Redditors that have been to an orgy, what was it like? [NSFW]

  1. I don’t know exactly how many you would consider an orgy, but my experience with four others was quite interesting.

    It was another guy friend of mine, and 3 women. At first, it’s weird seeing another guy right next to you naked, and receiving sexual acts, but once you all get into it….. Damn. It’s really hot.

    To even have two girls on you at once is intense, so you kind of ignore the fact that there are others around.


    sorta like that. except instead of socks it was semen.

  3. Orgies, are a good reminder that we are mammals. The smell of dozens of people fucking is unmistakable.

  4. I went to my first orgy when I was 19. Really odd how that happened. I got a Facebook message from a friend I hadn’t seen in two years. She asked me “Hey, do you want to go to a party? I’m not going.” I asked her if I knew anyone there. She said no. So I asked her “Why?”

    “It’s a sex party. I thought you might like it.”

    Note I had never so much as kissed another woman or been in a threesome. But I said “Okay, can I talk to the host?”

    So she gives me this guy’s Skype and he confirms the invitation and arranges someone to pick me up.

    Night of the party I get picked up by a bearded guy, a pink-haired girl and an overly friendly girl who keeps asking me questions. I’m kind of nervous but it’s clear these are all super nerdy people and I can’t really be intimidated by them.

    When we arrive, there are about 12 people already there, talking, drinking and stuff. The host introduces me and I get a lot of hugs. He looks exactly like Michael Cera, I swear on my life. But he turns out to be in his mid-thirties.

    Anyway for several hours we talk and drink and make jokes – and then suddenly a Russian guy is making out with me while his wife starts taking off my clothes and an Asian guy is all up in my business. I’m like oh…. Okay. I get half-carried into the other room – I’m still the only person naked – and thus begins my first foursome. Slowly more people filter into the room and things get crazy. One minute I’m sixty-nining with a girl who has already squirted twice that night, the next I’ve got a cock in my mouth and one in each hand, then I’m one-on-one with the host with an audience that is slowly growing. I find out that I really like having an audience. I squish a lot of boobs and my vision is often obscured in a sea of dicks. I don’t know how many people I fucked that night.

    It gets tiring though and I go to the kitchen for a break with a beer. A girl with pink-and-blue cotton candy hair runs up to me and motorboats my boobs. She is on drugs. She manages to greet the pizza delivery guy naked before her boyfriend is asked to take her home.

    I tink it’s like 3am when I’m fucking some guy doggy-style and the host comes up like “How about we try some dp?” Sadly at this point I was tired and sore and had to decline. Finished up and stopped for the night.

    But apparently I made some kind of impression! I came to one more party a few months later and everyone went ‘Holy shit it’s you’ including people I had never met before. And that’s when I learned I am a natural-born slut. The end.

    TL:DR Orgies are awesome and you should go right now

  5. Listen to a podcast called Risk. It’s people telling true stories they never thought they’d dare to share. There are SO many first hand stories of orgies. Gay orgies, kink orgies, furry orgies, you name it. This is in among the other stories. Nomatter what the story, it’s something you will never hear in casual conversation. Bad drug trips, illegal activities, near deaths, witnessing deaths, childhood trauma, getting raped, you name it. It’s intense to listen to. Some are sad, some are funny, and some are downright interesting or just fucked up. There’s like 600 eps out now or something. After asking this reddit, I figured this might be something you’d find interesting.

    EDIT: Lesbian Orgy to listen to:

    It’s the first story. Story begins at 3:00 after all the intro stuff. Remember, story podcast, not live recording of the event.

  6. Not long before my divorce, my ex-wife and I tried swinging. One of those, “maybe this will save it,” ideas.

    We met a couple that we were attracted to, who were really cool people.

    We met up with them a couple times.

    It was pretty awesome. Having two women giving you a blow job at the second time is an experience I highly recommend. Seeing my wife going down on another woman was extremely hot.

    It was definitely an experience that I greatly enjoyed, even if it was a failed attempt to save a failing marriage.

