If all U.S. Presidents, at the age they were elected, were told to fight each other to the death, who would win?

  1. It’s definitely a tie between Andrew Jackson and Teddy Roosevelt. Teddy was tough as a bull moose, but Jackson was a crazy sonofabitch who was a duelist and guerrilla fighter against the Native Americans. Teddy seemed like the kinda dude who would have too much honor to take an advantage against Jackson, so I think it would at some point come down to Jackson stabbing Teddy in the dick

  2. As a Brit with little knowledge of US history, I think that President from the film where he slaughtered vampires with an axe. Definitely that guy.

    That was a documentary right?

  3. Decided to make a bracket of all 43, seen here:

    EDIT: BRITISH MONARCHS HERE (though no rationale- on demand)



    Round 1

    Franklin Pierce over Martin Van Buren

    Pierce was a nice 49 upon inauguration with service in the Mexican American War. Van Buren was a career politician. Easy win.

    Herbert Hoover over Franklin Delano Roosevelt

    FDR had polio. Insta-lose.

    Grover Cleveland over James K. Polk

    Cleveland abstained from Civil War duty and misses out on a surefire justification for a win, but his 5’11 260′ frame going up against the 5’8 Polk produces a visible mismatch.

    Rutherford B. Hayes over Millard Fillmore

    Hayes saw combat during the Civil War so I’m giving him the edge over the similarly sized Fillmore. No, militia service doesn’t compensate for it.

    Thomas Jefferson over John Tyler

    Almost nothing to go on here. Both were career politicians and what one lacks in weight he makes up in height, vice versa for the other. I’ll give my vote to Jefferson, he was a fan of martial arts in his youth and might know a few tricks to trounce Tyler.

    Jimmy Carter over Chester Arthur

    Navy Lieutenant over career lawyer? I’d take that every day.

    Benjamin Harrison over Calvin Coolidge

    Harrison has a better build and saw combat in the Civil War. Trounces Coolidge in an easy bout.

    James Buchanan over James Madison

    An upset, albeit with these two nothing is too exciting. It is little known that Buchanan participated in the War of 1812 and fought during the Battle of Baltimore. Madison is also tiny in comparison to Buchanan.

    Woodrow Wilson over John Adams

    I don’t know why I’m handing this to the pacifist at heart, but Adams’ size and experience means he gets walloped in almost any matchup.

    Bill Clinton over Ronald Reagan

    Although Saint Ronnie has all the past experience as a WWII enlistee (though he saw no combat), age has caught up to him. The 47 year old Clinton wins….barely.

    William H. Taft over Andrew Johnson


    Round 2

    Theodore Roosevelt over Franklin Pierce

    The victorious Pierce runs into the #1 seed overall, a Spanish-American War vet and general badass. It’s not even close.

    William McKinley over Ulysses S. Grant

    Another upset, folks. McKinley had extensive service in the Civil War and fought much more than Grant ever did at the front lines. Grant smash can’t overcome his throat cancer and fat bubble.

    Herbert Hoover over John Quincy Adams

    (Note: I don’t know why I didn’t give this seed to B. Harrison. Deserves it much more). Another snoozer where the younger fighter wins. Hoover somehow sneaks into Round 3.

    Grover Cleveland over James Garfield

    Close again, but Garfield’s endurance is put into question after his assassination. Cleveland limps into Round 3.

    Rutherford B. Hayes over James Monroe

    Hayes clobbers another career politician. Nothing to see here.

    Gerald Ford over Dwight Eisenhower

    Although we think of Ike as an army guy one must note that officers aren’t as fit and combat ready as enlisted guys. Ford, an All-American center and linebacker for the University of Michigan clobbers Ike in this one.

    George W. Bush over Thomas Jefferson

    Height can’t save TJ here. Bush ekes out a win on age. And hey, maybe they did do jumping jacks in the Texas National Guard. Oh, and there’s this, courtesy of /u/BZH_JJM.

    Zachary Taylor over Harry Truman

    Taylor led from the front and was a decorated war hero. While Truman also saw time his crappy eyesight gives in here.

    Andrew Jackson over Jimmy Carter

    Jackson’s a notch better than Taylor, having once stopped his own assassination attempt, so Carter here is just a cupcake along the way to stardom.

