What’s something that everyone finds normal but makes you extremely uncomfortable? [Serious] [NSFW]

  1. Talking on the phone in front of people. I’ll walk outside or into another room, but I feel so uncomfortable if I have to talk on the phone around people.

  2. When someone tells me “Hey, I need to talk to you, lets talk [tomorrow / this afternoon / sometime in the future]”

    Oh shit, something is horribly wrong, I’m getting fired, or dumped, or they ate my pet, or the world is going to careen into the sun, why won’t you talk to me NOW? What is so horribly bad that we need a private room and you had to warn me ahead of time that we’d talk about it?

    Had a boss who did this to me once on a Friday, “I want to talk to you Monday morning, set aside some time ok?”

    I had to kill them by Saturday night, there was just no other way.

  3. Writing birthday/holiday/sympathy/event cards. Everything I write feels so forced and superficial, I fucking hate writing cards.

  4. I hate singing or being sung happy birthday

  5. Wakes. They creep me out. Hey, Herb just died… Let’s pump him full of preservatives and wheel his dead body out so we can all look at it. Yuck.

  6. Hearing a woman singing in French. I can’t find a reason for something so specific (no traumatic experiences or anything), but it just makes me feel extremely awkward.

  7. Accepting praise or nice things from others, it feels like I’m taking advantage of them and even if I do deserve the praise, it still seems wrong to me

  8. When the teacher says to get into groups

  9. I can’t stand it when someone who isn’t my wife rubs my shoulders, or touches me more than a simple handshake or a hug greeting. Most people love that shit.

  10. Dunno if this is considered normal or not but people who make weird noises when they are enjoying their food. A bit too much. Like “mmmmm mmm oh God so good (heavy breathing), ohh, mmmm”….

    I’ve heard a lot of people do this. I love food too, but this grosses me out. Especially the heavy breathing part.

  11. Smiling for a picture. I mean, I try not to look like a sullen asshole when someone takes a photo of me but I hate forcing a smile. My forced smiles make me look like I’m either insane or someone stuck something up my ass unexpectedly.

  12. Knowing whether to hug or handshake.

  13. My own birthday. I hate being reminded every year that I’m getting older, and I hate being the center of attention in such a way that “celebrates” me. It just feels so awkward.

    Oddly enough, I love others’ birthdays. Celebrating others doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

  14. I think it’s extremely weird that at 18 you are supposed to make the decision as to what you want to do for the rest of your life. High school in America offers almost no guidance/exploration into different career fields and the majority of 18 year olds have almost no worldly experience, yet they are expected to pick a career and typically invest between 2-6 years and thousands of dollars studying that field, then find a job in it and work it to retirement?

    When I was 18 I couldn’t decide what my favorite type of cake was. I’m 27 now, back in school after a 3 year hiatus, and have changed majors probably 5 times.

    It’s insanity.

  15. pooping in a public washroom

What jobs exist purely because people are dicks?

  1. The people who stand by the doors and say goodbye to you as you leave best buy to make sure you’re not stealing shit

  2. Cheap security guards, the kind that watch parking lots so people feel safe(r) and the kind that work graveyard shift watching a vacant lot so no one will steal materials.

  3. My last job was as a lab technician who would visit oil refineries to watch their analysts test products they were selling to other oil companies and counter sign the certificate to say it was done properly.

    Basically, neither company trusted the other to be honest, so had a third company come in as in independent. Of course, when over 50% of our work came from one of those two companies, we weren’t truly independent anyway.

    It was a job that shouldn’t exist, and added no real value. In 3 years I only refused to accept one result, which was completely invalid and was a glaring fuckup. I’ve never heard of anyone else catching anything, and I’ve know a lot of people in this job wouldn’t watch any of it, and just sign the certificate at the end.

  4. The people who have to inspect Chatroulette for masturbating dicks.

  5. Litter-collectors.

  6. Bouncers

  7. Antivirus/Antimalware companies

  8. Social Worker here. I wouldn’t have a job if people were decent to each other.

  9. Transportation Security Administration.

  10. If you consider being a dick is doing anything that you are technically not supposed to, then if people all of a sudden stop being dicks. Pretty much anything related to security would make a lot of people be out of jobs.

