Non English-speakers of Reddit, what names are considered ‘trashy’ in your language?

  1. A French friend of mine named his daughter “Janela” (jah-neh-lah) because he thought it is beautiful.

     

    It means window in Portuguese…

  2. In Norway I’d say weird double names like Ole-Kåre and Ronny-Frode sound pretty trashy.

  3. Ironically English names like Jennifer, Justin, Kevin and the like. It seems they cater to a certain demographic. Denmark here.

  4. Basically anything with a non-standard pronunciation or characters. For example written as 海賊王 (the characters mean “pirate King”) and read as ルフィー (pronounced as Luffy). We call them DQN names, because parents who give their kids those kinds of names tend to be DQN, which is one of the ways we refer to trashy people.

  5. In French Kevin is really bad

  6. In Germany, English names like Mandy, Cindy, Ryan, Brian, Justin and also french names like Chantal or Jacqueline are the trashy ones.

    Edit: Also Kevin and Mike.

  7. Italian here: for boys, basically every English names.
    For girls, french names like “chantall” + the english name “Jessica”.

    ” Jessica” is especially bad. If a girl with full italian heritage is called Jessica, you can be 99% sure that at least her parent are trashy.

  8. Sooo… “Kevin” is pretty universally disdained is what I’m getting from all this.

  9. Netherlands:
    English names like John(sometimes written like Jhon), Leroy, Wesley, Joey, Rodney etc.
    Some Spanish/Italian names like Ricardo, Silvio etc.

    I think you can start to see a certain tedency in the comments…

  10. Non-english speakers have no idea what you’re asking.

  11. ITT: English names.

  12. English names! Jonathan, Jennifer, Brian, Kevin, Dylan Jesica/Yesica, and more standar-local names like Pamela, Nadia, Matias. Usually they are pronounced like this : El jony, la Jeny, el brayan, el kevin, el dilan, la yesi/yeya/yes, and they are written like this: “EL BrYån de las wachasSSS@#$#@$”

  13. In The Netherlands Roxanne is pretty bad. Sjonnie as well.

  14. English names, specially if they are written as pronounced in Spanish (Maikol, Yon, Briyit)

  15. Originally from Russia. There were legal common names and you couldn’t make up your own (even Kristina was sort of frowned upon), but we did have some names which were more common among villagers and in general lower education class. They were mostly old Russian names like Varya (Varvara), or Tonya (Antonina), or Klava (Klavdiya), or Glasha (Glafira), etc. They were old fashioned names and often girls would get teased about them.

What are your worst college roommate horror stories? [NSFW]

  1. Bitch didn’t pay rent for 3 months and we didn’t know until AFTER our lease was up. Was just resolved 6 months ago and graduated 2 years ago. Will never sign a joint lease again

  2. Freshman year college had bunkbeds. Drunk roommate comes home before me. He sleeps on top. He drank too much. He wet the bed….like an open fire-hydrant apparently. I came home later and sat down in a flash flood puddle on mine soaked to the core.

    Needless to say I threw it in the shower and told him to get me a new one.

  3. I had a university flatmate who was a bit crazy. It started out with her just stealing my food – I couldn’t leave anything in the kitchen for more than 12 hours or she’d have it – and putting passive aggressive notes up in our kitchen calling me a liar (I have food allergies but apparently I was making them up). She was nasty to anyone I had over. She took all my crockery and put it on top of the cupboards so I couldn’t reach it and I had to climb up and get it all down. She then convinced all of the guys in my flat to take the kitchen furniture and pile it outside my door so I couldn’t get out of my room. I got the flu, she spent a day screaming at me through the wall whilst I alternately cried and slept until my parents came and drove me home. It got to the point where I was considering dropping out of university, but I asked to be put in another flat as a last resort. I got moved into a flat with 5 guys and it was so much messier but so much nicer.

  4. One of my roommates was accused of raping the other during a night of drunken escapades.

  5. My freshman roommate was an ok guy but we didn’t really have a ton in common. I think the housing department matched us up simply because we both liked ska.

    The dude seemed rather asexual. He had friends but never had guests and I couldn’t tell if he was gay or straight or what. Keep in mind that in those days even in the most enlightened circles some people tried to stay in the closet.

    Now one of the things I regret most about college was drinking to excess. And I’d get blotto, where I remembered very little about the night before.

    One night I was way too hammered, don’t even remember how I got back to my room. But I woke up around 4AM to the oddest dream, which was that while I was passed out, my roommate came over to my bed, took off his pants, and climbed on top of me.

    In the dream I woke up while he was pulling down my pants and I rolled over and with one solid push shoved him across the room where he crashed into his bed in his tighty whities. I was a lot bigger and stronger than him and sent him flying. I can still see the image of him hitting his bed like it was yesterday.

    I went back to being passed out and later woke up remembering that weird-ass dream. My roommate was gone, but later that day I saw him and he had a swollen lip.

    I like to give people the benefit of the doubt so I’m not going to say for sure what happened. But a couple of weeks later one of the dudes next door asked me if I wanted to swap roommates and move into his room, and I said yes in a flash.

    tl;dr I think my roommate tried to rape me while I was passed out drunk, but I’m not 100% sure.

  6. She got mad when I moved her clothes to the dryer after they’d been sitting in the washer for a day and a half.

  7. I am in college and my roommate currently likes to jerk off and leave his used cum issues all over the floor. I have told him to clean up after himself a million times. No flushing or throwing them away. Grosses me out so bad and I never bring my girlfriend to my house because of it.

  8. TL;DR Roommate shit his bed and left it for five days until the apartment complex cleaned it up.

    There were four of us in the apartment, with two in each bedroom.