    John F. Kennedy over George H. W. Bush

    Two giants face off early in the 2nd round, and JFK notches his first win. Both were badasses during WWII, but the balls JFK showed on PT109 outshine anything Bush did in his Avenger.

    George Washington over Benjamin Harrison

    GW is another politician who’s seen substantial time on the fronts, and was hardened during his disastrous trek up to the Monongahela. While Harrison also has combat time it was for noticeably less time than Washington. Age is roughly the same, while Washington also towers over Harrison by 8 inches.

    James Buchanan over William H. Harrison

    Old Tippecanoe was stricken by pneumonia the day after inauguration. Not so solid now, eh?

    Woodrow Wilson over Warren G. Harding

    A kind of laid back guy, I doubt Harding would have any way of getting through a fight alive. Wilson’s momentum carries him through.

    Barack Obama over Richard Nixon

    Nixon served in WWII but saw no combat. Obama hasn’t served at all but at election he had a noticeably ripped body. Obama wins here.

    Bill Clinton over Lyndon Johnson

    Johnson may have a Silver Star from WWII days but the manner he got it in was quite lame (plane carrying him came under fire). Clinton wins on age here.

    Abraham Lincoln over William H. Taft

    Taft smash gets derailed here as Lincoln’s height gives him the advantage. Oh, and he came under fire from Confederate bullets during his presidency in 1864. He’s got the skills.

    Round 3

    Theodore Roosevelt over William McKinley

    It’s close, but Ole’ Teddy seems a bit more rounded-out than his Presidential predecessor.

    Grover Cleveland over Herbert Hoover

    Another snoozer, Cleveland wins on measurables.

    Gerald Ford over Rutherford B. Hayes

    You don’t brawl with a football player. Ever.

    Zachary Taylor over George W. Bush

    One of these two saw extensive combat time as both an enlisted soldier and an officer. The other failed Air National Guard physicals.

    Andrew Jackson over John F. Kennedy (originally John F. Kennedy over Andrew Jackson)

    ~~It’s close, but at his age Jackson was already bullet-ridden from duels and wars. JFK is fresh and ready to fight.~~ Comments other people have made about Kennedy’s earl childhood (which I do know about, just didn’t fully remember) have me putting Jackson over JFK in this redo.

    George Washington over James Buchanan

    The soldier wins again in this bout.

    Barack Obama over Woodrow Wilson

    One of his idols. How touching. Obama’s got the youth and the power to knock Wilson out of the running and advance to Round 4.

    Abraham Lincoln over Bill Clinton

    Practically a 6’3 guy with the weight to back it up. You don’t mess with Abe.

    Round 4

    Theodore Roosevelt over Grover Cleveland

    How is this all Group 1 has to offer? TR easily trounces this matchup.

    Zachary Taylor over Gerald Ford

    Ford has had his glory days but his bum knee has to give in soon. It does here and Taylor wins and advances to the semis.

    Andrew Jackson (originally JFK) over George Washington

    ~~57 at inauguration, I don’t think Washington can handle the young Kennedy. His competition hasn’t been much up to this point.~~ Both are up in years at inauguration, but Jackson was in the thick of a lot more conflicts that George Washington. He gets the win here.

    Abraham Lincoln over Barack Obama

    I don’t think Obama would consent to fighting Lincoln, of all people, but I’ll play along and hypothesize. Most likely Lincoln outstacks him just like the ones before Obama, but this one’s closer.

    Round 5: SEMI FINALS

    Theodore Roosevelt over Zachary Taylor

    Age plays a big part here. 43 when he took office, TR was still young enough to beat Taylor. If they both were the same age I might give this to Taylor.

    Abraham Lincoln over Andrew Jackson (originally John F. Kennedy over Abraham Lincoln)

    ~~Kennedy finally comes close to matching up inch for inch and pound for pound, so I’d say his service gives him the W here.~~ This is a close match against two contestants, each more than justified to get to the title match. I have to hand it to Lincoln, though, as his wrestling history (never knew about that!) brings more to the table than even Jackson’s brawling history.

    Round 6: Final Round

    Theodore Roosevelt over Abraham Lincoln (originally Theodore Roosevelt over John F. Kennedy)

    ~~Roosevelt comes out on top in the numbers category and while JFK has his “pull a guy with your teeth” story TR has shown that even when shot in the neck he can finish reading long speeches. It’s a close one, but I go TR.~~ Lincoln was a wrestler, and a successful one at that, but a bit lanky for his height. Roosevelt is an all-around guy, taking safaris, building canals, and has a bit of an age advantage. I’m going to have to say Roosevelt here.

