy walked out of the building before we even knew what happened.

    This hasn’t happened at our club, but I have heard dancers talk about how other girls pissed them off, so they would literally squat over the bag of the hated dancer, and take a dump in it.

    Some people come in with fetishes, having a lot of rules we can’t accommodate many of them, but for one guy we were able to. He has a foot fetish. He would pay V.I.P. dance price (basically an hour dance) for just one song if a girl would dance for him. He would ask them to keep their clothes on. He would then ask them to take their shoes off, scuff up their feet on the ground to get them nice and dirty, then ask permission to take pictures just of their feet. If he was lucky, the girl would let him suck a toe clean.

    A good night in the club is when people come in, drop a lot of money on the workers, are super respectful, and leave with no issues knowing it is all a fantasy and they are in the wrong place to find someone to sleep with.

    I have to get ready for work now, but if I have time when I get there and think of more stories to share, I’ll add them in an edit.

  11. Worst: the time someone bit my ass during a lap dance. I straight up thought about kicking him in the throat with my 6 in platforms. I had a bite size bruise on my booty after for a while :/.
    Best: the night I first met one of my favorite regulars. He was sitting alone at the bar and most of the girls who worked at the club avoided him. Now in this industry that must mean he is either disgusting or doesn’t spend $$$. I sat down next to him and started to talk about his day, what he does, and why he was here. He worked in construction and just spent time to relax and have a beer. He then turned the conversation and started to ask about me, why I was working there, and somehow our conversation turned into talks about literature, chemistry, and philosophy. Even though I was practically half naked, he complimented my brain before he looked at my body. He spent over ~$150 on me for just talking to him. I never gave him a lap dance and everytime he came in after, he would just chat with me, and give me money for his “therapy” sessions. He was my favorite customer because he treated and respected me as a human. That was my best night because I realized I can still be treated the same as everyone else despite of what I do.

  12. Thanksgiving day, Atlanta, GA.

    Thanksgiving is always the best day to work in clubs because the people who are in there either A. have no family, or B. can’t get home for whatever reason. So everyone goes in the club and gets wasted.

    I was drunk by 9 PM, I wanted to take a nap in the dressing room, but it was my turn to go on stage. A super old, really frail old man came up to me and hands me $100, says he wants a dance from me later. I finish my stage set and go over to his table, where a young lady was already sitting.

    I naturally assumed she was an escort (happens all the time, guys bring in their dates for some fun and to get in the mood), because this girl couldn’t have been more than 18, and was wearing “civilian” clothes.

    Old man says to me “Have you met my wife, Jessica?”

    I freeze. Bro, I don’t care how old you are, there is no way you’re going to convince me that this pro is your wife.

    But then I see the ring. She’s got the biggest fucking diamond ring i’ve ever seen on her finger. I shrug my shoulders, shake her hand, and she immediately pulls me outside to smoke. She pulls a flask from her bag, and offers it to me. “do you party?” she asks. I party but there is no way I can drink anymore, and I know it. I politely decline, and she says “more for me then”, and dumps the clear liquid out of her flask and directly into her beer.

    “Did you just mix vodka and beer? that’s disgusting” I wrinkle my nose at her.

    “No, it’s just g”

    oh good, JUST GHB

    “we do it all the time” she finishes.

    of course you do, bbygirl, i would have to constantly roofie myself if I was married to your husband too. Jesus.

    She pulls me into the lap dance rooms and we IMMEDIATELY start making out. This girl is smokin hot, and not wearing any panties. Me, being a stripper after all, is pantiless also. We’re going at it for a few songs (okay maybe like 10 songs), as one ends I tell her “Lets do one more song” and she nods her head. I keep dancing. But something is off, something is definitely not right.

    Turns out, that wasn’t a head nod, this bitch is having a fucking seizure. I freak out. There isn’t a manager in sight, and my cell phone is in the dressing room. I don’t have a clue what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m standing there flailing my arms around thinking I can’t leave her alone back here, but if I do nothing then she might die, and either way I’m definitely not getting paid for all those dances and what the fuck omg what do i do this is too much to handle.

    she stops shaking.

    I’m patting her shoulder “Jessica, Jessica, do you know where you are? do you know what day it is?” some sort of bullshit you think you’re supposed to do with people who have seizures.

    She responds to me by drooling on the floor.

    I hoist her up, and half drag/half carry her to where her husband was sitting. I’m naked as the day I was born, except for my 8 inch sparkly platforms. Seizure Sally over here gets thrown into the chair, and I begin my quest for the husband. Is he in here? is he in the bathroom? is he in the parking lot? seriously he is so old, he might have gotten dementia, wandered off and died in the walk-in or something.

    I finally find him in our most expensive champagne room, underneath a mountain of strippers.

    no really.

    There’s gotta be 8 girls in this room, all in various states of bumping and grinding. I try to get his attention by waving, and even shouting, but his lustful gaze would not be ripped away from Mercedes or Ruby or Princess, or Cece. I try to crawl between legs and snake up without getting my face in anyone’s snatch, and finally get ahold of father-fuckin-time over here.

    “YOUR WIFE ALMOST JUST DIED. WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT??!”

    Grandpa is pissed. He shoves the girls out of his lap, stomps down the stairs, grabs the (now unconscious) wifey and slams through the front door. I’m a little unsure as how I’m supposed to tell 8 girls that they weren’t getting paid for their dances, when he marches back in like nothing happened.

    “How much does she owe you” he asks me.