    Door lock/padlock industry wouldn’t exist. Alarm companies too. Nothing would ever require locking.
    Surveillance, of any sort. Non existent.
    The gun industry would probably only be good for hunting and protection against wild animals.
    Bulletproof/armored stuff, unless it’s for people who are hunting and know other people are out there and might confuse you with a orange-vested deer.
    Any sort of internet security too, passwords. None of that would be required. Imagine a world where no one would try to ever access your account or bank data, because it would mean being a dick. This would mean you don’t need passwords anymore.
    A big chunk of people of the government would also be eliminated, because many of those people are there to ensure other people aren’t being dicks.

    Edit: Obligatory thanks for the gold, kind stranger. We’re off to a start to rid the world of dick people.

    Edit 2: As some people pointed out, locks would still exist to prevent accidents like high voltage rooms, medicine cabinets, so on. But it would be radically different. A very simple lock would suffice on most cases.

  11. Moderators

  12. Child protective services

  13. The fellow in my town who is hired by the grocery stores to collect all the shopping carts that people take to their apartment buildings and then throw in the canal.

  14. Cart pushers.

    For all the people out there who refuse to return a cart.

    EDIT: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!

  15. Urologist

What is the best/funniest recurring joke in a TV series?

  1. The hamsterball in Malcolm in the middle

  2. That crappy video camera they keep using in It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia

  3. No one knowing where Fez is from.

  4. The pineapple in Psych.

    EDIT: And also (as fifteen comments have reminded me) when ~~Shawn~~ Gus says “Have you heard about Pluto?”

    His different names for Gus are also pretty great.

  5. Kirk having every job in Stars Hollow.

  6. I don’t know if you count these as they are late night talk shows but…

    Jimmy Kimmels burning hit hatred for Matt Damon and the best one, whenever Paul Rudd is in Conan and he plays the Mac and Me clip.

  7. Kenneth being immortal in “30 Rock”.

  8. That Dale is so oblivious that Nancy and John Redcorn are having an affair / that Joseph is not his real son in King of the Hill

  9. STEVE HOLT!

  10. Shut up Leonard from Community.

  11. Archer always knowing how many shots have been fired and Brett getting continually shot over and over again by Archer.

  12. “I have a cunning plan.”

  13. Chicken dance, Arrested Development.

  14. Dr. Cox Calling JD girls names.

  15. I hate Toby

What is the biggest fuck up in history?

  1. Mao ordering the mass killing of birds because he thought they would eat the corn off the farms and compromise the harvest. In the end the lack of birds lead to a explosive growth in parasite populations that destroyed the harvest completely in some areas. What followed was a massive famine killing millions.

  2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kong%C5%8D_Gumi

    The world’s oldest company, founded in 578 AD. Run continuously by descendants until 2006 when the last guy, Masakazu Kongō, fucked up and the company fell on hard times. They were liquidated and purchased by another firm.

  3. 1666 great fire of London.

    Started by a baker who left a pie in the oven too long.

    Perhaps the bigger fuck up was that most of the buildings were made of wood and built very close together.

  4. This one actually had a happy ending, but it was a terrifying screwup.

    When Air Canada took delivery of its first Boeing 767, on one of its first flights they forgot to convert from Imperial to Metric and put X litres of fuel on the plane, instead of X gallons.

    The plane ran out of fuel over Western Canada. Fortunately, the pilot had experience flying gliders and brought it down safely in Gimli, Manitoba. The plane became known as the “Gimli Glider.”

    EDIT: correction – they put X pounds of fuel on the plane instead of the required X kilograms.

  5. That grad student who killed the world’s oldest tree trying to measure its age.

  6. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lake_Peigneur

    > This created an opening in the bottom of the lake. The lake then drained into the hole, expanding the size of that hole as the soil and salt were washed into the mine by the rushing water, filling the enormous caverns left by the removal of salt over the years. The resultant whirlpool sucked in the drilling platform, eleven barges, many trees and 65 acres (260,000 m2) of the surrounding terrain. So much water drained into those caverns that the flow of the Delcambre Canal that usually empties the lake into Vermilion Bay was reversed, making the canal a temporary inlet. This backflow created, for a few days, the tallest waterfall ever in the state of Louisiana, at 164 feet (50 m), as the lake refilled with salt water from the Delcambre Canal and Vermilion Bay. The water downflowing into the mine caverns displaced air which erupted as compressed air and then later as 400-foot (120 m) geysers up through the mineshafts.