    So one of my roommates (we’ll call him Pig) got sick. Something that was going around the apartment complex we were living in, the flu or something like that. It affected everyone a little differently, and apparently it was giving him stomach issues.

    Pig’s roommate woke up in the middle of the night to a horrible smell, and Pig moaning, “Ohhhh noooo.” Then Pig left the room and slept on the couch.

    Turns out Pig shit his bed. He reported it to the apartment complex and they said they would give him a new mattress, but it would take a few days to find a spare. So what does Pig do? He left it there…for five days. He would sleep on the couch, and because he was still sick he wasn’t going to classes, so he didn’t even go into the room to change clothes. We all yelled at him to clean it up or something so the other roommate could at least be in the bedroom without it smelling like shit, but he would just shake his head and say, “Nah man, I’m not going in there until they clean it up.”

    Pig was a slob in every way (not doing his dishes, leaving food to rot on the counter or in the fridge, not throwing away garbage, etc.), but that was the worst. We kicked him out at the end of the semester.

  9. My roommate once invited a girl that was kicked out of her house to stay with us. Keep in mind our dorm room was barely larger than a prison cell. I listened to them fuck on the bottom bunk more times than I care to remember.

  10. I had a roommate who was racist and obsessed with WWII Nazi. Thought it was just in a History Channel kind of way. He chose to read “Mein Kampf” for a class. Then he started writing juvenile bathroom graffiti in German in the stalls. He became upset when he found out I dated a black girl in high school. Then the swastikas started showing up graffiti in the dorm elevator, along with “N*ggers” drawn in a noose.

    He had a knife collection.

    He seriously came back after the first week with an End table, folding lounge chair, and an easy chair, despite the fact that the room had no real extra space for it any of it.

    He smelled, and tried to get rid of the room smell with a whole can of peach Renuzit one day. He left food garbage in his trash, left for the weekend, and when I empty it because it was smelling, got mad at me for touching his stuff. Said he “take care of me” if I did it again.

    He said he hated kids. He was a special Ed major. I asked why he majored in that if he hated kids. He said “There are 52 Special Ed majors in this school and I am 1 of only two guys.”

    Moved out the start of next semester, as soon as they’d let me. Paid the extra money for a single the next year.

    Edit: Looked him up. Found a picture of himself in Blackface and some creepy black and white photos.

  11. I had a roommate that jacked off CONSTANTLY. I would unlock the door (which was on old school push combination lock, so it took a few seconds THANK GOD) and enter, and hed be shutting his monitor off with his hand over his pants.

    This seriously happened so much that I had TO ACTUALLY HAVE A TALK WITH HIM ABOUT IT after bringing girls over once in a while who would catch him in the act with me and suddenly no longer be “in the mood”.

    Edit: Dont have a problem with him wanking off. God knows I did it, too. But I would catch him twice a week. If I gave you an honest guess…I would say he did it more than 5 times a day. I responded to someone on a comment below with an example of how ridiculous it became: Once he did it when I said I was just going downstairs to the dorm vending machine. Walked down and back up in like 3 minutes and he was hiding his shame.

  12. Dude shaved his chest hair in the kitchen. Also, had a super loud asian girlfriend who screamed during sex, even when we had people over.

  13. Posted this in an older thread:

    My roommate kidnapped two guys and held them for ransom. One hostage was set free weeks later while the other wasn’t so lucky. The body was eventually found in a basement cemented buried in the ground.

    Cops busted into the flat (I rented a room in an apartment – he lived in it before I moved in) and apprehended my roommate while he was sleeping. Tried for kidnapping and manslaughter along with his other few associates.

    This was in Ontario, Canada around 2011/2012. I never really followed the story after I moved the hell out and learned that they were all in jail.

    [Here’s a more detailed story.] (http://www.thestar.com/news/crime/2012/05/11/twomenadmitrolesinhighprofilekidnappingofjohnnyfeiandmarkhamrealestateagenttonyhanwhodiedofaheartattackwhileconfined.html)

    My roommate was Sohaib Malik. He seemed like a normal, nice dude. Student at the local university. Had no problems with him (aside from him using my kitchen knife without permission).

  14. ‘Sharon’ used to eat in her room and then slide the plate under her bed. She’d do this every day until my other roommate and I couldn’t bare the stink anymore (and needed plates for our own dinner). She also regularly invited her drug dealer boyfriend over to hang out in our apt during the day.
    Several times I came home to find deals taking place in our living room.
    Eventually the cops were called by one of our neighbours and we (not him) were interrogated and searched.
    Oh and there’s the time she left a sanitary towel ‘sunnyside up’ on the toilet seat in our shared bathroom.
    I could go on…

  15. Previously posted the last time around here :

    My roommate was this geeky 400 pound guy who watched Sailor Moon in the original Japanese. He had a tiny redheaded girlfriend who regularly beat the shit out of him in daily life, and he let her. On like 6pm on a Thursday, he suddenly asks me if I can vacate the dorm room until 11, as they’re going to have some romantic time. I was a little pissed he gave me no warning, but left anyways. Get back at midnight and walk into a scene of her in black vinyl bondage gear with a riding crop and a taxi driver’s hat, riding him, with him covered in welts from head to toe. Noped the hell right out of there.

What does Bernie Sanders have going against him?[Serious]

  1. My dad (52) claims he’s never heard of him apart from hearing from me. Watches the news every night, etc. People not on the internet do not hear about him.

  2. His supporters are the ones that are statistically least likely to even vote. That’s important.

  3. He’s a socialist. Regardless of how you may personally feel about this, there are millions of Americans who will never vote for a socialist candidate.

