If you were playing hide and go seek, why would where you are; be the greatest hiding spot?

  1. I’m just here so I won’t get fined.

  2. I’m just here so I won’t get fined.

  3. I’m just here so I won’t get fined.

  4. I feel bad for OP when he/she sees their mailbox full of the same thing over and over.

    That being said I’m just here so I won’t get fined.

  5. I’m thoroughly pissed off at this thread. I actually was curious about your hiding places. I wanna punch all of you.
    Fuck you guys

  6. I’m Just here so I won’t get fined.

  7. I’m just here so I won’t get fined.

  8. Thank you for taking the time to scroll to the bottom to see if anyone posted anything different. The answer is yes.

  9. I don’t understand what’s happening here

  10. I’m just here so I won’t get fined.

  11. I’m just here so I won’t get fined.

  12. /r/titlegore

  13. I am currently in the bathroom. Only the most determined of seekers will dare come in while I am mid-shitting.

    Edit: I’m just here so I won’t get fined.

  14. That is one dreadful hiding spot for a semicolon. So conspicuous and so obviously wrong.

  15. http://youtu.be/G1kvwXsZtU8

    For those of you that don’t get the reference

Reddit, what are you afraid of? Other redditors, why shouldn’t they be afraid of it?

  1. Scared to death of heights. Even if I’m in a building looking out, my palms sweat and I get anxiety like I might fall.

    EDIT: Good to know I’m not alone. May have to use the immersion technique even though it scares the crap out of me.

  2. When the day comes, when my parents aren’t around anymore.

    I don’t know if I can handle burying them.

  3. Alzheimers. I´m pretty sure nothing can take that fear away.

  4. Being alone

  5. The ocean… It’s just so deep and mysterious

  6. Hotel towels. Whose butt has been on this?

  7. Getting wrongfully imprisoned.

  8. Cancer.

  9. Checking my voicemail.

  10. I fear that people around me just pretend they like me.

  11. Getting murdered.

  12. Rejection.

  13. I’m afraid of big flying bugs, there, I said it

  14. Being stabbed, slowly, and not being able to stop it. The scene from Saving Private Ryan with the Nazi slowly stabbing the American terrified me.

  15. Being cheated on

    It’s happened a couple of times and I find it very hard to trust a girl enough to be in a relationship with her

    Edit: Thanks for all the words of comfort. I feel a lot better now

If The Lord of the Rings had a Scooby Doo ending, who would Sauron really be?

  1. Bilbo. He regretted giving Frodo his ring and has spent all three parts trying to get it back without anyone finding out it was him.

    “And I would’ve gotten my precious back to! If it wasn’t for you meddling fellowship!”

  2. That old hobbit with a pipe that yells “ProudFEET!” during Bilbo’s speech.

  3. Merry and Pippin sitting on each others shoulders

  4. Lobelia Sackville-Baggins!

  5. The Harlem Globetrotters

  6. The mask comes off and it’s Legolas. Then they look at Legolas and grab his face revealing it’s Sauron. Then they chase each other through an elaborate hall of doors, with different chase compositions appearing each time.

  7. Farmer Maggot–he’d finally had enough of the younger hobbits stealing his mushrooms. His dogs became the Nazgul.

  8. Elrond. I mean, he says just the right things to manipulate the fellowship into walking the most dangerous possible path, right into the very heart of Mordor. And then he promptly vanishes the entire rest of the series, except to tell Aragorn that he needs to go mess with an army of dead men that literally every other character warned him against.

    And, in true scooby-doo nature, it all backfired when Aragon actually managed to convince them to fight for him. After that, you never see him at all, because he is preparing for war.

    EDIT: Also, as /u/DanTheTerrible said below, Elrond had Vilya, one of the three elf rings, which were each only second in power to the one ring. The other two were held by his two closest friends, Gandalf and Galadriel. Convenient? Highly.

  9. Boromir

  10. J.R.R. Tolkien

  11. A potato…leading to the next instalment in the series where Sam and Frodo have a domestic dispute about whether to boil it, mash it or stick it in a stew.

  12. Bill the pony. We never really DID see where he went after the mines

  13. It’d be Radagast or maybe Tom Bombadil

  14. Gandalf.

  15. Old Man Saruman.

Which two words should never be googled together?

  1. “Google Search”

    I’m looking at you, Grandma

  2. “Child”, and I’m going to put a couple of sentences between this. Lovely weather we are having, I just got snow where I live. But it is warm out which makes it pleasant to go for a walk. And “porn”

  3. Urethral fisting

  4. Your ex’s first and last name.

    …I may have made this mistake recently.