  7. I’ve had a few threesomes. They probably don’t count as an orgy, but whatever.

    They are overrated. That being said, I won’t hesitate to jump on that next time the opportunity comes my way. In my experience (I’m male, only been with women) there’s always one girl I prefer. No matter how attractive the two are, I wind up wanting to focus on just one but feeling bad about leaving the other out. It’s almost distracting.

    Once you get over the initial hype of two sets of breasts, two mouths, two asses, and two vaginas, you quickly realize that (unless you’re that one guy who did an AMA a while back) you don’t have two penises. Sex with more than one partner isn’t twice as good. It’s like 1.2 times as good. A blowjob is amazing! A double blowjob is only slightly more amazing.

    For me, the best part is probably making out and having girls nibbling and licking both sides of my neck, both ears and kissing one to the other and back again.

  8. Awkward and could have ended better.

    I’d been out drinking with a good friend (We’re both Guys) and bumped into another two slight acquaintances (Guy and Girl). They were trying to find another of their friends (Girl) who was on a bit of a tilt and behaving badly. We ended up finding her at an expensive bar where she was getting some older man to be her sugar daddy and buy her drinks.

    We dragged her out of there and all headed back to the flat where the two girls lived. It was a sensational place in an old terrace right under a bridge in the inner city.

    So we all drank more and started playing spin the bottle. I got to kiss both girls, but sadly had to also kiss a guy, but hey I was young and experimental. Someone suggested it would be more fun to play naked, which we all agreed with.

    So things moved on and there were five bodies on the floor with pillows, pretty much all over each other. About 5 mins into it, the second girl grabbed me and took me into another room and proceeded to have her way with me, which was fine by me as she was very attractive.

    Sadly we were cut short by screams of agony coming from the other room. We rushed out, to find the first girl had locked herself in the bathroom and was whimpering in pain. The two guys looked sheepish.

    Here’s what happened. One of them had been going down on this girl and the other guy rolled over and accidentally kneed him in the back of the head. This forced his front teeth onto the girl’s clit. There was a bit of blood.

    We hung around for a while until she came out and had some tea. I offered to take her to emergency, but she said it was fine. Rather destroyed the atmosphere.

    My friend and I drove home swearing to never speak of it again.

  9. I seriously can’t be the only one here wondering how people can do this without worrying about STDs, right?

  10. I wish this had a serious tag because I’m interested in a real answer. Upvote for visibility.

  11. What’s your definition of an orgy? If it’s just more than a threesome, then I guess I’ve been in one. It was 2 women, 2 men. It ended up being more like 2 couples fucking next to each other most of the time. If anyone’s planning an orgy, I recommend an odd number of participants.

    There were definitely exciting moments when I got tied up and blindfolded, and I never knew who or how many people were playing with me, but most of the time, I had more fun in threesomes.

    I did get invited to an actual orgy before and the preparation seemed intense. Someone booked a suite in a 5 star hotel, so the location would be awesome. Everyone had to be pre-screened for a clean bill of health as well as hotness.

    I think I only got invited because I fucked the guy who organized it before, because I saw pics of the participants and damn they’re fucking hot. My friend’s an English teacher but models part-time, so he got a bunch of his model friends to participate. Oh, and since he’s active in the expat community as well, it would be like a United Nations of hotness.

    Unfortunately, even though my bf passed the hotness screening, he still vetoed the idea. I told him I would be totally fine with just playing with women (being in a hetero relationship means I’m slightly bored of penises) while he fucks other women, but it was still a no.

  12. When i saw Frank Reynolds a few years ago in Phili. Full buffet as well. Ultimately a classy get together.

    Masks optional.

  13. I’ve been in a couple of foursomes and a couple fivesome. Due to my girlfriend, majority of them been more female participants than males. The foursome I enjoyed the most was with my girlfriend, my best friend, and his girlfriend. And the fivesome I enjoyed the most is with the girlfriend, her two best friends, and one of their boyfriends. Oh, and one time a party broke out in everyone having sex with their partner in front of everyone. I get off on the pleasures of others, so I enjoyed watching others get theirs. Sometimes the chemistry is there and sometimes it isn’t, which isn’t fun when it is. Some think it would be weird to be side by side with another guy when we’re both hetero, but really in the moment, all you really care about is pleasing the women. Who cares if your dicks touch. Sometimes it’s more fun that, see if she can fit two cocks in her mouth is a fun time.