    “Sir, it’s fine. it’s not a big deal, is she going to be okay?”

    “She does this all the goddamn time. I took her to the car so she can sleep it off. now, how much does she owe you?”

    “YOU’RE GOING TO LET HER SLEEP IT OFF? sir, i can walk on this tab, it’s not a big deal i’m just really worried about h-”

    “COME UPSTAIRS AND DANCE WITH US NOW! I only have $100 bills so whatever she owes you, you’re just going to have to dance the difference with us”

    I’m annoyed, and worried, but I go upstairs and do my job. $500 later I decide I’m going to get my nap. I wake up near 1:30, decide to do a quick run around the floor, can’t hurt, right?

    I open the dressing room door and LOOK WHO HAS WOKEN UP, CLIMBED OUT OF THE CAR AND ORDERED HERSELF ANOTHER BEER.

    I approach her slowly, tap her shoulder and say “Jessica! You’re awake! How are you feeling?

    She responds

    “Hi, I’m Jessica, you’re really pretty, can I get a lap dance from you? Do you party?”

    TL;DR my lap dances so good they cause seizures

  13. I use to be a dancer a few years ago. My ‘best’ story in the end changed how I interracted with many people. I was new at the club and there was a regular that would come in most nights, he was particularly heavy set and would sit in the same spot every night. With a large pitcher of beer he’d drink himself. He was a regular of a dancer I seriously hated. She had been giving him lap dances for a long time and afterwards would come into the back and talk so much shit about him.

    It really upset me because from what I have seen, he was one of the most respectful clients that had ever come in there. He was polite and so nice, he did smell a little but what ever people smell. Shit happens. So she basically stops giving him dances and paying attention to him. Such is life strippers do it all the time. But she was a major cunt about it. So me being a new girl just went over to him to shoot the shit.

    Guy would come up to me and ask me for dances, i’d go into the back give them a lap dance and as soon as it was over, Id be sitting right next to ‘Jim’ (let call him that.) We would talk all the time every night. He was super funny and very nice. And made my nights go by quicker.

    One night he came in and straight up to me and said “You don’t have to know why, but no matter what I will always have your back.” And I didnt know why he said that. And I wouldn’t find out for the longest time. But eventually months went by and he brought up that night again and asked if I wanted to know why he said that.

    He told me that he had planned to kill him self when his regular dancer started to ignore him. He came to the club to spend him money, and go home to a gun he had loaded before he came out. That night though was one of the first that I had sat down with him for the majority of my shift. He went home and emptied the ammo out of the gun.

    He has had my back since then, and I have had his. He is a lifelong friend that I’m so grateful to have.

    Sorry this is long.

  14. My friend Dilshan is a stripper, he makes about £300 ($500), on a good night. Once he was working a hen night, and the girls wanted him to take his pants off, and blindfolded him. They started to put grapes up his bum, he just dealt with it. After 3 grapes, his bum could take no more, and he farted them out (and took his blindfold off) 2 went into the bowl of punch nearby, and 1 drunk woman poured the punch (and 1 grape) into a cup, and drank it and ate the grape. He made about £450 that night.

  15. A friend of mine was stripping one night and a guy shoved his finger in her vagina. She kicked him in the face and broke his nose, but she ended up getting a UTI.

Who ruined something as thoroughly as Hitler ruined the toothbrush moustache?

  1. The name Vidkun was ruined in Norway by Vidkun Quisling. There’s actually an old joke from the war times about it:

    “Hello, I would like to change my name.”

    “Ok, what is your name?”

    “Vidkun Shitstain”

    “And what would you like to change it to?”

    “Paul Shitstain”

  2. Nimrod was a great hunter, until Bugs Bunny compared Elmer Fudd to him.

  3. I don’t know about who, but does anyone remember the appetite suppressant named Ayds? Things went downhill fast for it in the early 80s.

  4. The name “Gaylord”, ruined by society.

  5. The Columbine killers and trench coats to school.

  6. Swastikas were a cool shape until they became associated with Nazis

  7. The KKK ruined ghost costumes

  8. The Belgian name, Dutroux.

    In 1996, one of the worst crimes to have occurred in the rather quiet and serene country of Belgium surfaced. A man and his wife were arrested for kidnapping several girls, abusing them, allowing them to starve to death in their basement, and then once again kidnapping several more.

    In the next two years, a third of citizens with this surname had it altered.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/monitoring/46398.stm

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marc_Dutroux

  9. ever since kim jong il i havent been able to wear a khaki jumpsuit or wear oversized sunglasses.

  10. Lee Harvey Oswald ruined Presidential parades featuring a convertible.

  11. The name Adolf. Also ruined by Hitler.

    Edit* Apparently Adolfo is still used by some.

  12. The TV show archer can’t use the spy agency name ISIS (International Secret Intelligence Service) anymore. Anytime I hear it on the show it just sounds wrong.

  13. Terrorists ruined air travel. You are still probably more likely to be killed by lightning than in a terrorist attack on a plane, yet now air travel is annoyingly difficult. Don’t get me wrong, I can read and know the rules so I don’t try to bring a pocket knife or water bottle. I wear slip on shoes and take everything out of my pockets… but some dumbass inevitably gets in line in front of me and holds everything up. Honestly though… grandma’s nail file isn’t taking down a plane just get her on the damn plane.

  14. Parents who let their small children swallow Buckyballs and got them banned in the US. Those things were fucking awesome.

  15. The name Lolita. Ruined by Nabokov.