    EDIT: based on the rest of this thread, it seems that everyone is taking suggestions on what NOT to google, and googling it.

    EDIT 2: My highest voted comment ever is bumming everyone out! That seems about right. Come on guys, we’re all doing fine without ’em. It sucks when things don’t work out, but we’re doing okay! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and STOP GOOGLING THEIR NAMES!

  5. krokodil sideeffects

  6. “Gorilla vagina.”

    I was just curious about how similar they are to human vaginas. It wasn’t sexual, I just really wanted to know if they looked the same.

    I found out, eh, not really. But that search has probably rendered me unelectable for the rest of time.

    edit: Oh my god this is one of my top comments. This of all things

  7. ISIS Gangbang

  8. Tub Girl

  9. /r/eyebleach. You’re gonna need it.

  10. lemon


  11. Pain olympics

  12. Harlequin Baby

  13. Blue waffles

  14. Knotted penis. Ow.

  15. When a friend of mine and I were doing some chemistry study, we came across the word butanal. Us being hopeless students we had no idea what that chemical group was. So he went ahead and searched up anal group.

    Don’t search up anal group.

What are your tricks to getting up in the morning?

  1. Realizing getting up is the worst part and everything after that is easy

  2. My alarm clock was actually designed for deaf people, so it’s extremely loud and it has an attachment you put under the mattress that vibrates the bed. So often times when it goes off in the morning, it startles me and my heart is beating so fast that it’s impossible to go back to sleep.

  3. Drink a cup of cold water.

  4. I have coffee ready the night before, and I set out my clothes the night before.

    I have multiple “backup” alarms, in the rare event that I accidentally hit snooze on the first one. these each have different alarms. they panic me if I snoozed through the first and prompt me to jump up. alternatively, if I got up in time, they serve as reminders.

    first alarm is 5:30. I take time to veg out, daydream, and cuddle my wife and kid. this way I enjoy a little bit of “me time”, so I don’t make excuses later. first “real” alarm goes off at 6am. I should be out of the shower and dressed by 6:30. I should have the dog walked, sandwich made, and ready to head out the door by 6:45. This gets me to work usually by 7, but in the rare event I keep sleeping in gets me to work by our team’s 7:55 morning huddle.

    I drink a cold glass of juice before drinking coffee. it jars me awake, cleans out the gunk in my mouth before I have to brush my teeth, and I suppose its healthy.

    I have all my personal items in a common area. wallet, keys, badge, leatherman, cash. I keep it next to my briefcase.

    I skim yesterday’s notes before I drive to work, so I can be thinking about what I promised to do the day before, and what was discussed, so I don’t forget stuff between then and now.

  5. I put my phone on the other side of my room. That way when the alarm goes off I need to get up to turn it off. At that point I might as well get ready for work…

  6. I have kids who come in to my room and hit me in the face and make a lot of noise until I get up.

    They’re not my kids, I just pay them to come and wake me up every morning.

  7. I got a really good trick.

    I stash caffeine pills and water next to my bed. I wake up 30 minutes before I am supposed to wake up and take the pill than go back to sleep. After 30 minutes, I am pretty hopped up on caffeine since I am taking it on an empty stomach and want to get out of bed.

    The thread is too long and not many people will see this but I commented anyway because this method works so damn well for me

  8. Get up and walk to the shower with my eyes closed. Keep the lights off, temperature cranked up. Dry off in the dark. Get dressed in the dark. Go downstairs and drink a cup of water. In the dark. Finish eating breakfast and drive to school. Usually by the time I get there the sun is in the perfect spot, where no matter how much I squint I still get blinded. Proceed to look forward to going home at the end of the day, where I can be somewhere nice and dark again

  9. I’ve got a good trick.

    I can’t actually wake up early. I’ll always sleep in, no matter what the consequences. Last semester, especially around finals, I started to go to sleep deep into the early morning, and never wake up before noon. At the very end of the semester I pulled a few all-nighters, and ate breakfast and turned in my final papers before going to sleep at around 11:00 A.M.

    Since I didn’t have much to do between semesters, I repeated the pattern, and even took it further, since that’s what I was used to by this point. I’d wake up usually when it was already dark outside, and say goodnight to my family as they ate breakfast.

    I continued sleeping in later and later, first to four P.M., then five, until I was waking up at midnight. My schedule got so out of control that I began waking up sometimes at two or three in the morning.