  4. All of these answer are pretty biased towards other people not realizing how “great” of a president he would be. It’s just what happens when you have a website full of people who support him and don’t really consider the arguments against him as viable. It’s a lot harder to get the view point of someone against him when this website controls what is the top of the comments. So just remember to take every answer on here with a grain of salt because they probably don’t accurately reflect what problems people see in him.

  5. The issue I see with Bernie is his electability. I know supporters say “well, if we ALL vote for him, we’ll win!” and I just don’t think that’s true. Bernie will drive away more independents than he’ll attract progressives who don’t vote (a group I don’t think there are many of).

    Democrats will lose if they nominate a certain stereotype candidate: the Northeastern Elitist Intellectual. Think about the Democrats who have won and lost in the past 25 years: the losers were Kerry (MA senator) Gore (very intellectual) and Dukakis (MA governor). The winners were Obama (black guy from Chicago) and Clinton (Governor of AK). Now, which group is Bernie more like?

    Bernie is perceived (and perception is what matters) as an old, crotchety, northeastern professor who identifies as a socialist. That sorta thing is very unrelatable on a personal level, and that will be exploited in a general election. While it’s nice to believe his ideas (which I like) are going to attract people, it’s a lot about personality. This is the country where George Bush won on being somebody you would have a beer with. And Bernie doesn’t have that.

  6. his policies are very questionable. his way of thinking has been a reasonable success in scandinavian countries, but very similar policies have been an utter disaster for southern europe. unemployment rates in southern europe:

    italy: 12.4%, portugal: 13%, spain: 22.7%, greece: 25.6%, france: 10.5%

    yet northern european countries:

    norway: 4.1%, sweden: 7.8%, germany: 4.7%

    compared to the USA: 5.5%

    so the effectiveness of social democracy as a good model is still very much up in the air. My main question for bernie sanders is: if you want the USA to be a social democracy, how do you make sure that the USA doesn’t go the way or greece, spain, portugal, italy, and france, and that instead we are social-democratic like the scandinavian states? Because the economic models are essentially the same, yet have had very different outcomes. I haven’t yet seen any detailed plan as to how we can avoid going toe southern europe route as opposed to the northern europe route.

  7. While I find myself agreeing with some of his positions, when it comes to several of the differences between him and other Democratic candidates, I find myself taking the opposite side.

    I think free college for everyone would be a mistake; it would devalue a college degree because everyone would have one, and many solid jobs do not require a college degree to perform. If somebody wanted to become a welder after high school, why wouldn’t they get a free college education, party all week, not focus on study, and then start a welding job after that? Students should have some skin in the game to make sure they take education seriously and better align incentives.

    His financial transaction tax to fund this has been shown by economists studying it in the EU (back in 2011) to be more of a detriment; a more efficient tax would be a higher tax on income or capital gains. I suspect he is aware of this fact and study, but only pushes the idea because it is more popular to tax financial transactions under the guise of hurting Wall Street even if less efficient for society as a whole.

    I am pro free trade. Not only is he against it, he wants to reverse pretty much all trade treaties we’ve made over the past 25 years.

    I think $15 minimum wage is unrealistic. In many big cities that should be the minimum, but in rural parts of the country $10/hour gets you a decent apartment and some going out money. Many small businesses would be crushed.

    He wants to ‘correct the fact’ women earn $0.78 per $1 men earn. This is a misleading statistic at best and an outright lie at worst. He should know better.

    He wants to lift the cap on social security, which would transform this tax from a savings and retirement tax into an income tax with proceeds used to fund savings and retirement. Additional individual payments into social security would not lead to additional benefits.

    I tend to vote democrat (and probably will again this year depending on final nominations), and agree with a lot of Sanders beliefs, but for all the reasons above I will not be voting for him in the primaries.

    EDIT: I’m not saying increasing the minimum wage is bad. I think the minimum wage for people in NYC and SF should be different than for people in Peoria, IL.

    EDIT 2: I am also in favor of additional regulations around firearms. His support of shorter waiting periods and less thorough background checks is concerning.

    EDIT 3: I am very much pro education. Obviously a more educated population the better. But at some point the public should stop funding it and the individual should start. Do we draw the line after high school, undergrad, masters, or a ph.d.? This isn’t a black and white, education vs. no education, free college vs. $50,000/year tuition. There are shades and degrees of change, and I am all for lower public university tuition, but it should not be completely free.

  8. If elected he would be the oldest US president afaik. His VP may be more important than the other candidates’ VPs as a result.

  9. Not so much that he’s done or doing anything wrong, but my concern is his ability to actually enact any of his ideas. I’m afraid he’ll get blocked up like Barry did. There’s a lot of people in Washington that I’d believe will take issue cooperating with a Socialist Jew (but then go right back to mass). Know what I mean? His plans would really shake up the status quo, which Congress seems to be enjoying quite a bit.

  10. The biggest thing I see is how expensive his policies would be to implement.

  11. For me, the predominant concern is his age.

  12. If you go to his website, basically every position he has on issues involves a solution that revolves around raising taxes.

    I realize for the base demographic of reddit, who are in high school or college and lean left, that means almost nothing. But for tax paying, 2 job families with a mortgage, car payments, kids and bills, we want no part of having our taxes raised.

  13. For me, it’s his voting record in support of partial birth abortion. Now I don’t care what you think about abortion, but it’s worth remembering that most of the civilized world (Europe) bans it after 20 weeks and doesn’t consider themselves any less pro-choice for it. Partial-birth abortion is inducing labor, pulling the baby halfway out, and severing the spinal cord at an age where with modern medicine the baby has good odds of survival as a preemie.

    It leaves a bad taste in my mouth that this is something he’s supported in the past. But other things he does, like not accepting corporate donations, are not just the right thing to do, they’re courageous.