    (Oh, and Jackson over Taylor in the 3rd place game)

    EDIT: Points have been raised that I have Kennedy way too far due to health concerns. Redone is as follows: Jackson over Kennedy (it was close to start with), Jackson over Washington (Jackson’s in better shape and saw a lot more fighting than Washington did), Lincoln over Jackson (wrestling went unnoticed by me), TR over Lincoln

    EDIT 2: See top.

    EDIT 3: GOLD! Yay! Thank you anon redditor!

    EDIT 4: Gold #2! Double yay! VP’s coming soon.

    EDIT 5: VP’s ARE UP! A very obvious winner knocks out half of the whole tree.

  4. Teddy Roosevelt

  5. Abraham Lincoln, I was quite sure he was in the wrestling hall of fame

  6. I’d put my money on the sumo abilities of Taft

  7. For me it is a tie between Teddy Roosevelt a tough man that swam in near frozen water naked, and Abraham Lincoln, he was known for being a great wrestler.

  8. Theodore Roosevelt. After being shot he gave the speech he came to give. That is bad ass.

  9. Obama would be the first to die, just think of all the racist presidents we’ve had.

  10. George Washington

  11. Andrew Jackson would be titty fucking FDR while wearing the face of Nixon. He was crazy.

  12. “Silent” (“but violent”) Calvin Coolidge

  13. Terry Crews in Idiocracy

  14. I would say Andrew Jackson in a heartbeat. He was known for being a savage and would have no problem beating the likes of FDR to a pulp.

  15. I got my money on Benjamin Harrison. Who? Exactly. A true underdog in this jamboree of presidential fisticuffs. I feel like the more famous presidents would duke it out and he’d just lay low and wait for the perfect chance to strike.

What do you do that’s a big “fuck you” to society?

  1. Whenever I come to a roundabout, I drive around it for several revolutions. Cops seem to hate it. (I’ve been pulled over twice, then let go because I wasn’t actually violating any codes)

  2. Whenever I encounter a door that requires a mechanical punch code to get in, I enter the code, open the door and hit just one number before the door closes.

    The ones at work don’t reset when the door opens or closes, so the next person to enter the code enters their code on top of the number I hit. Drives people slowly insane.

  3. I enter ask reddit threads and don’t answer them sometimes. Consider yourself lucky

  4. I take shits on the clock.

    Big, time consuming shits.

  5. i drive a navy blue pt cruiser with wood panels.

  6. Every time I push up my glasses I use my middle finger. Sometimes people notice and they convince themselves it was nothing. IT WAS SOMETHING.

  7. You know those assholes who make their cars super flashy and noisy? The folks that think spoiler=sports car? Yeah, when they drive by, I ignore them. I don’t even breathe in their general direction. Because that’s all they want; they want you and me to look at them. Fuck you and your noisy car waking me up at 2:30am.

  8. I take every piece of junk mail, write U WOT M8!? on the return document, and mail it back to the sender with a small wooden shim in the envelope so it weighs more and they have to pay for the postage.

    Unless it is cold, then I burn it with the wood and some larger pieces of wood in my stove.

  9. I throw bread at people feeding birds with bread.

  10. When I open a door, I look behind me to see if I need to hold it for anyone. Sometimes there’s someone who’s a little too far away, but I hold the door for them anyway to make them walk faster or even do a little jog.

    Suckers, making them exercise and shit.

    EDIT: One time when I did this, I unexpectedly received a phone call right before he got to the door, and I “accidentally” ended up closing the door in his face as I answered the phone. Oops, hehe.

  11. When making my tea, I put the milk in first.

    Fuck you society.

  12. I don’t eject my usb safely. That’s pretty badass right???

  13. I hitchhike around the US, and work small jobs to pay my way to other places and backpack everywhere. It has become my life, and it’s definitely far from societies normal go to school, get a job, get married, and die thing.

  14. No shirt Sunday, I religiously don’t wear shirts on Sunday’s. By religiously I mean it is the closest thing I have to religion. Not a big fuck you, but it’s something.

  15. Drive the speed limit. That seems to piss a good number of folks off.

You are handing over your body to a new owner. What do you point out?

