If we were playing a drinking game while watching your life like The Truman Show, when would we drink?

  1. Every time I enthusiastically say a joke and nobody laughs

  2. Drink every time I do. That way I won’t be drinking alone.

  3. Drink every time I senselessly apologize for something that isn’t my fault.

  4. Every time /u/ffalldayerryday walks past a window and checks himself out, but does it in a way that he doesn’t want anyone inside to think he’s doing it, take a drink.

  5. Drink every time I see a dog and gasp audibly.

  6. Drink every time I type out a comment, then backspace everything out and don’t post anything.

  7. Every time I get rejected from gad school. 🙁

    Edit: I’m not changing it.

  8. Every time I sigh, you would be pass out drunk about 7 minutes into my work day.

  9. Waterfall as long as he talks to himself while driving.

    Take a shot when he tells himself to stop talking to himself.

  10. Whenever I put something in my mouth (other than food). I am a straight male in my twenties, but for some reason I have an oral fixation like you would not believe. In fact I currently have my headphones and pen in my mouth.

    Anyway, point is you would be drunk within an hour. You could add bonus points for whenever I weird someone out in my office or on the street because I am chewing on myself.

  11. Every time i drink. It’s like an alcoholic IMAX experience.

  12. Take a drink every time GrabbinCowlicks second guesses himself.

    You’d get trashed every episode.

    EDIT: Or would you, though? I don’t know. Probably. Yeah, I think it would work. Probably.

  13. Drink every time I get laid. There, I just saved you from alcoholism.

  14. Whenever I roll my eyes. RIP liver.

    *edited because I fail at anatomy.

  15. Whenever there’s a cute girl I want to say hello to… then don’t.

What is a scam that nearly everybody has fallen for?

  1. Those fake winning lottery tickets people give as gifts…those are so mean 🙁 You get to feel the whole weight of the world come off your shoulders..then abruptly come crashing back down.

  2. Paycards. Instead of getting checks or direct deposits etc. A lot of places offer Paycards. They’re just like debit cards, your money from all the hours you put in is loaded on the card, you can use it just like you would a debit card. But a lot of times they forget to mention there are fees charged for every use of the card. For me, every time I swiped the card I was charged an additional $2. It doesn’t seem like much but it adds up quick. In my opinion, that is a scam a lot more people should be aware about.

  3. A woman got me at the gas station the other day! She was sitting next to a parked car ( i had a nagging feeling prob wasnt even hers), in a teary and a not so sincere voice begging customers for money. She claimed her car had a gas leak and she was just trying to make it a few counties home to her kids. She was obviously a Junkie, i recognize the small details having had family who went down that road, and i told her if she could show me the keys to the car i would put 30 bucks in the tank. She flipped out and started cursing and screaming at me because i called her bluff. I told her to get help while she could and handed her 3 bucks in change which she proceeded to throw back at me. I left quickly but looked back once and she was picking up the change. This is a common scam where i am from and i fell for it twice before i wisened up.

  4. From what I’ve seen on my Facebook feed, pyramid schemes selling mascara and vitamins.

  5. Amway seems to be one with people I know.

  6. “Hey did you know that if your hand is bigger than your face, you may have cancer?”
    Puts hand on own face to check
    aaaaaand punch.

  7. “If you vote for me, I will __________”
    -Every elected official

  8. Retail sales. Prices are marked up specifically so they can offer the product at 25% off.

  9. Trimming armour for free.

  10. There weren’t any hot singles in my area. 🙁

  11. “Lookest over there”

  12. LOOK WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I TYPE MY PASSWORD!!! $&@%¥#€ now you try…

  13. Where the people ask you a bunch of questions then invite you out for coffee so they can get you invested in their company or something. Happened once and almost happened again.

  14. You finish me first then I’ll finish you.

If you could get any .gif tattooed on your body, what would it be?

  1. This gif:

    Because it’s lovely!

  2. A .gif of Carlton doing the Carlton dance. So when I’m sad I can look at it and giggle to myself.

  3. something like this
    in glow in the dark ink

    Not only is it a good light source but I can also pretend to be a firebender and hot.