  14. He’s kinda known for not cooperating with either his party or the opposition that much. Consequently a lot of his bills have gotten rejected, and if he becomes president he may have the same issue Carter and Obama did, which is an inability to get shit done.
    My view is that strong centrist presidents have the greatest influence on the nation. Of course, their power is dwarfed by the schizophrenic conglomeration that is Congress. So if Bernie Sanders gets elected, he needs to sweep in enough democrats so he can enact his policies with some ease.

  15. I don’t like that he opposes nuclear power. I think the country should reduce dependency on foreign oil by proliferating the nuclear power industry in the states. It’s cleaner, more efficient, safer, and cheaper. Why wouldn’t we do that?

What is the worst physical sensation that is entirely painless?

  1. Hiccups lasting more than an hour. Just fucking shoot me already.

  2. I’ve had sleep paralysis a couple of times and it’s pretty horrible. You try with every ounce of strength to move and roll over but you just can’t. I can only imagine that this could be something along the lines of what a paraplegic must feel every single day.

  3. When you really need to sneeze but can’t

  4. When you think there is one more step

  5. When I broke my arm I also dislocated my wrist, so I had surgery and on top of the plate they put on my radius they also put a long metal pin going between my radius and ulna to keep my wrist in place. (Radius and Ulna are the two bones in your forearm if you don’t know)

    Anyway, once it healed up I had to go in to get the pin removed. Doc just held my arm with one hand and pulled the pin out with the other.

    I would describe the sensation as “nails on a chalkboard” but inside my arm.

    Like if my bone was the chalkboard and the pin was the nail scraping along it.

    It didn’t hurt, ~~by~~ but by god it is a sensation I never want to feel again.

    E: a word

  6. Bed spins after drinking too much.
    Walking through an unseen spider web.
    That feeling you get when you suddenly realize that you left your purse/wallet/phone in a public establishment..over an hour ago!

  7. Biting down a little too hard and accidentally dragging your teeth against each other. Like nails on a chalkboard but in your mouth.

  8. Nausea.

    I’d rather be in pain than nauseous.

  9. Randomly crunching down on a couple of grains of sand.

  10. Trying to put on clean clothes after a shower in a hot and humid room.

  11. That cold shivery chill feeling – every hair standing on edge – that comes immediately before a massive surge of diarrhea.

  12. Restless leg syndrome. It’s a physical sensation distinct from pain, that utterly compels you to move. It starts when you’re tired and want to go to sleep. You can lie still for about ten seconds before the feeling becomes unbearable and you have to move. This cycle continues until you are so exhausted, you fall asleep during those ten seconds.

    I’ve (fortunately) only experienced the sensation in response to drug use or withdrawal. I would say it is definitely painless, but agonizing nonetheless.

  13. Picking up something that turns out to be sticky (honey and jam are the worst) and you wash your hands but you still feel sticky.

    Also: that mushy slippery sensation when you realize you’ve stepped in dog shit.

  14. Your hand reaching through the disgusting cold sink water to reach the drain after its been sitting for a couple of hours because you forgot to drain it.

  15. The feeling of the cotton as you pull out a dry tampon.

If Dr. Suess wrote the bible, what would be your favorite passage of scripture?

  1. Don’t stabbeth your neighbor with a big pointy knife,

    Or covet his buxomous, lustimous wife.

    And honor thy parents, they raised you so well,

    But don’t honor false gods or you’ll go straight to hell.

    Don’t steal from your neighbors, not soft furs nor breads,

    Or falsely claim Jacob wears frogs on his head.

    Don’t cheat on your spouse, for it would be a pain,

    To wake up to her screaming my own name in vain.

    Remember young Jews, take the sabbath with glee,

    But remember, you shall have no other gods before me.

    -EDIT: Thank you for Gold! Never thought I’d have two my first time! Glad so many enjoyed this.

  2. One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fi . . . wait. . . Three Fish, Four Fish, Five Fish . . .

  3. Ezekiel 23:20 “There she flooped after her lovers til her flu-floopers were sore, whose slum-slunkers and blum-bloopers were like those of donkeys and more, and whose emission was like that of the horses next door.”

  4. “Attention attention my daughters and sons. The end times of mankind has truly begun. I’m sending four horseman to travel around, and the sound of the horses will tremble the ground. The White horse is sickness, and plagues does he carry. No laughter, no fun, just more dysentery. The red horse is next violent, destruction his course. War is the rider that rides on this horse. The black horse rides next and it’s name is famine, it eats up all of the food to the very last salmon. The final rider on the pale horse, so grim. This Rider is Death, no escaping from him. My friends and my children I fear this is it, it’s time now for the Apocalypse

  5. ‘Good golly, how jolly! How funny,’ said God –
    ‘How strangishly strange and how oddishly odd!
    You’re fighting and biting and smiting again –
    It’s time I demanded commandments of ten!

    ‘Though gods are a blast and a riot of joy –
    A party of pleasure to treasure, my boy –
    I’m certainly certain, I’m sure you’ll agree,
    There’s no one who’s wholly more holy than me!

    ‘Devotion’s the notion of honour and truth –
    Don’t bridle it worshipping idols in youth!
    If ‘Jesus!‘ or ‘Heavens!‘ you’re heard to have cursed –
    That’s blasphemy, brother, and christ, it’s the worst!

    ‘A Sunday’s a fun-day for glory begun –
    For hymns to the brim, and for songs by the ton!
    Remember to cherish your mommy and dad;
    They messed you up good, but they aren’t all that bad!