  7. Nicholas II NOT taking Grigori Rasputin’s advice to NOT enter World War One.

  8. In 2003, a lost hunter lit a signal flare near San Diego. The flare started a fire that would later spread to become the biggest one in the history of California. The fire destroyed an estimated 300,000 acres, 2,322 homes, and killed 14 people.

  9. Franz Ferdinand ~~seeing~~ surviving an attempted assassination, then…

    • sticking around in an open car

    • leaving his escort behind

    • taking an unknown back alley to go see the victims in a hospital

    • getting lost, reversing a 1914 automobile into stalling… in front of a diner Gavrillo Princip was in

    His sense of direction started 2 wars, a pandemic that killed even more, and the fall of at least 3 empires, and most colonies on earth.

  10. When Ronald Wayne sold his 10% stake in Apple for $800. That would be worth $35 billion today.

  11. Accepting a wooden horse as a gift from your enemy.

  12. In terms of the entertainment industry: Blockbuster turning down an offer to buy Netflix.

  13. Netflix was founded because Blockbuster refused to waive one of the founder’s late fees.

  14. Everyone’s going real heavy on this one so for something a little lighter, Decca Records turning down the Beatles seems like quite the mistake with hindsight.

  15. The Hubble telescopes lenses is worth mentioning I

    I watched a documentary about the space program and they did a big segment about the Hubble. My memory is foggy on some details so my apologies beforehand. Basically they spent a metric fuck ton of money on this telescope, launch it, get first photos back and they are super blurry. They found out (I believe) the lenses were the wrong size or wrong prescription for sir Hubble (joke) and had to launch a massively expensive repair mission that could have very seriously damaged it beyond repair. Astronauts hadn’t been used for repairs that small and intricate and it was a gigantic fuck up that ended up working out.

What is the best “the bad guy won” ending?

  1. Lord of War

    Literally the last line of the film “They say evil prevails when good men fail to act. What they should say is, evil prevails.”

  2. Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs

    “I’m having an old friend for dinner.” Such an awesome line.

  3. Memento… although this is a bit different from the generic ‘villain wins’.

  4. Forget it Jake, It’s Chinatown

  5. No country for old men.

  6. Kotor 1, dark side ending. Revan defeating Malak AND the Republic simultaneously, reclaiming his title as dark lord of the sith, is immensely satisfying. Also, specifically, the scene where the republic realises Bastila is using battle meditation against them and they are truly fucked is wonderful.

  7. Seven

  8. The original SAW. Other than being a complete surprise, the knowledge of what happened during the movie would continue to happen left a big impression

  9. Berserk, the golden age arc.

  10. Watchmen

  11. Nightcrawler.

  12. Red Dead Redemption. Granted, you don’t play post credit. Still though, damage is done

  13. Gone Girl.

What is the most embarrasing thing you could admit about yourself on Reddit but never in real life?

  1. When I was younger I had a bunch of superhero trading cards.

    I used to take the female ones and put them in my pants.

    In the front.

    So they’d touch my penis.

  2. I broke my foot doing the long jump while playing Kinect Sports on the Xbox 360

  3. I thought I was bit by a deadly spider conveniently on my vag. I had a panic attack and went to the ER because I was obviously dying. So I’m laying on a bed in the ER with my legs spread and no pants and the nurse is like, “Yup, definitely an ingrown hair”.

  4. Shit myself on a homicide scene. As a cop.

    Associated story http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/29cjfh/tifubytrustingafartonacrimescene/

  5. Before I knew what down syndrome was I thought I just saw the same guy everywhere.

  6. When I was 8 I got a boner and didn’t know what to do with it. So I stuck it in a glass of water and remember thinking, well that sucked.

  7. A couple months ago I decided to take on the challenge of orgasming without touching. I was doing pretty good and was on the verge of cumming but then I just pissed myself instead.

  8. I used to suffer from gas incontinence, also known as leaky gas. What this meant is that my body would constantly release gas, so I was basically silently farting 24/7. Along with this my body was no longer digesting food properly, so every fart smelled like a lactose intolerant person had just drank a gallon of milk and let it all out. Worse than sewage.

    So imagine me on a PACKED plane, on a 10 hour flight trying to fly home after I just got sick. The entire cabin hated me, the person behind me got an air freshener from his carry on and for the entire flight would spray it every 5 minutes. I also heard multiple people around me complaining and asking the flight attendant to be moved – but the plane was at capacity. I was so embarrassed I just pretended to sleep for the entire 10 hour flight, while people “pretended” to bump into me or knock my seat in an effort to wake me up and get me to stop.