  14. Obligatory “Wasn’t an orgy, but….”

    I worked doing computer/electronic repair. Did a freebie on the counter because it was relatively quick and easy. Easy for me at least, it was somewhat complex. Either way the woman, as wanting to pay me someway, offered to put me on the guest list for a swingers party at a hotel. She got my name, told me to ask for “So and So” when I got to the door. She said she’d love for me to come, etc etc. I wasn’t going to, co-worker talked me into it. And I thought “Fuck it, how often do i get invited to something like this?”

    I’m not a swinger, or the swinger type. It was surprisingly close to my house, just a 1/2 mile down the road. While my work was a 30 minute drive, so thought “Hey maybe I’ll get some action, and at the very least I can just drink and leave whenever.”

    I end up mentioning it to my room mates girlfriend when I got home from work. She asks where it is, I explain, she starts laughing. Apparently she knows the people that organize it, one of the guys a friend of the family or to that effect. I tell her I’m a bit nervous, she offers to tag along. She can get in no issue, say hi to some people she knows, and give me someone to talk to. I agree and later we go.

    Well at the door she gives her name, I give my name, tell the door guy I was supposed to ask for “So-and-so”. The woman from earlier showed up, shocked to see me, says she has to get the boss. Grabs the boss, and I end up getting let in as well as my room mates SO. I feel a bit uneasy as the invite was an obvious “He won’t take it, I’m just being nice.” The boss mentions she does that shit all the time and he’ll handle her later, but won’t turn me away especially because of who I’m with because he knows her.

    The place isn’t packed, but isn’t dead. Probably 60-70 people. Dance floor set up, DJ, bar, and a couple booths with adult items being sold. A fair mix (obviously) of male and female. Some single on both sides, or least there alone. I’m 25, and besides my room mates SO, I’m the youngest person there by at least 10 years. Average age seems to be about 40-45. Hottest female there was at best a 6. Got some drinks, talked to a few random people. Witnessed a large amount of people my parents age grinding on the dance floor, making out, groping each other. I got hit on by 2 older woman who I feared I’d break their hip into their lungs if I were to take them up on offers. After staying for an appropriate amount of time, as I felt since the boss let me in I should, we headed out.

    3/10 – Wouldn’t do it again.

  15. I’ll answer since there seems to be so few at the moment.

    Just a bit ago I actually hosted an orgy. I have a few posts in my history asking about advice since I was new but here’s the story.

    I’m a trans girl, a few months into HRT and passing pretty well if I do say so myself. I’m homoromantic bisexual (meaning penises and vaginas are both pretty nice, but i fall in love with women) and am dating a girl a little older than me. We are both pretty open to things and are very sexual people, and have wanted to try group sex since we got together.

    Fast forward to a month or two ago, we’ve been dating 8-9 months and a mutual friend has moved in with her due to problems at home. Coincidentally, this is the friend we thought would be most likely to have a threesome with us. Proposals were made and things went down and we were all three sex buddies. (I went down on my girlfriend while we were all in a multi-person sleeping bag, friend was oblivious for a while but eventually went “…i feel like you two are doing things… Wynter_rain?” and got a very muffled “hurro”. She wanted to get involved so we did). That lasted like two weeks, and then we wanted more. So we talked to another friend who had a boyfriend. The two of them were interested so we planned for a weekend where the 5 of us would all do sexy things.

    Finally it comes, after a lot of anticipation, and we all meet up at my house (4 girls and 1 guy) and shit goes down. To be honest it was all a bit awkward and uncomfortable. Only mutual friend #2 was completely fine with everything. It didnt help that #1 was a virgin and unwilling to lose hers (totally fine with us), but #2 lost her virginity that night. It was my first time with a guy around but i didnt end up doing anything with him, even though honestly i REALLY want to give some head.

    That said, we’re looking at doing it again but better, and want to find a place to all chill and talk and get comfortable with eachother beforehand.