    ‘Adultery, stealing – they’re pleasant, of course –
    But totally banned with celestial force!
    They share a perception; it’s perfectly clear –
    Don’t take what you haven’t acquired sincere!

    ‘Be honest, contented, and pleased with your load –
    Don’t weep full of woe for the wealth that you’re ‘owed’;
    Be happy and clappy and merry in mind –
    Be spriteful, delightful, and kindly-inclined!

    ‘But mightily, vitally valued of all –
    No matter the reason, enormous or small –
    Don’t murder another. Go forth, and go far.

    And don’t eat crustaceans. Those things are bizarre.’

  6. Elisha was walking, on a day that was sunny.
    When some children approached him,
    said his bald head was funny.

    They laughed and they pointed, they made him feel bad.
    They mocked him, which rocked him – and made him so mad!

    He stayed as they teased him, and then decided to go,
    he turned back to face them, saying “I’m God’s friend, you know…”

    And as soon as he said that, a chill rose in the air.
    “Look!” the kids shouted. “In the trees, it’s a bear!”

    But it wasn’t just one bear, holy smokes, it was two!
    And they massacred those kids, as bears are known to do.

    They mauled them, and hauled them – and tore them apart.
    Over there flew a leg, over here flew a heart.

    And Elisha just watched, then he winked to the skies.
    “I’m happy I know God, and that God likes bald guys.”

    2 Kings 2:23-25

  7. Horton wept.

  8. “I do not like to eat the ham”

    Are you sure?” said Sam-I-Am.

    “I wont have bacon or even spam.”

    “You sure are picky” said Sam-I-Am.

    Would you eat a piece of pork?

    Or chow down some ribs with a fork?

    “No Sam, you’re making me contrary.

    And also I can’t mix meat with dairy.”

  9. 1 Horse, 2 Horse, 3 Horse, 4 Horse, apocalyptic equine death source.

  10. I am Jesus, Jesus-I-Am

    That Jesus-I-Am, That Jesus-I-Am, I will not deny that Jesus-I-Am.

    Will you deny that Jesus-I-Am? I will not deny that Jesus-I-Am.

    Would you deny that Jesus-I-Am? Would you deny him here or there? I would not deny him here or there. I would not deny him anywhere. I would not deny that Jesus-I-Am.

    Would you deny him in a house? Would you deny him with a mouse? I would not deny him in a house. I would not deny him with a mouse. I would not deny him here or there. I would not deny him anywhere. I would not deny that Jesus-I-Am.

    Would you deny him in a box? Would you deny him with a fox? Not in a box, not with a fox, not in a house, nor with a mouse. I would not deny him here or there. I would not deny him anywhere. I would not deny that Jesus-I-Am.

    Would you? Could you? In a car? Deny him, deny him, yes you are! I would not, could not, in a car.

    You will deny him, Peter you see, you will deny him times three.

    I would not, could not deny him times three. Not in a car, you let me be! I will not deny him in a box, I will not deny him with a fox, I will not deny him in a house, I will not deny him with a mouse. I will not deny him here or there. I will not deny him anywhere. I will not deny that Jesus-I-Am.

    Peter!
    If you listen to me
    You will deny him
    You will see.

    You will deny that Jesus-I-Am
    You will deny him in a car, you will deny him in a box, you will deny him with a fox, you will not deny him in a house, you will deny him with a mouse. You will deny him here or there. You will deny him anywhere. I will deny that Jesus-I-Am.

    I did deny that Jesus-I-Am
    I did, I did
    I’m sorry
    I’m sorry
    Jesus-I-Am

  11. Genesis 19, where Lot’s daughters seduce him.

    Hop, Pop, we like to hop on Pop.

  12. “One day,” God said, “This is what I will do. I’ll send down my son, I’ll send him to you, to clear up this humpity bumpity hullabaloo. His name will be Christ and he’ll never wear shoes. And his pals will all call him the King of the Jews!”
    He didn’t come in a plane, he didn’t come in a jeep, he didn’t come in the pouch of a high-jumping vo veep. He road on the back of a black sassatoo – which is the BLACKIEST creature you ever could view.

    He road to Jerusalem – home of the grumpity Jews – where false prophets were worshipped, some even in two’s. There was Murray von Muir and Genghis Vo Vooze – the one you could worship by taking a snooze.

    Christ spoke from a mound, which is a pile of ground and people gathered around without making a sound. Thus he spake . . . Sin in socks, socks full of sin. How do we quiet this Jehovity din? “Do unto others as they do unto you” That includes you young Timothy Foo!! (points to a little boy) One pharisee said to another he knew – What shall we do with this upitty Jew?

    ‘We can wash him in wine and make him all clean and into Sam Zittle’s crucifixion machine! Twirl the gawhirl and release the gavlease and in go the nails as fast as you please.’

    And it is said that he said as he bled –
    ‘Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do, for they walk through this life in toe crampity shoes.’

    Kids In The Hall already killed this.

  13. For God so loved the world that he gave his only son, so we could live forever, each and everyone.

  14. In the beginning was nothing, not even a mite.

    God stubbed his toe and said, “Let there be light!”

    Said the darkness: “If you’re joking, then we do not get it,”

    For it was formless and void and addicted to Reddit.

    So God he divided the darkness from day,

    And all of the whining soon went away.

    The waters he blew on with a big heave-hum-ho,

    And land came to be, and mountains with snow.

    God said, “not too bad – a bit dull around noon

    “I’d better spangle the skies with stars and a moon

    “And a sun that can set and flig-tigglingly rise,

    “And the birds will flip out and I’ll say it’s for signs.”

    But then God made creatures to creep and to crawl,

    And one tedious dipshit gave names to them all,

    Whose own name was Adam, and his fetish was ribs,

    So God made him a ribgirl, but not any kids.