    I was sick for a year.

    Worst illness ever.

    EDIT: A lot of people are asking; it was caused by either some street food I ate while in Asia or some milk I drank. A specialist that suffered from a similar illness said what I ate probably killed a lot of bacteria in my intestines and my body was slowly becoming accustomed to foods again. There were other bad symptoms, but this was by far the most annoying one. After many tests and attempted treatments, I eventually got better by taking probiotics daily and avoiding any foods that contained lactose. I’m 99% better today, and it took a while but I’ve finally regained my tolerance to most foods – including those that have lactose.

  9. I’ve named all the radiators in my house.

  10. i thought cantaloupe was some sort of animal from australia

  11. I literally have no friends outside of “coworker friends” who cease interaction at the end of work.

  12. My bladder can hold gallons of piss. I can go on for minutes. It’s because I was too scared to use other toilets than the one at home when I was young. It adapted. Now I’m Bladder Man.

  13. I tell everyone that i don’t do facebook, but I have a secret facebook account that I only use to play Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Alright, I have two secret facebook accounts that I only use to play Who Wants to be a Millionaire.

  14. I walk my dog late at night so I can spend a solid hour dancing as I go and no one will see me.

    I think I’m a happier man because of this.

  15. I just found out that the fetus I’m pregnant with never developed a brain and will die upon birth (heart still beats because it has brain stem). I can’t terminate because I’m past 20 weeks. Now, I just hope everyday that it will die so I don’t have to feel it move anymore.

Females of reddit: What are some male traits that immediately make you think “shit, he’s crazy”?

  1. Guys that talk about every girl they’ve ever known as sluts and bitches, and how you’re ‘not like other girls’

  2. ”Sorry but I can’t have coffee with you tonight, I have plans with my family.”

    Guys parks outside your house for almost 5 hours waiting for you.

    Nope^nope^nope

  3. They always respond to small annoyances or inconveniences with violence (kicking pets, destroying household items, punching holes in walls, slamming doors, getting in people’s faces and screaming, muttering about “gonna fucking KILL someone”).

    Also, guys who brag about physically harming others.

  4. When they constantly mention how much money they have, or some other measure of power or status (expensive sports car they have, flashy vacations they’ve been on).

    These guys always wind up being crazy. They don’t seem to understand valuing people for being good people.

  5. When he blames everyone else for his problems, and never self-reflects.

  6. When I was 18, a guy wouldn’t stop sending me five-page emails that alternated between declaring his love for me/asking me to marry him, and describing his violent fantasies about me. Yup. 🙂

  7. If he wants to be with you all the time. I don’t mean the infatuation phase wanting to hang out whenever you can normal thing. I mean, he can’t even change the oil in his car without asking you to pull up a chair and keep him company. Controlling red flag

  8. When all of his exes are “bitches”.

    If you walk around all day and keep smelling shit, you’d better check your shoes.

  9. if he texts me every 2 minutes. don’t. just don’t.

  10. Went on a date with a guy and he was telling me how his whole family would love me and maybe I can meet some of his family next week, mind you this was the first date. Did a hardcore swerve on that dude after that.

  11. Talk bad about every single one of their ex girlfriends.
    Yeah they make for good stories but after awhile you realize that they’re mean, bitter and will complain about you the same way

  12. I had a guy steal my bikini bottoms and then deny it. I certainly wasn’t interested in him after that.

  13. Making hypocritical or nonsensical arguments in order to submit and maintain power over or manipulate people.

    Example: A man who has no formal authority, but supervises everyone else while people comply. Person A comes up with a different or supplementary idea and pitches it. Man immediately throws it down and criticizes him for trying to make up rules or tell people what to do. If Person A tries to say that man has been doing the same thing, he either completely talks around it, completely refutes it, or asserts his dominance by saying something that has the effect of “But I’m right and you’re wrong, which makes it okay for me to boss people around, so shut the hell up”

  14. This is more subtle, but the guys who feel the need to turn everything into a debate, especially in group settings.

    Every once in a while this is born from a genuine desire to hear differing opinions and better oneself, but the vast majority of the time it indicates someone who is just an egotistical, argumentative jerk and wants to seem edgy. I’ve also noticed a high correlation between the guys who flaunt this type of behavior and those who are controlling in relationships, though I’m not really 100% sure why that’s the case.

  15. Holy shit, I’m crazy.