  1. Genitals are in mint condition; never been used.

  2. No refunds.

  3. The fuel gauge is stuck on full. Remember to eat.

  4. Don’t overeat because this male body tends to deposit excess weight in the tits and ass first.

  5. Careful with the heart, it needs some warming up before you push it. The right knee is refurbished. There’s a patch over the hernia, it should last as long as the rest of the body does. There’s some wear and tear at the top, nothing you can do to fix that, but you can cover it with a hat or something.

  6. The eye farts are normal. Ignore them

  7. It gets bigger.

    Ninja edit. Well at least it’s good for karma.

  8. I have a giant birth mark below my right eye. So get ready for questions like are you an NFL player? Is that a tattoo? Did you paint your face? Wow that’s the blackest eye I have ever seen.

  9. Nothing. It took me over 30 years to figure out all the quirks of this body. The next owner can put the same amount of work into it.

  10. Just… Don’t tempt a fart. You can never go back to Vermont.

  11. Be careful with the penis, it has already suffered second degree burns and rashes. Treat with better care than the previous owner, or you might not get the warranty out of it.

  12. The penis is out of control and needs to be beaten daily.

  13. DO NOT EAT CHEESE, you will regret it. It will be messy.

  14. Careful, there’s a baby in there. So yeah, good luck with that.

  15. I’m sorry.

What is shockingly LEGAL?

  1. Sirens, screeching tires, and car crashes in radio ads.

  2. Not using child support money on your kid.

  3. It’s legal for congressmen to commit insider trading. Even after 60 Minutes called them out on it and people were outraged years ago.

  4. In 32 states it is legal to have sex with a sixteen year old, but illegal to have naked pictures of the sixteen year old that you had sex with.

  5. Religious exemptions for denying children medical care in favor of “faith healing.” There are exemptions in almost every state up to/including felony-level neglect, abuse, and in Arkansas, capital murder.


  6. You can buy a tank for $50k and make it street legal in america. http://www.mortarinvestments.eu/products/tanks-2/t-72-42#currency=USD

  7. Civil Forfeiture. The police can jack you with little cause and it’s totally legal.

  8. Out-bidding someone on The Price is Right by $1.

  9. Stealing from your kids, I’m 17, and bought a TV. My dad stole it and is planning on selling it. Nothing I can do
    EDIT: seeming as I got a few questions, I thought I’d try to answer some..
    My dad is religious, he is reasonably selling it because he doesn’t want the devil in my room. Or temptation, or what have you..
    He thinks I will be watching Porn or whatever.
    Now I don’t have anything to play my Xbox One on.. Which I also bought.

  10. For profit prisons

  11. Puppy Mills 🙁

  12. how airlines can deliberately overbook a flight. basically like selling things they don’t even have.

  13. Paid for sex? Illegal. Put it on camera? Legal.

  14. According to the FBI’s definition of rape, a woman cannot rape a man by forcing his penis into her vagina. She must forcibly penetrate his anus with her fingers, tongue, or an object.

  15. Child beauty pageants

[Stories]What is the worst thing any redditor did to another redditor, over something said on Reddit?

  1. I guess I should share my story, it seems to fit here.

    About a year and a half ago, I shared a story about when my family went to Olive Garden after my parent’s house had burned down in a fire. The manager came and asked us how our meal was and my then 3 year old daughter blurted out about the house fire. When the check came, the manager had zeroed out everything and told us to have a nice evening.

    Well, reddit went crazy. I was pretty new to reddit and posted a picture of the receipt while writing a law review paper, and then fell asleep. I had completely forgotten about posting the picture, and when I logged in the next day at school I was shocked to see that I had hundreds of messages and replies. Apparently someone claiming to be a marketing expert went into detail about how my post was a marketing scam orchestrated by Olive Garden, just check out one of the web stories. My receipt had hit the front page and the person calling me a liar hit the front page on his own AMA. The higher-ups of reddit and Olive Garden commented on the story. Other people doxxed me through my twitter and facebook accounts. I received creepy messages and death threats; someone actually sent me a message saying that they hoped I would get cancer and die.

    In the end, it all worked out ok though. No one killed me, I still don’t have cancer (I hope), and the receipt got nearly 2 million views (partly because of the controversy). I called to apologize to the Olive Garden branch, and they told me it was the greatest thing that ever happened to them and that corporate had personally called to congratulate them on doing the right thing. I got my 15 minutes of fame, it was an extremely exciting day, but hot damn can some redditors be extremely judgmental and terrible people.