    The creatures were flapping and swimming and mooing

    And Cthulhu – called Leviathan – was humming and hooing

    And even the harpies and unicorns bonded

    But God was exhausted, and on Saturday nodded.

    Then said a big snake as he dropped from a tree,

    “You people are nerds, come eat apples with me,”

    And Eve was like, “Whoa man, will this get me high?”

    “You’ll know you’re butt naked, and what’s special about guys.”

    So then God was pissed, and smited the miss,

    With original sin, and it hurt when she pissed,

    And also when birthing both Abel and Cain,

    Who were totally shitlords and gave Eve a bad name.

    One was a killer and the other deceased,

    Cain went off to live with the folks in the East.

    And now we’re all screwed, Cain’s blue and tattooed,

    Because apples are gateways to knowing you’re lewd.

  15. The sun did not shine

    It was too wet to play

    So we sat ‘neath the tree

    All that cold, cold, wet day

    I sat there with Evie

    We sat there, we two.

    And I said, “How I wish

    We had something to do!”

    Too wet to go out

    And too cold to name beasts

    So we couldn’t do anything

    But sit beneath trees.

    So all we could do was to

    Sit!

     Sit!
    
    
          Sit!
    
               Sit!
    

    And we did not like it

    Not one little bit.

    And then something went ‘Thump’!

    How that bump made us jump!

    We looked!

    Then we saw him climb up in the leaves

    We looked!

    And we saw him!

    The Snake in the Trees.

    And he said to us,

    “Why do you sit in this breeze?”

    “I know it is wet

    And the sun is not sunny

    So you should live

    In a home, like this bunny!”

    “I know how to build lots of things,”

    Said the Snake

    “I know some new tricks

    And some stuff we can make

    A lot of good tools.

    I will show them to you.

    Your Father

    Will not mind at all if I do.”

    Then Evie and I

    Did not know what to say.

    Our Father was out of

    the Garden that day.

    But the Angel said “No!

    Make that snake go away!

    Tell that Snake in the bush

    You don’t want him to stay.

    He should not be here.

    He should not be about.

    He should not be here

    When Jehovah is out!”

    “Now! Now! Have no fear,

    Have no fear!” Said the Snake.

    “My knowledge is fair.”

    And he smiled as he spake.

    “Why, we can have

    Lots of good fun, if you dare,

    Just bite on this apple,

    Your father won’t care.”

    “Remember” the Angel

    cried out as he spake

    “The fruit of THAT tree

    He has said NOT to take!”

    “Have no fear!” said the Snake.

    “I will not let you fall.

    I will teach you about

    Everything, all in all.

    I will tell you of clothes

    And of pleasure and then

    I will show you all new kinds

    Of ways you can sin.”

    “Look at me!

    Look at me now!” said the Snake

    “If you eat of this apple

    Then you’ll be awake.

    You will know right from wrong

    You will see as HE sees

    Then you can decide

    How to act as YOU please.”

    That is what the snake said

    As Eve looked in my eye

    She said “I’m just not sure

    ’bout this little guy.

    He says lots of things

    That sound real nice to hear,

    But what would our Father say?

    That’s just not clear.”

    And our Angel spoke up “Think of

    What you were taught!”

    He said, “Will HE like this?

    Oh, no! HE will not.

    This is not a good thing

    You do not wish to know

    What will happen if you

    Let him show what he shows.”

    Then he turned to the snake

    and he said “You should go.

    Their Father will punish you

    for your ego.

    You should not be here

    When our Father is not.

    You get out of this wood

    Or else you will be caught!”

    “But I like to be here.

    And I don’t want to stop!”

    Said the Snake in the Tree

    to the Angel up top.

    “I will not go away.

    I do not wish to go!

    And so,” Said the snake

    And so,

    So

    so

      so
    
         so...
    

    I will show you

    Some more good things that you should know!”

    And then he crawled down

    and as quick as a blink,

    He looked up at us and said

    “Here’s what I think.

    The best part of you has been

    blocked from your mind.

    You can have LOTS of fun

    when you two are combined.”

    Then he sat up at us

    And he said with a grin

    “Now this is what we call

    Original Sin.

    On your skin are two things

    I will show to you now.

    You will like these two things.”

    Said the snake with a bow.

    “If you just take a bite

    of this apple I brought

    You will learn of this Sin

    and will like it a lot.

    I will tell you all how

    And you’ll learn something new

    with those things; let us call them

    Thing One and Thing Two.

    These Things will not bite you.

    They want to have fun!

    If you’ll just let me show you

    Thing Two and Thing One!”

    And Evie and I

    Did not know what to do,

    We did not know what it meant

    To learn something new.

    The Angel said “No!

    Please just listen to me!

    Those things are intended

    For Biology.

    Your Father will tell you

    But please listen now!

    You must not eat the fruit

    That He did not allow.

    He should not be here

    When your Father is not!

    Put him out! Put him out!

    You don’t know what Snake sought.”

    “Have no fear, Angel friend”

    Said the Snake in the grass

    “The things that you fear

    They will not come to pass!”

    And then turning to Eve

    The snake said “Is it clear

    What God Said of this fruit?”

    The snake looked with a sneer.

    “IF we touch it or look at it

    Then Surely we’ll die.”

    Evie said, “It’s the only rule

    We must abide.”

    “Surely not!” Said the Snake

    “You will not surely die!

    It is good fruit!” he said

    “I would not tell a lie!”

    The Angel and I

    Did not know what to say.

    Evie looked at the Snake

    and the Fruit, then away.

    She reached up and touched

    The Fruit up in the tree

    She pulled it right off and then

    Looked right at me.