    TL;DR: lesbian couple wants threesome, gets it with other girl. Moves up to orgy with 4 girls 1 guy. Is awkward, gonna do it again.

[Serious] What is your job, and what can I do as a consumer to make your job easier?

  1. I’m a caregiver. Don’t look at other caregivers with a mean stare when you see them making their patients use their legs or arms while in their wheel chair! It’s our job to ensure that they’re doing as much as they’re capable of doing!

  2. I am a teacher.

    Please, please, please, for the love of all that is holy, teach your children some respect. (Sure, you may not be a consumer, but your children are.)

    Some of my students are absolute angels, but others are little fucks whose parents should be rounded up and drowned.

  3. Funeral Director.

    Stop speeding. Seriously. I’ve been to a lot of 3mph over accidents. Buckle up your kids. Every single time. Use car seats. A baby in a towel on the floor is not safe. Stop drinking and driving. Make a friend who is Mormon or something.

    Say sorry to your kids. Say sorry to your parents. Hug each other. Don’t cheat on your SO. If you love someone and their family hates you, get married any which way you can if you want to have a say in their funeral.

    Have a nice picture taken every few years at least. Even you self described ugly people. Throw some filters on it. If a 15 year old girl on instagram can make her school lunch look like art then you have hope.

    If you’re going to commit suicide, do it somewhere your kids coming home from school aren’t the ones who will find you.

    Lose weight.

    Stop dying on the second floor of the house, in the bathroom at 2 am. Trudge yourself to the stairs and flop, please.


    Edits for clarity.

    1.) Speeding/3mph Over Accidents – usually we hear that from the officers working the scene after the survivor who was speeding walks away. Or we hear it from the family. Someone below wanted evidence, all I have are anecdotes. Horrible, no good, very bad anecdotes. The Solomon Curve is where most people get the idea of 3 over, but rarely is 3 over actually just 3 over. A section of road near here is slated for 70. People do 90. When they complain about their ticket, they say they were just 3mph over. Not all of them get to complain about a ticket though. But the family says “3 over, all they were doing…”

    Either way, slow down. Drive cautiously, assume every other person behind the wheel wants to kill you. Next time you see someone checking their facebook/text messages while driving they are illustrating that your life is worth less than their idiot friends political rambling or determining what smurf character they are most like.

    2.) Mormon Friend – this was meant as a built in designated driver. My experience has been that they usually they follow their ‘Word of Wisdom’ at a minimum of avoiding alcohol. Usually. Always going to be deviations from the rule.

    3.) Don’t commit suicide. That’s a given (and I’m surprised nobody did the copypasta for suicide prevention – its easy karma folks). But also, don’t be one of these adults that does it so their teenage kid comes home and finds mom or dad in the garage in a running car. It sucks to be sitting across a table from a teenager who is trying to find the right casket for Mom.

    4.) Yes it is difficult to remove a body from upstairs. The bigger they are the worse it is of course. Lots of times Fire/EMT don’t stick around to help (and who can blame them) because they have the living to help. So the police officer who drew the short stick and maybe a CS tech or some other unlucky sob gets to help.

    If you are starting to hear angels and see that white light – book it down the stairs and climb onto your dining room table (actually, if you start feeling warm and see Saddam cuddling with Satan, do it to). Bonus points for wrapping yourself in a sheet. Double bonus for making sure your bowels are empty.

  4. I work in a prison. The easiest way to make my job easier is to not get arrested.

  5. Government employee. Quit electing dickheads.

    (I am being serious)

  6. Manager/owner here. Please don’t upset my employees. They work super hard and don’t deserve your bullshit.

  7. Reliability Engineer. Don’t lie about how you broke it, we give you the warranty anyway.

  8. If you are doing a return, tell me you are doing a return! There have been too many times where customers just set a bunch of stuff on my counter without saying anything about a return.

    Naturally, I start ringing them up, and then they tell me that they’re returning things!

  9. Commercial cleaner here. Please, ladies and gents, don’t piss and shit all over the bathrooms. Also please remember to flush the toilet, it’s a public washroom and nobody wants to see what you left in the toilet.