  2. I believe this was in /r/WTF, and it was probably last January. Anyway a girl posted a picture of the wall beneath her boyfriend’s desk, and it was covered in cum stains. Said girl then posts a picture of herself masturbating behind her boyfriend’s back.

    Cue redditors crying why this dirt bag has a girlfriend he ignores while such gentlemen are lonely. Unfortunately, the second picture was from the girl’s alt reddit account, so using reverse image search people hunted that up, identified her boyfriend’s account, and started posting images of them both while making humiliating comments. Their address was posted as well before the entire thread was finally nuked.

  3. My account says I’ve only been a Redditor for a few years, I had a primary account for over 4 years until a coworker found out about it and thought they could get a promotion by reporting some of the stuff I posted to corporate. It turned out they couldn’t care less that I’m an atheist or pretty much anything else, but they determined I was a little too generous with the info I shared in AskReddit, so I ended up closing that account and creating this one. In the end, that coworker who thought they could throw me under the bus to advance their own career ended up getting fired over this whole thing.

  4. I remember a story on reddit about a post that said if it gets 1000 upvotes, OP will show his girlfriend’s tits. It hit the front page. OP never delivered, obviously, so reddit got a tiny weeny bit too mad about it and pretty much went witch hunting on poor OP and his gf. Apparently, someone got his phone number and reddit gave it the old reddit hug, spamming it until they switched phone numbers. I can’t remember the messages, but it was the type that would hit the top of /r/letsnotmeet.

    Some how, reddit found their fucking address and threatened to kill OP and rape his girlfriend. Can’t remember the ending but I think they changed everything, including their house. Like I said though, it’s just a story I heard about reddit, and it’s probably somewhere on /r/thathappened


  5. TL;DR – Banned a user. Tried to doxx me. Threatened to rape my wife.

    Using my secondary account to answer this because, frankly, the incident made me incredibly paranoid. Although, maybe it was a wakeup call.

    I help moderate a subreddit that has 50,000+ subscribers. I also made the mistake of using my go-to screenname when I made my reddit account, a screenname I used a lot of other places. I regret that now, hence this secondary account.

    One day, I banned a user for violating our rules. He was being a giant asshole to other users without cause, so the other moderators and myself made the decision to ban him. He messaged us, asking why. I told him why. He lost his mind and started trying to doxx me. Eventually, he found a picture of me and my wife, made a bunch of disparaging comments about her and then threatened, repeatedly, to find her and rape her.

    That was the last time I ever clarified to a subreddit subscriber why they were banned. I learned my lesson about screennames too; I did my best to sterilize my online presence using that screenname but I still get paranoid, hence this secondary account.

    Edit: To those wondering if I went to the cops, I did not. Without going into too much detail, I lived in a different country than the individual and frankly I did not think the police would do anything. I did contact reddit admins. While I never heard back, I think the guy might have gotten banned but I don’t know one way or another and didn’t try to find out.

  6. This isn’t exactly relevant, but as you haven’t any real responses this will just have to suffice. I thought it was pretty neat considering the parties involved….

    /u/dehrmann did an AMA titled “I am a former reddit employee. AMA.”

    Inside he said he was a former Reddit employee who had been laid off, and when asked why he responded with…

    >What was the reason?

    >Officially: no reason. And I get this; I vaguely know how CA employment law works and that you limit your liability by not stating a reason. It’s also really hard to work through in your mind.

    >The best theory I have is that, two weeks earlier, I raised concerns about donating 10% of ad revenue to charity. Some management likes getting feedback, some doesn’t.

    >The reason I had concerns was that this was revenue, not income. That means you need ~10% margins to break even. This can be hard to do; Yahoo and Twitter don’t. Salesforce does something similar, but it’s more all-around, and in a way that promotes the product without risking the company’s financials.

    His response got him several thousand upvotes, a couple gildings- when the worst happened for him…

    /u/yishan – The Reddit CEO responded refuting his claims with…

    >Ok, there’s been quite a bit of FUD in here, so I think it’s time to clear things up.

    >You were fired for the following reasons:

    >Incompetence and not getting much work done.
    >Inappropriate or irrelevant comments/questions when interviewing candidates
    >Making incorrect comments in public about reddit's systems that you had very little knowledge of, even after having these errors pointed out by your peers and manager.
    >Not taking feedback from your manager or other engineers about any of these when given to you, continuing to do #2 until we removed you from interviewing, and never improving at #1.