  4. This one, obviously.

  5. Definitely this one

  6. http://24.media.tumblr.com/1298e9d023d3ebf403ae97bad8093ad1/tumblrmtjsl1RS7f1rjj461o1400.gif

    Warning : NSFW

    Absolutely this.

  7. I know this is getting buried but I’m posting it anyways


  8. go bwahhhh because it’s the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen

Redditors who scream when you sneeze: what’s your deal?

  1. A friend of mine shouts “SNEEZE” whenever he sneezes. I think it’s hilarious

  2. I have a colleague who does this, every times he sneezes it sounds like Goofy falling down a manhole or something. I literally laugh for ten minutes straight after he sneezes

  3. I would like to know this as well! My dad does it, and the neighbors hear him when the windows are open in the summer. He says it feels good, but if it’s the sneezing sensation, or the knowledge of him shattering glasses, and scaring birds back to their former summer destinations, I will never know.

  4. Ah! My mom does this. Drives me nuts.

    She is one of the most thoughtful, sweetest women I’ve ever known. She is warm and caring and has an incredible sense of humor.

    And whenever she sneezes I want to punch her in the throat.

  5. My sister once adopted a snort while she laughed due to the attention she gained. It lasted for a few months.

  6. I don’t understand how people can not be loud when they sneeze. One of my good friends sounds like a squirrel barking when he sneezes. It disturbs me. But when I sneeze I scare him because it’s so loud.

  7. I’m masking a fart.

  8. All the women in my family seem to suffer from the same condition – as we get older, our multiple, quick-fire sneezes (‘achoo-ooh, achOO!’) combine into one really long, monstrous AchOOOOOOOO. The ‘ooo’s are really ‘tschhhhhh’ sounds; basically, the sound you hear when you spray an aerosol, only much more violent. It’s so embarrassing! I’ve tried to sneeze silently, but that just results in a violent snot explosion.

  9. If I don’t fully release the sneeze, it just doesn’t fulfill the itch. And then I have 7-8 in a row after it.

  10. It’s involuntary. I’d totally stop if I could cause it is embarrassing

  11. Shit Dave, do you see me posting up on Reddit “oooh people who eat fish in the office, are you just an attention whore, what’s your deal?”

    Cmon man!

  12. I like to make weird sounds when i sneeze. like “haaaaaa-PINGOGGLE!” or “ha-poING!”

  13. I dunno, I dont do it consiously.

    But it is fucking satisfying.

  14. What do you mean by scream? like high pitched loud AH-CHOO or a literal scream?

    Because I have to admit that my sneeze is pretty loud. And oddly, I have an almost involuntary giggle afterwards if it was a really powerful sneeze.

What sorts of things would happen in an inconvenience store?

  1. Everything is labeled “Buy One, Get One Free” but no two things match.

  2. They literally sell inconveniences. You can buy a dead car battery or a missing sock, or a weird cooking utensil that might be some kind of whisk that always gets stuck in your spoon drawer and stops it from closing.

  3. The gas pumps don’t accept credit cards, so you have to run in and wait in line

    All pumps are diesel, save for 1.

    You need a key for the bathroom.

    The fridge doors are opaque.

    They only have AAA batteries.

  4. Its closed

  5. There’d be one clerk and you’d be stuck behind twenty people wanting Powerball tickets and all you’re wanting to buy is a bottled water.

  6. Automatic doors which are open normally but close when you approach them.

  7. The store aisles are arranged like a maze, and the beer is guarded by a minotaur.

  8. The clerk refuses to accept small change and large change. He only goes for medium change but all his prices end in a 3, 6 or 7.

    He also does not tell you what medium change is.

  9. It’s like a McDonald’s run by Mitch Hedberg.

    >Every McDonald’s commercial ends the same way, right? “Prices and participation may vary.” I wanna open a McDonald’s and not participate in anything. I wanna be a stubborn McDonald’s owner. Cheeseburgers? Nope. We got spaghetti! And blankets!