    She took a big bite and then

    Started to chew,

    And her eyes lit up

    As she said to me “You

    Must try this new fruit

    God forbade us to eat!

    It is good, Oh so good!

    It is ever so sweet!”

    And the serpent crawled off

    As I looked in her eyes

    And I took from her hand

    The great fruit of the wise.

    I took a big bite

    And I saw it was true!

    There was so much to learn!

    There was so much that’s new!

    Then we noticed the Things

    That the Snake told us of,

    And we felt quite ashamed

    Of this new kind of love

    So we knitted the leaves

    Of a fig tree found near

    And then to our great horror

    Oh, what should we hear?

    “Say Adam and Evie,

    Oh where did you go?

    I must talk to you.”

    Said Father “Hello?

    Where are you?” He said

    And then I replied “Here…

    I heard you and ’cause I was

    Naked I feared

    That you would be angry

    with Evie and me.”

    Then God looked at us and said

    “How can this be?

    Who said you were naked?

    Did you eat of the tree?”

    Then I said, “Evie ate it

    And gave it to me.”

    And God looked at the woman

    and said to here “Eve”,

    But before he continued she said

    “I was deceived

    By that snake that you saw

    Run away over there

    By the bush.” And God

    Looked with a glare

    At the Serpent and said

    “You are Cursed now, you hear?

    For the thing you have done,

    You will now live in fear.

    You will crawl on your belly

    You will only eat dust

    And one day, Eve’s Grandchild

    Will do what he must

    To correct this error

    With a great thing that’s just.”

    To the woman He said

    “Eve, just to be clear,

    I will now make your childbirthing

    Pain quite severe.

    And also, you must

    Be Obedient now

    To Adam, your husband,

    Obey him somehow.”

    To me he said

    “Adam, you’ve made a mistake

    By listening to Eve

    You will hurt, you will ache.

    The Earth will not mind you,

    No it will not obey,

    So hard work will sustain you

    Throughout all of your day.

    By the sweat of your brow

    You will work for your food

    Til’ the day that you die,

    Then Adam, well, you’d

    Turn back to dust

    Since from dust you were taken.

    You shouldn’t have listened

    To Eve; you’re mistaken

    To think that My Word

    Would be quickly forgot.

    And now stay in this Garden

    Is something you’ll not

    Continue to do,

    I’m afraid you must leave.”

    Then Eve and I wept

    as we turned, and we grieved.

    This Paradise Lost

    That we once had, forever

    Was forbidden to us

    And then God said “However…

    Before you should go,

    I will take care of you

    For you are my children

    and I will see you through.”

    And He gave them new clothes

    Made of warmer fur choices

    And then sent them away

    With a cry in their voices.

    For Adam and Eve were

    Removed from His Grace,

    As they gazed at the new Earth

    And then took their place.

    I turned to my love

    And said “I shall not fear,

    For though this is sad,

    I am with you, my dear.

    The future is hard, but

    We will persevere.

    Together we will

    Be Earth’s new pioneer.”

    We turned from the Garden,

    To the East we were led

    To begin our new lives

    A new pathway to tread.

What’s one thing you want to know, but at this point are too afraid to ask?

  1. How to transfer a call at work. I’ve been there for too many years now to not know.

  2. My coworkers names.

    It’s been 3 weeks now. 80% of them are now called “Hey”

  3. What to tell the person when I go to get my haircut. For 3 years I went to the same person and I would always tell her “just the usual” and it was perfect. I just want my hair trimmed a bit but I don’t want to sound like an ass when I ask for it to be shorter

  4. If I have the gene that causes ALS.

    It’s rarely genetic, but it is in my family. My mom had it. Her mom had it. 2 uncles and 2 cousins. After my mom died, her body was donated for research. And because of this research they identified the gene mutation that causes familial ALS. But I’m too scared to take the test. It’s a 50/50 chance. Go Dads genes go! That would be the only good thing my biological father ever did for me.

  5. If my male friends have ever jerked it to my photos

    just a curiosity

  6. Why do hotel breakfast buffets have such tiny glasses to refill water?

  7. What’s being on a period like? I’d imagine it’s hellish, but it’d be weird to ask someone.

  8. If my son is gay. It’s hard to tell. I don’t want to embarrass him if he isn’t.

  9. Peoples names. For some reason, unless I hear a name two or three times, It never sticks. And sometimes, I can bluff my way through a conversation when I mishear them, but it makes things very awkward when I need to introduce them.

    EDIT: I leave for 7 hours and I come back to all the comment karma ever. Thanks…umn…uh…whatever your names are.

  10. Should guys shave their pubes? I’m old enough that it’d be weird to ask a friend, and I honestly don’t spend any time around naked men so I’m not sure about the societal expectations…

  11. This thread gets really sad the deeper you go.

  12. WHATS THE FUCKING JOHN CENA JOKE I DO NOT GET IT

    Edit: I couldn’t breathe for a good four minutes. Thank you Reddit, I needed that video in my life

  13. the name of the girl who sits next to me in anthropology

  14. How much time do I have left.

  15. How does one go about flirting? I have been told I’ve done it before, but I can’t remember consciously doing so. At 29 I am embarrassed that I have no idea how to talk to women I am interested in and make it apparent I am interested without just saying “ayy baby, u wan sum fuk?”

    Edit: Holy shit, this flirting thing is more complicated than I thought.

Redditors who had someone from real life discover your throwaway, what happened afterwards?