    >Criticizing any decision about this program (link provided for people who aren’t familiar with the program and its reasons) had nothing to do with it. Feedback and criticism, even troublemaking, are things that we actively tolerate (encourage, even) – but above all you need to get your work done, and you did not even come close to doing that.

    >Lastly, you seem to be under the impression that the non-disparagement we asked you to sign was some sort of “violation of free speech” attempt to muzzle you. Rather, the situation is thus:

    >When an employee is dismissed from employment at a company, the policy of almost every company (including reddit) is not to comment, either publicly or internally. This is because companies have no desire to ruin someone’s future employment prospects by broadcasting to the world that they were fired. In return, the polite expectation is that the employee will not go shooting their mouth off about the company especially (as in your case) through irresponsibly unfounded speculation. Signing a non-disparagement indicates that you have no intention to do this, so the company can then say “Ok, if anyone comes asking for a reference on this guy, we needn’t say he was fired, just give a mildly positive reference.” Even if you don’t sign the non-disparagement, the company will give you the benefit of the doubt and not disparage you or make any negative statements first. Unfortunately, you have just forfeited this arrangement.

    It was just epic. The ultimate smack down straight from the Reddit CEO himself.

    Here’s a link to from the series of comments I pulled this from in his AMA.

  7. I’m shocked no one has mentioned the time Reddit falsely accused Sunil Tripathi of being the Boston Marathon Bomber. His family was harassed and shoved into the media spotlight. He was completely innocent, as it turned out. Unfortunately this story doesn’t end there. His body turned up in the Providence River a few days later. The exact circumstances of his death remain a mystery.

    This, in my opinion, is the worst thing Reddit was ever responsible for. The masses embarked on a witch hunt and burned an innocent man.

  8. Remember that time everyone was freaking out about the girl that disappeared from the rock show, and I said that I hoped she was off having a decadent time of her life (instead of being raped or dead) and SRS had a fucking heyday, and I was accused of promoting pedophilia, and my inbox was crammed full of messages telling me what a whore, evil, slut I was?

    And it turned out the girl was off having time of her life instead of raped or dead- and Reddit was livid with the girl?

    That sucked. Bad. I’m afraid to even hit ‘post’ right now because…shit…I don’t even want another inbox full of ‘mean’.

    But yeah, damn Reddit, you scary.

    EDIT; Duck I-phone autocorrect.

  9. I don’t know if it’s the meanest thing, but it was a real asshole thing to say. I share that I lost my child six days after birth to a genetic disorder we didn’t know she had. He told me good and he hoped the baby I was currently carrying died too. It was really hurtful. I have two healthy little girls who are my whole world. In the end I feel really bad for people like that. It must be an awful life to be so miserable. When I think about him I hope things got better for him. I talked to him a bit and he seemed really depressed. I have battled with depression and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I really hope things got better for him. My life has had some hardships, but I have a great support system and got help and I have a happy life. I hope the same is true for him.

  10. Not sure it is the worst but in r/debatereligion a user found personal information of some of the other users and threatened violence against them. I think he was trying to manipulate people to support his position in debate, or he was threatening them for disagreeing with him, not totally sure.

    The mods banned the user, but then trusted a random user as a ‘security specialist’ who it appeared made up random information about other users IP’s or operating systems or something, I am not sure, and started using that information to ban additional users. I don’t know the whole thing was a mess.


  11. Youtube personality Amazing Atheist told a rape victim that they deserved to get raped and hope that the assailant enjoyed themselves and deserved a medal himself or something horrible along those lines. That was pretty low. In fact it may be the most horrible thing a person has ever said to anyone.

    Here’s a link to a blog about the story.

    Some other choice quotes from the awful example of humanity

    >I will make you a rape victim if you don’t fuck off.

    >Fuck you. Go get raped in whatever orifice you have to get fucking raped in. I am sick of your shit. I regret nothing.

    And here is where he said the rapist deserved a medal. It’s pretty fucking horrible so if you have a weak disposition to these things please don’t read.