  10. 911 call-taker. Most importantly – give me your location first. Next, just listen to and answer my questions. Simple concept. The one exception to this rule would be if someone has a gun or knife in their hand – feel free to shout that out whenever you notice this, but then continue to listen to and answer the rest of my questions.

  11. Truck-driver here. Just use your god damn indicators!

  12. I work in technical support.


  13. I’m a support worker. Please don’t stare at me and my disabled client while we are out in public, and certainly don’t give us dirty looks. Just because my client is developmentally disabled, that doesn’t mean that they don’t have a right to enjoy their community just the same as anyone else, as they also pay taxes just like yourself.

    Please don’t judge the care I am providing for my client. Just because she is screaming, doesn’t mean I am being unfair or abusing her. Please don’t judge situations you don’t understand.

  14. Retail. Don’t come into the store.

  15. As a server: Order from the menu!

What was your biggest “holy shit why haven’t I done this sooner” moment?

  1. Every night when I go to bed.

  2. Taking a shower before going to bed and sleeping naked.

  3. I have this thought every time I procrastinate.

  4. Showering without any lights on

  5. I have lost about 60 pounds in the last six months. I really should have done it sooner. Holy shit, what a difference! I feel incredible. I was fool to have waited so long. I still have a ways to go, but the progress I have made is more than enough incentive to keep working at it.

  6. When I realized how easy it is to ask girls on dates. It seems scary, but they are typically flattered and say yes.

  7. Left the country. The world is a big ass interesting place!

  8. Sit down in the shower.

  9. Two words. Heated. Seats. Nothing compares to toasty buns when old man winter has been molesting your ass all day.

  10. Honey on chicken nuggets.

  11. Investing. I think people get so wrapped up in the idea that they’re going to lose money investing, so they just stick it in a savings account. At the very least, just stick some money in an index fund.

  12. Cruise control. I drove 13 hours, a month after I got my license and was too terrified to use it the first 12.5 hours. Best half hour ever.

  13. Working out.

  14. I just quit smoking cigarettes and weed after smoking both since I was 11. I actually have money, it’s such a foreign concept to me.

  15. Roller coaster rides. I used to be pretty scared of the big drops and going upside down because I’m bad with heights, but when you think about it, driving to the theme park in a car is about 100 times more dangerous.

[Serious] Teens of Reddit; what is something you want to ask adults, but don’t necessarily want to ask your parents?

  1. How do I move on?

    To elaborate, I’ve had a crush on a friend of mine for a year or two now. But he doesn’t like me back. It hurts, and I want to move on but I just don’t know how. We share the same interests and we’re close but it’s just not that simple to move on from someone who you’ve had a crush on for over a year. And it just annoys me to no end when my friends who know will simply say, ‘Just get over him’ because it’s not that simple. And yeah.. I just want some help.

  2. When did you realize you were changing from a typical teenager to a person who enjoys working in the garden and keep a house picture perfect even though no one ever comes to visit you?

  3. How the hell do you make friends as an adult? Especially if you’re kind of introverted and don’t like going up to chat with random strangers.

  4. My parents are breaking up, because my father doesn’t love my mother anymore. My mother is taking this very hard (what is understandable after 25 years of marriage), so I really want to help her, but I just don’t know how.

    Divorced people of reddit, what can I do to help my mother?

  5. Why do I hear growing up you were all pot heads but when I ask directly it never happened?

  6. Not sure if I count as a teen, but how have you social/political views changed or stayed the same since your teen years?

  7. Does it get better?

  8. How can I just get OUT? I want to travel and escape, and I feel like I want to run away because life is just painfully dull and boring right now. It’s hard to get out of bed and do things because I just don’t feel like there’s joy in anything, and I’m starting to get scared that it’ll be like this for the rest of my life.

  9. Why am I all alone in high school? I’ve never done anything fun with friends or gone to parties or anything and I think I’m wasting my whole teenage life but my parents don’t care.
    Also, how can I make my parents less strict?