  10. My favorite comic on this topic:

    Inconvenience store

  11. A revolving door that only makes a quarter turn every 5 minutes

  12. All the items in the store are kept in different crane games. 50 cents for 3 tries and there is a 15 minute time limit per machine. They don’t make change at the register without making a purchase and their quarter machine only accepts 2 dollar bills.

  13. All items in the store are arranged alphabetically.

    The Charcoal Briquettes are on the top shelf, above the chocolate chips and the cherries. This isle contains nothing else related to bbqing or baking, and only a few other pieces of produce (chestnuts).

    There is no beer isle. One isle has Budweiser, the next has Coors, and the one after that has Dos Equis. If you want something local, you have to scour the entire store hunting high and low for individual six-packs.

    There is an entire isle for the letter X. It is empty. There is another entire isle for the letter W. It contains one package of wipes.

    You need laundry detergent, so you go to D. No luck. You try L for laundry. Still no luck. On a lark, you try T for Tide. You find the tide, underneath the pre-packaged turkey-and-swiss sandwiches, but you can’t price compare to clorox because it’s on the complete other side of the store. On the trek over, but two-thirds of the way there, you realize that the HE detergent is in the H isle, next to the shrink-wrapped ham and cheese sandwiches. You continue on to the Clorox isle anyways for a club sandwich on rye, only to realize they are actually under S for subs.

    Additionally, it sells scratchers for the Oregon state lottery. It is located in Scranton, New Jersey.

  14. I currently work at a gas station that has no gas. We’re right off the interstate too.

  15. you would have to make an appointment to come in; then, they would make you wait another 45 minutes before telling you what you need; then you would have to go to another store to pick it up, with the price being marked up 4000x what it actually costs to make unless you have the proper paperwork to file. Oh wait- that’s my dermatologist. fuckers.

Redditors of Colorado, what have been the negative effects of marijuana legalization? [serious]

  1. To be honest its that every day it gets talked about on the news, no matter what happens that day.

    “Today the world series started. In other news there have been two more pot shops that have opened up in Aurora”

    “Mark Udall accused of rancid flatulence. In other news the pot shops in Aurora are competing in prices to those in Denver.”

    “437 dead in unicycle crash. Link to marijuana not confirmed.”

    It just gets boring after a while.

  2. I think the most negative thing so far is the media whipping everyone into a frenzy about children getting pot edibles for Halloween. Really? Who’s going to spend the money on pot edibles to give them to kids for fun?

  3. Pot tourists keep coming here and freaking out when they try super potent derivatives or edibles. So much so that they are trying to ban them now. Not much changed because medcards were and still are absurdly easy to get.

  4. I work in U-Haul and lately people have been using the equipment to move marijuana. The smell lingers for a very long time. They bag it and everything but it is very difficult to contain the smell. We end up having to air out the equipment for several hours. Very minimal and doesn’t really effect Colorado in any way, but it was the only thing that i could think of.

  5. The main difference I’ve seen is when people see you are from Colorado, you get pot jokes. It gets old.

  6. I’m in the USAF and I’ve been piss tested more because of living in CO since weed became legal. We also get briefed more on how yes it’s legal for civilians not for me. Holy fuck… We know!

    Also myself and others have been illegally pulled over out of state and asked where we have our weed. Seriously this happened to me in Chicago. I got pulled over on the way back home because I have CO and the officer said I was going 58 in a 55 ( can’t make this shit up) and asked me and my gf where we were keeping our weed. Not if we had any, but where it was! Asshole. Fuck Illinois forever for that; they’ll never get one dollar from me in tourist money now.

  7. The myriad dumb “mile high” jokes are the main drawback.

    Edit: grammar

  8. Nothing has really changed, aside from who deals the pot and tax revenue.

    Pot smokers still smoke pot and non pot smokers still don’t smoke pot.

  9. We get a lot of ignorant tourists that assume that everyone is high all the time and attribute anything negative happening to the fact that we legalized marijuana. I work at DIA so I meet a lot of people from all over the country and this is how it is every time marijuana is brought up in the conversation.

    The legalization of weed here is like alcohol anywhere else, some people drink some people don’t. Thats all there is to it.