  1. It wasn’t a throwaway but I had a post make it to the front of /r/showerthoughts one time and that day I was bragging about it to a girl I had just met in one of my classes who said she used Reddit. Obviously the post was really easy to find so she found it and looked through my comment history and found out about a family tragedy that I had been using Reddit to vent about. I wouldn’t have known she read it except that she talked to me the next class and told me she went through a very similar situation and now we’re good friends and we talk all the time when we otherwise might have never spoken again! It was awkward at first but I ended up being really grateful because it gave me a new friend who I could talk to about stuff that was hard to talk about with other people.

  2. I convinced them the throwaway that they thought was mine was in fact not. I did this by having a second throwaway with not much nsfw stuff on it (just comments on nsfw subs) and some comments that made it obvious it was me. They took the bait and figured the one they had found was just someone who was similar to me.

    TL/DR: I had a second ‘fake’ throwaway I used to work my way out of it.

  3. PSA to everyone using a throwaway:

    When telling a story, change irrelevant details so that it is much harder to track back to you.

    Ie. If you have a story about your vacation to California, change it to the Bahamas. Did something embarrassing in 8th grade? Say it happened in 7th. Had a bad professor? Well the subject they taught is not relevant to your story, but you’ve never taken Physics III, so say you did.

  4. Posted a question to a subreddits. Hero reditor emails my professor. Academic dishonesty, 0 , failed the course. Cost $2,000 to retake over summer.

    My username? My school Id name

  5. It got used in court.

  6. Sort of related, one time I saw an /r/teenagers post regarding some of my friends bashing another one of our friends, who they viewed as socially awkward. Then they SHOWED HIM THE THREAD and the comments became a sea of rude comments onto him, from them. I felt sick to my stomach and eventually ended up sticking up for the outcast friend IRL because although i didn’t like him much, bashing someone over reddit is just slimy. Now I don’t really associate with any of them so it doesn’t matter ¯_(ツ)_/¯

  7. I GOT THIS except for the fact it was this account and not a throwaway.

    I posted a TIFU about this prank I pulled during senior year of high school. Here’s the post

    Well somehow the administration saw that post and accused me of bragging and extended the probation and electronics ban I had gotten. Plus they were able to put me into ISS (Edit: In School Suspension you snarky bastards) cause I explained how to pull the prank to others

    Dont worry though I didnt get into any more trouble than that. Compsci was hard but I passed.

  8. I actually caught my girlfriend of almost 2 years cheating on me with my best friend, because she wrote about it on a throwaway… Needless to say we broke up

  9. Slight twist, I discovered my ex’s throwaway account and I found out he had cheated on me. We lived together and I frequently borrowed his laptop. After we broke up I remembered the account, searched it hoping I would find a post saying he missed me and wish he didn’t break up with me. Instead, I found out he had cheated on my while I was on a business trip with a random woman, and he was asking how HE could get over the guilt. I called him, he confessed, I freaked out and he hung up on me.

    Additional context: he was unemployed for 4 months after he got fired from a job I got him at my uncle’s company, and he didn’t pay rent for 2 months. Ultimately, it helped me move on, and realize I dodged more bullets than Keanu Reeves.

    TL;DR: Found out my ex cheated on me by discovering his throwaway.

  10. Not my throwaway, but one time my boyfriend was like “You probably browse /r/harvestmoon, /r/relationships, /r/sailormoon, /r/askreddit. I don’t even look at your reddit.” I don’t care if he does, but I know he does because that was spot on.

  11. Not a throwaway but I went on my reddit account once on a friend’s phone. Didn’t close the tab, and he found my account. He didn’t tell anybody else about it thankfully, and then later confessed that he had been looking at some of my activity. Then he told me it would only be fair if I knew his reddit account and gave me his username.

    I cut ties with him after a quick search through his history. That kid’s a fucking psycho and the fact that he’d let me see all the shit he has on his account made me nope the fuck out of there!

  12. Wasn’t a throwaway it was this account but I told my brother who is a redditor that I had a question make it to the front page here without thinking he could easily put 2 and 2 together. Don’t have much on here to worry about so it’s whatever if he ever did figure it out.

  13. i posted on /r/relationships asking for advice on how to deal with my parent and their partner. I was 15 or 16 at the time.At the time It was really bad and i was basically being treated badly so i was justified.

    I was at work and decided to check my account during my break. I saw that someone had posted a REALLY long comment like literally thousands of words long. Before reading i was like …hmm i guess someone really likes giving advice?

    I then looked at the posters username and my heart nearly stopped, because it was my parents(It was their initials basically). I was like WTFFF and started reading. It was basically saying how ungrateful i was and how i should be more like my twin sibling etc. etc. but thousands of words long.

    I was so confused as to how my post was found(it didn’t get frontpage or anything). Looking back i think maybe my parent looked through my internet history or something?. Anyway I was also confused as to why they didn’t talk to me in real life but decided to comment online?

    I basically pretended i didn’t see it. A few days later my parent just said to me(I don’t exactly remember but it was something like) ‘I saw your post and you shouldn’t post online’. No ‘lets figure your problems out’ or anything 🙁

    I deleted the thread after and went through and deleted any other rants about them off my account but didn’t delete the account. I am hoping it was a one time thing and that i’m not having my posts read through but i really don’t know.

    In the thread heaps of people commented on the comment about how they were a terrible person/parent so that made me feel better

  14. I accidentally reddit-stalked someone from my grad program. Was reading a post and thinking I could offer some advice when I realized the details matched up with someone I knew. I left a vague-but-specific comment to check and sure enough, I was right. That was the end of it, though I realized I was letting her know my username by doing so. Haha. She never mentioned it afterwards.

  15. I made a post mentioning /r/yiff with my account (not a throwaway) and a guy who goes to my school found out because it was pretty obvious that it was me. He was cool though and didn’t tell anyone and now he PMs me yiff every now and then.