  10. I have tons of questions about pregnancy since I plan on having kids someday, but if I asked my mom about any of it she would just assume I was pregnant…

    EDIT: Some questions/thoughts I have include:

    • How does pregnancy affect your sex life?
    • Should I go natural or get an epidural?
    • Is your vagina ever the same?
    • I’ve heard of vaginal tearing… and it scares me.
    • Doesn’t it feel weird feeling the fetus kick your stomach and everything? I feel like that would be so creepy.
    • How do I avoid stretch marks?
    • I hardly ever have to pee and I know that pregnant women have to pee A LOT because the baby is pushing down on their bladder or something.
    • I work out regularly and I’m afraid that when I’m pregnant I’ll gain too much weight and all that progress I made will be “ruined”.
    • If I have a miscarriage do I.. does my uterus basically force the fetus out vaginally or do I need surgery? That sounds so traumatizing.
    • I’m scared of C-sections.
    • I’m scared that I’ll have a mentally disabled child but I honestly couldn’t bring my self to get an abortion unless the unborn child’s life or my own were in danger.

    I don’t have any older sisters or cool aunts I could really talk to about this and my parents are a bit prudish.


  11. Right now, I’m really aggressive and a jerk to everyone, even my parents. No matter how hard I try, I always end up insulting someone. Does that just go away by itself?

  12. Why am I so sensitive? I rarely ever get angry, but I’m constantly emotional. Is this normal?

  13. Is college really worth all that fucking debt?

  14. How do you wash your dick properly? So it doesn’t smell when you pull back the foreskin and such.

  15. This next summer, both my SO and I will have to decide whether or not we split up to follow our school-related stuff. We don’t exactly know what we really want at all (even in our studies). How do we deal with it, are there any top priorities first ?

Mall Santas of Reddit, what’s the weirdest thing a child has asked for?

  1. I’m Santa at parties and wandering around the neighborhood. The toughest was having a little girl wanted her father home from prison. That was awkward and I had to promise her that although some presents take several years to get, they are the most worth it when it happens. Added the usual assurance that her daddy missed her and loved her. It’s a lot easier when they want Barbies.

  2. An old coworker of mine used to be a Santa. He told me that once he had a little boy who looked about 8-9 ask for a box of condoms since his mom wouldn’t buy them for him.

  3. Worked as a photographer for a mall Santa. It’s not that weird, but my favorite moment was when a kid asked for a live octopus or shark. Santa said he wasn’t sure if his elves would be able to make those. Kid said he’d settle for a giant squid if he had to.

  4. Once as I was working an Indian couple asked me to bless their new born baby. I think they might have taken SAINT Nick seriously. That was weird/awkward. Other than that it was 98 or 99 so I learned just about every pokemon out there.

  5. Not weird, but a kid once asked for his mom back. I quit after that.

  6. My nephew couldn’t pronounce piglet correctly it always came out as pigpiss. So my nephew asked Santa for a pigpiss costume. He didn’t know what my nephew was trying to say and eventually just said I’ll get you pigpiss.

  7. Not a Santa but when my sister was 3 she asked a mall Santa for a mommy for Christmas (we had a mommy so not sure what she was thinking). Can only imagine the amount of unnecessary tears shed that night.

  8. Not a mall santa, but my dad worked as one for several years in the late 70s/early 80s. He worked in a shopping center in a low income area of New Orleans. His best story is a little boy coming up and asking for new shoes for his sister, because hers had holes in the bottom. My dad took him, his sister, and their mother to Sears and bought them both new shoes and coats. It makes for a wonderful Christmas story.

  9. I worked as an elf when I was 15. One kid asked asked for a new liver. Apparently he was healthy, just wanted one “to play with and stuff”.

  10. Isn’t this a violation of the Child-Santa confidentiality privilege?

  11. My buddy worked as a mall santa and quit after one day.

    He enjoyed two kids punching him in the balls, one baby vomiting on his chest, and one kid pissing his pants while sitting in his lap. It soaked through and he felt it, warm and wet on his thigh.

    But he did get to say “fuck this shit, I quit!” while wearing a santa suit. So it wasn’t a total loss.