  10. Not knowing whether I am smelling weed or a skunk.

  11. Not from Colorado, but Washington! I smell it a lot more, from people just walking down the street smoking a joint. I’m glad their lives aren’t being ruined, going to jail and being a felon over just a joint, but it’s a nasty smell.

  12. There’s never any good munchies left at the gas station 🙁

  13. Its ok. WA didn’t want to answer your questions anyway.

  14. I enjoy smoking pot, but the pot culture is lame. You have pot snobs, and a ton of younger people wearing all sorts of apparel with the generic marijuana leaf on it. Looks fucking stupid.

  15. Lately, the fear-Mongoring over edibles being handed out to kids on Halloween. That shit is expensive, ain’t nobody trying to supply the whole neighborhood.

    Other than that, it’s the people who say “oh, THATS why you moved to Colorado!!” Har har wink wink nudge nudge I moved here in 2007 when Amendment 64 was crazy dream in someone’s head.

Lefties of Reddit, What Product is the Hardest to Use?

  1. Just to throw something in that isn’t scissors:

    Any ladle with a spout. It’s all backwards and wrong and horrible.

  2. White boards. You have to write as if you were using chopsticks or you end up erasing what you’re doing.

  3. Not a product, but I’ve always hated having to figure out where to sit in a group of people eating out so as not to knock elbows the entire time.

  4. Every time this question is asked the top answer is always scissors or notebooks.

    As a lefty, the hardest thing to use is a damn chainsaw.

    They only make right handed versions. Unlike scissors, if you use them incorrectly you stand a good chance of dying horrifically.

  5. Electronic machines that record signature. They suck in general, but for left handed they are pretty much useless.

  6. The right handed desks.

    And then you sit down in a right handed desk while you see a fucking right hander sitting in the left handed desk.

    those fucks

  7. when there’s double doors and one is locked, 10/10 lefties will reach for the locked one first.

  8. Spiral notebook, Fiscar scissors, circular saw (you get a face full of sawdust), and those stupid school desks with the really small writing area.

    Edit: For everyone telling me to flip over the spiral notebook, I was referring to specifically using it for assignments that had to be turned in at school. In junior high you would lose points for using the “wrong” side of the paper.

  9. Being a lefty in school is hard.

    No lefty desks

    No lefty scissors

    Inky Pinky on all of your notes

    Spiral Notebooks put a grid on your hand

    No lefty equipment in gym class, i.e. lefty baseball glove or street hockey stick

    Edit: I recall using cheap plastic sticks with curved blades in gym for floor hockey, and the curve was a disadvantage to me as a leftie. It was the 90s so maybe gym classes have become more accommodating over the past 20 years.

    Edit 2: People keep asking me why I didn’t write backwards in notebooks or flip the notebook upside down. I didn’t do that because that’s stupid when you can just get a legal pad for note taking instead, which is what I do. OP didn’t ask me what’s convenient for lefties.

    And please direct all left-handed desk related questions to the excellent description of it below.

  10. The biggest struggle for me was trying to write on a sheet of paper still clipped in my 3 ring binders during school. It just doesn’t work.

  11. Any pair of scissors that gets all fancy for extra comfort. I had a pair that had some hard ridge because it was molded for a right-handed person’s comfort.

    Pencils suck. I remember being in middle school and getting points off for a hand-written essay having pencil smudges.

  12. Mother fucking can openers.

  13. The M-16. When I was in bootcamp training on the rifle I had to learn to shoot righty instead of lefty. The reason was if I shot lefty the searing hot shell casings would eject right on to my cheek.

  14. Back in middle school and high school teachers would make us get big three ring binders so we could put paper in their to take our own notes, and put some handouts they gave us as well. As a lefty, it was literally impossible to write in those because the rings were so big. Such a hassle

  15. This doesn’t answer the question, but do other lefties have an easier time using a laptop/tablet? It doesn’t matter which hand I use for the track pad. I can switch depending on how I’m sitting or if I’m eating or taking notes. I’ve impressed a few rightys with this skill.