    >Yeah. Well, you deserved it. So, fuck you. I hope it happens again soon. I’m tired of being treated like shit by you mean little cunts and then you using your rape as an excuse. Fuck you. I think we should give the guy who raped you a medal. I hope you fucking drown in rape semen, you ugly, mean-spirited cow. Actually, I don’t believe you were ever raped! What man would be tasteless enough to stick his dick into a human cesspool like you? Nice gif of a turd going into my mouth. Is that kind of like the way that rapists dick went in your pussy? Or did he use your asshole? Or was it both? Maybe you should think about it really hard for the next few hours. Relive it as much as possible. You know? Try to recall: was it my pussy or my ass?

  12. I’m surprised no one has mentioned this. A woman posted that she was raped and beaten. Some users found some small “inconsistencies” in her posts (these inconsistencies amounted to things like her saying the rape occurred at 9pm in one post, and “early evening” in another post), combined with the fact that she posted a rage comic about victim-blaming, and everyone started accusing her of lying. Like, literally everyone was telling her her story was bullshit. She eventually posted a picture of her bruised, beaten face to reddit. However, this wasn’t enough. Someone found out that she had posted zombie makeup to /r/makeupaddiction, and everyone started accusing her of faking the beating by painting it on with makeup. She eventually posted a video of herself washing her face to show that she was not lying about the rape and beating.

    Reddit is fucking disgusting sometimes.

    EDIT: Link

    EDIT: God damn, the rape apologists just came out of the woodwork with this post. If anyone needs to see how shitty reddit truly is towards rape victims, just read the replies to my comment. Literally every single person, without exception, who has replied to my comment at the time of writing is defending accusing rape victims of lying on no basis whatsoever.

  13. On a story about the Blue Angels coming back to Seattle for a few more years, I left a reply about my PTSD and how I become fairly triggered when they practice/fly over. (I can’t work, panic attacks, crashed a car, ect) I also left some stories about some vets I go to a support group with and how it affects them. I stuck to facts, wasn’t blaming anyone, finger pointing, or emotional. I didn’t even say anything about cancelling the event.

    Not only was I downvoted into oblivion, the trolls came to eat. I was told that I didn’t have perspective on life, that I’m weak, that I’m ruining everyone’s good time, I must not be from Seattle, I should GTFO.

    Seattlites support the troops and fight for the mentally ill, until it messes with their ability to enjoy loud, fast planes.

    (And my tax money goes towards it.)

  14. Yep. I got doxxed on my old account by redpillers when I DARED to refute their REEL BIOTRUFS. I also got an influx of dick pics and horrific personal messages from throwaways over the days leading up to getting doxxed telling me that I must be a promiscuous whore (I hadn’t had sex in over a year by choice), to stop “ruining men,” to get a job and get off my ass (news flash- I work 3 jobs and am in a Master’s program), to stop pussy whipping my SO, and to kill myself. Days of this. I finally deleted my account once they figured out what County I work for and what university I attend. God. Those fucks.

How different would society and infrastructure be if instead of pooping every day for short periods, we each went once a year and it took 3-4 days?

  1. It would be considered a holiday. When your Poopday comes, you get paid vacation from work. It wouldn’t be considered embarrassing. After it’s all done, friends and family celebrate!

    Also, there are special bathrooms you can rent for these purposes, which feature a comfortable plush reclining toilet and plenty of entertainment.

  2. You’d probably not need to eat as much. If we retained our poo, it’s likely we’d extract more nutrients from it and it would come out drier and harder than now. People would also balloon up until its their poop day, then drop a ton of weight. I wonder if this would have an impact on the beauty industry?

  3. This would be a wonderful horrible way to mess with a young kid.

    “What? You are weird.. normal people only poop once a year, you do it every day… gross.”

  4. It would probably naturally sync up with societies timeline somehow. There’d be a ‘poo season’ where extra staff is on call or the workload is dropped a little bit. They’d also have conventions/meet ups so everyone could enjoy other peoples company for a few days, like a burning man for your burning butthole.

  5. I’m thinking that planning weddings would be awkward if it was poo day for a key guest, and bathrooms would need entertainment facilities.