  12. My SO was Santa for a charity a couple years ago. It’s a cool little charity where the kids tell Santa what they want and Santa’s Elves (the 4-5 other people in the room try to bag up a similar donated toy for the parent to give on Christmas morning). They give out stockings to the kids and other stuff. Super cute stuff and SO has been helping with it since he found out about it. So I asked him what he had to say. This was his answer:

    A father came in with his three children. Two little girls and a baby boy ages around 6, 4, and not even a year old. So I grab two girls stockings and an infant stocking and prepare to say hello to the little ones (Stockings were filled with gifts/items age appropriate for each child). Oldest girl comes up first, gives me a hug for our picture, and says she wants a new Barbie doll. Girl jumps down and starts going through the stocking. Dad gives me the baby and I take a picture with him and give him his stocking. Dad takes him back and helps him go through the stocking while the youngest girl stands staring at me. She takes a deep breath, walks up, and jumps on my lap. I still remember her little face. So solemn and sweet. She looked up at me and in the sweetest voice said, “For Christmas, may I please have my Mommy back?” Dad stopped playing with the baby. Just stared at the ground. Her sister stared dumbfounded at her. I found out later that the man’s wife had died after giving birth to their son. It was their first Christmas without their mother.

    SO’s never been Santa again. He helps with the stockings and toys now.

  13. I knew someone who use to be a Santa. He told me that more than once a child would as for their parents to get back together.

  14. I volunteer as a Santa for school near the Sandy Hook shootings, one of the child asked and I shit you not for another school shooting so that he doesn’t have to go to school the next day. I won’t ever forget that kid.

  15. “A penis book”

    Turns out he couldn’t pronounce “Peanuts” correctly.

Which superhero’s powers would have the best sexual applications? NSFW

  1. People think the Flash would be done quickly, because our perception of his is always that it’s his shtick to get it done quickly. In reality, that’s only a small part of the deal. He has the ability to speed up his reflexes and senses to nanosecond level while maintaining a usually normal sense of time, and also is able to manipulate friction and kinetic energy. He’s also been shown to be able to hold a facade such as talking to a person while actually travelling all around the building and returning to the spot where he was supposed to be standing frequently enough that people don’t notice anything odd. His ability for sleight of hand is epic.

    What does all this mean together? Well, it means that he could move so quickly the he could investigate his partner’s body and reactions instantaneously and would seem to be using his hands, mouth, etc. wherever he wanted on his partner’s body all at the same time, with no ill consequences for moving so fast. Imagine floating in a sea of stroking, caressing hands and mouths all over your body. That’s what banging the Flash would be like.

    And he would be super-knowledgeable about everything as well. As soon as he needed to, he could travel to a library or bookstore, read all the material on sex and pleasure in a few seconds and have it all memorized by the time you have your clothes off. He could please you in ways that you never knew were possible. And he could do it for as long as you like. His stamina is godlike – the number of times that he’s had to run through time for hours, days, millenia, etc. of our time is nearly uncountable.

    EDIT: and yes, he can also vibrate at will, and precisely enough to pass through objects. Imagine having your erogenous nerve clusters stimulated from the inside. The Flash could do it, and it would feel like your whole body is being filled with sex.

    tl;dr If the Flash wanted to pleasure you, he could do it so thoroughly, precisely and knowledgeably that he could probably give you permanent brain damage by multiple orgasm.

  2. The obvious answer is mystique.

    Have sex with anyone ever.

  3. dr manhattan created additional versions of himself so he could have a threesome with silk specter and go do science in the other room at the same time, so there’s that

  4. Elastigirl

  5. Batman’s money works pretty well.

  6. Mr. Fantastic

  7. Multiple Man

  8. Green Lantern. Giant weapons isn’t the only thing that ring can make ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  9. NSFW: Kitty Pryde from X-Men.

  10. The flash…..wait I already have that super power

  11. The Hulk’s penis would kill people

  12. I would want Professor Xavier’s mind powers because he can create any illusion you want and he can erase memories. So it amounts to any kind of sex you want in any place. Any answer in this thread is included in my answer.

  13. Spiderman’s web slinging abilities. The bondage babes would be all over you.

    PS: a quick web shot to the penis could make for a quick condom.