    Most people would have recognized the problem by this point, but instead, I continued my descent into nocturnality. I slept in so late one day that I woke up a bit before the sunrise, at five or six in the morning.

    Ever since then, people have been wondering how I wake up early. But the truth is that I’m actually sleeping in, by about 24 hours.

  10. I tell myself that that little itch on my foot is a spider, and even though i know that isn’t true, i get all paranoid until i leap out of my bed, but then i think, ‘one might be in my hair!’ So then i go an take a shower, and by that point i’m wide awake and terrified, and ready to leave the house.

  11. The second you open your eyes, before you can fully register how tired you are, do the Tiger Woods fist pump and scream “AW FUCK YEAH!!!”

  12. Thinking about what I’m going to eat usually motivates me.

  13. I don’t have any. It is nearly impossible for me to get out of bed. I mean I eventually do, but it is a battle. Doesn’t matter how much sleep I do/don’t get. I am looking forward to getting a lot of ideas from this thread.

  14. I have one of those alarm clocks that run away when it starts buzzing.

  15. I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon. Sue me. And since I don’t have a butler, I have to do it myself. So most nights before I go to bed I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious. It’s good for me. It’s the perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill and it clamped down on my foot. That’s it. I don’t see what’s so hard to believe about that.

If YouTube had existed since the dawn of time, what would be the most viewed video?

  1. Making fire: a three step how to guide

    in the description: If this video gets five hundred likes within a day of posting I’ll make a new video about how to make a stick pointy!

  2. OMG Julius Caesar assassination ON CAMERA – LEGIT FOOTAGE!

  3. Helen of Troy nip-slip.

  4. Live performances by artists like Liszt, Mozart, or Bach would definitely have a few million views.

  5. Mein Kampf 1 – The first video in Hitler’s vlog series.

  6. GoPro headcam POV video of a gladiator fighting at the Colosseum.

  7. Newborn T-Rex Sneezes!

  8. A dashcam video from some Russian guy’s Flintstones era car of the comet that caused the K-Pg extinction event (The event fomerly known as K-T).

    No reaction at all from this prehistoric Russian. None.

  9. Eve ruining mankind. Skip to 7:56:13.

  10. Gangnam Style

  11. Cleopatra breaks the internet!

    Generation upon generation of faps

  12. Jesus Christ is holding a cup of water, and you won’t even BELIEVE what happens next…

  13. Angry Jew table flip freak out.

  14. The discovery of fire.

  15. anything with Jesus, or any other religious figure. having proof to validate any religious beliefs would be huge. of course, that would negate the concept of faith, but that’s another discussion.

A wizard appears and offers you mastery in a skill of your choice. You will be given 10 years worth of practice and experience for that skill in an instant. Which skill would you choose?

  1. Persuasive Speech.

    Thanks for the gold whoever you are. May the wizard grant you your hearts desire

  2. Kung fu fighting. With ten years experience my kicks would be fast as lightning.

  3. Walking. That fucker would have no choice but to give me back the use of my legs.

  4. Cooking. Being able to cook the best meals imaginable with minimal ingredients.

    Edit: Oh Magnificent One, thank you for bestowing upon me your gift of gold.

  5. The skill of focusing on a task for a long period of time without procrastinating.

  6. Looks like someone asked the wizard for gilding mastery.

  7. Communication skills. You’d be amazed how far you could probably get in life if you had perfect communication skills.

  8. Apparently OP met this wizard, and chose comment responding.

  9. More muscle control, the ability and balance to do things like handstand pushups, hold my entire body off the ground with my hands only center at my stomach and the muscle control to move around while doing so.

    Maybe tricking and parkour stuff to.

  10. Being able to speak any language fluently.

    The world would be my oyster.

    That could realistically be possible in 10 years of intense study, thus I believe this wizard could give me that ability.

    EDIT: Thanks for the gold, seemingly very generous stranger. I hope this isn’t a glitch!

  11. Inner peace, in the sense of an unshakable calm and awareness of the moment.

  12. Keeping a classroom full of teenagers happy and interested without administration breathing down my neck.

  13. holding in an orgasm

    EDIT: Thanks for gold, sir!

  14. Cunnilingus.

  15. The skill of avoiding being gilded for a comment not contributing to the conversation.

    EDIT: Didn’t even make it 2 minutes

    EDIT 2: Whoever is doing all the gilding, I’ll leave my paypal for you if you haven’t satisfied burning your bank account yet