  6. Toilet paper would be moved to the feminine hygiene section of shops. People would celebrate their poop day every year. We would give each other presents at “poop showers”. Showers would be renamed to “sky baths” because of the phrase “poop showers”. Most people would go once a year but there would always be that one guy with a medical condition who goes every couple of months and everyone would hate him because you’d have to buy him presents every time. Some pedants would insist we stop calling them “poop days” because they actually last 4 days but we wouldn’t listen because there isn’t really a catchy phrase that works. As with all celebrations there would be some religious involvement, although many more puritanical religions would consider it frivolous to have an entire day devoted to one’s own effluence and would ban it. This would divide religions and start wars. Pharmacies would have sections devoted to pills and other treatments that can make your time of the year go more smoothly. Homeopathy would offer the same but they wouldn’t do anything. New age cults would claim that your poop day is tied to the orbit of the sun and possibly to your astrological calendar. Comedy and horror films would be written around the hilarious/terrifying concept of being inconvenienced on your poop day. Celebrities would appear in magazines poop-pregnant one day and then skinny as a rake the next, and we’d all know they’d had an operation to remove it instead of going through the 4 days like the rest of us. These rumours would dog certain celebrities but probably only if we hated them anyway. Occasionally someone would die from rectal tearing or something similar but we wouldn’t care because that only really happens in the third world these days. Apple factories in China pay their workers a dollar a day and make them work on their poop days. Someone on askreddit wonders what life would be like if we could just poop a little bit everyday instead of having it dominate our lives once a year.

  7. Ultrafurniture will accommodate our changing size over the year.

    Our spines would be mostly expansion joints and we would expand upward as well as outward, with very strong outer wall muscles to shape the mass of poo and keep us from being puddles.

    A variety of drugs would be available to help manage the consistency of what steadily becomes most of your body.

    There would be no cars since our varied size throughout the year would make them impractical. Instead the transportation system uses Transpods, each of which can hold one person a week away from their poop day, or two people six months away, etc.

    There are no bathrooms, only urinals. Transportation is provided to the waste treatment plant and its adjoining Poopday Hotel. Netflix thoughtfully provides free streamed content to all visitors during their 4 day ordeal of streaming their own content.

    Space travel is achieved much earlier than expected.

  8. Ooooh baby my time to shine.

    toilets in houses/offices would only be for weeing, all pooing would be done at sort of toilet hotel/retreat things. Toilets there would have a continuous flush to stop poop backing up too far. In the past there would have been visiting hours for families to see you but now it would be all video links.

    The study of ancient poop would be a major deal you could tell so much about society from where leaders etc. pooped and studying said poop mounds.

    Political leaders would be most vulnerable to assassination during poo days – countless in history would have met their demise of the porcelain throne.

  9. People would be full of shit, so no change at all.

  10. It must be so fascinating to be inside your head…

  11. I smell the beginnings of the next hot dystopian trilogy.

  12. Benefits package- PTO, Sick Days, Poop days. I will take the job.

  13. The poop itself would likely become a cherished item, parents would save all the kids poops and label them by year, like tic marks on a doorway.

  14. Instead of people high fiveing each other because they have the same zodiac sign, they would do it for having the same poop cycle days.

    Bosses would have to keep charts of their employees poop days to deal with staffing and ensure the less than honest of us not use it as an excuse to bail on work for a 3-4 day hookers and blow binge. Talking about pooing would probably be less taboo than it is as well.

    Public toilets would be vastly different if urine is included in this scenario. They would be non-existent in restaurants and bars…who goes out for dinner during poop days? Obviously you would order in.

    Worry farts during diarrhea times would reduce drastically. The diaper industry probably wouldn’t exist, so less land fills too.

  15. And what would the consistency of the poop be like? Would it depend on your diet? Like would vegetarians shit like a thousand little turds, and people who ate Taco Bell all the time would unleash a shit tsunami that could level Indonesian villages?

    I’m sorry, but this question needs to be narrowed down significantly. My mind cannot handle all of these possible shituations.

Why are you on Reddit now instead of celebrating?

  1. At home all alone, there’ll be more than enough celebrating tomorrow.

  2. What do you mean instead of celebrating? This is how I celebrate.

  3. Alone in Japan.

    Its a normal workday here…

  4. I have no friends.

  5. Currently on the can during a family bbq.

  6. Girlfriend bought me a Razer keyboard, so I figured scrolling through Reddit was a great way to test it out. Plus family goes to sleep around 8:30

  7. Because I’m staying up to see Santa

  8. It was just my mom and I tonight, finished dinner and I tucked her into bed. Now I’m just watching movies and redditing.

    Edit: Thank you! Merry Christmas! 🙂

  9. Because everyone else is on their phones so I might as well be too.