  14. I feel sorry for the woman who has to clean herself after doing it with spiderman.

  15. Well, the flash can vibrate, Mr Fantastic could protrude multiple penises from his body of varying sizes, so I guess either one of them would be good.

Random redditor, who are you?

  1. I’m a serial traveler who built his own boutique Mexican beach resort with his wife to escape the rat race forever.

  2. I’m in my late 20s, bald, and married. We have a 1 year old and a poodle. And you’re the first to know…we’re expecting a baby around August!

  3. I am Michael. I’m 22 and live in England. I work at a pet superstore and live alone except for my two kittens, Arwen and Eowyn, and two bearded dragons, Gizzy and Gizmo. I have a brother who lives in Norway. I’d one day like to move to America.

  4. My name is Maddy, I am 19, and I live in Australia. I ride racehorses for a living. Well not anymore, in less than 24 hours I’m going to board a plane to Canada and stay there for up to 2 years. I’m pretty freaking excited/;nervous

  5. From what I’ve read here, I’m not your typical Redditor… I’m an old gal, married 23 years, two grown kids, one dog, two cats, and a mortgage about to be paid off! I retired for a few years but recently started working again as a nanny because it helps keep me young.

    I browse Reddit all the time because I enjoy the younger generations and your passions for life. You entertain me, educate me, and inspire me!

    EDIT: Thank you, yes, I also browse /r/startrek and /r/voyager, but I forgot to mention those. Half the time I don’t even remember that I’m logged in as Captain-Janeway…

  6. I’m petter solberg a former rallycross and rally professional driver and 2003 champion of the world rally championship. I’m married to a beautiful woman I love and I try to help people whenever I can. They call me “hollywood” because I was brash and risk taking most of my career and flashy. I crashed once and immediately after gave a composed and calm interview this only contributed further to the nick name. I like to skydive, climb mountains, help others and drive cars fast (in a legal way.. until I get caught). I can’t say anymore about this next thing but, I’ve been the stig before.

  7. I’m Rod and I like to party.

  8. I write silly joke songs.

  9. I am 24 year old Native American. I don’t have much to say, but I like playing Minecraft, Halo. My fave drinks are Coffee and Root beer. My favorite hockey team is the Edmonton Oilers. I have short hair. My favorite color is Blue. And I’m Batman.

  10. I would tell you but the last time I revealed too much personal information on Reddit someone tracked my username back to facebook and things got weird after that.

  11. 22 Male, getting my Master’s. Dating the love of my life for 4 years. Turns out she’s having doubts about us. Fun times ahead.

  12. I live in Belgium, am 20 years old, male.
    My studies were more practical like cooking, sewing, ironing, basic house-holding and logistics regarding hospitals.

    After that i studied to be a security officer and now i’m studying applied psychology in college.

    Things i like: alternative rock, playing the piano, hanging around with mates, gaming, roaming reddit, learning interesting stuff (i try to find something every day) and next to that i also help around the house, do some cleaning, do groceries, chores etc.

    My mom went into surgery for uterus cancer a while ago and i tend to help whenever i can.

    Sorry if my English sounds off! 🙂
    Have a nice day,

  13. I’m a 28 year old American woman living in Appalachia. I’m from a big extended family that were very close-knit so I find family to be my highest priority. My brother and I are super close and see/talk to each other every single day. I have a bachelor’s degree in English and live with my husband in a small apartment. I work at a small business managing non-profit associations which allows me to do a lot of travelling…so although I’m from a very rural, poor area, I’ve been able to visit multiple countries. I like to play WoW in my off-time and know how to knit and crochet. 🙂

  14. I’m a 20 year old chemistry junior in SoCal. I have a questionable relationship with my family back home and am trying to learn to be an adult, whatever that is.

    Geeze, I barely remember who I am 🙁

  15. I’m Quincy. I’m 26 and live in a suburb of Houston. I’m a public health advocate/healthcare provider and psychological first aid responder for the US Medical Reserve Corps. I’m a student and my major is Human Services. I have 2 cats, a chihuahua, and a fish. I’m also Schizophrenic.