My dad still pays for AOL Mail.
Douches. A product that is actually bad for your vagina that is marketed based on the idea that women don’t know shit about their own bodies.
Fat Burning supplements
Gambling. I love it when I am at a convention in Las Vegas, and I hear them advertise “We want you to win”.
Check around you. Do you see all these massive buildings and shrines to fabulous wealth? They didn’t get this way by letting you win. They got this way by taking your hard-earned money.
Tanning beds. Paying for terrible skin is ridiculous.
Pay ten dollars for one dollar? I don’t fucking think so, buddy.
Microtransactions in mobile games like candy crush and clash of clans. I admit I do this, but I still think it is a waste of money and i’m trying to lower how much I spend on my brave frontier gems…
Edit: I dont think gold is a microtransaction…Im talking about games that make it pretty much unplayable without buying stuff. I mean do you really NEED gold to use reddit?
Edit 2: wow guys, I find all of your opinions on this very interesting. Thanks so much for all of the replies!
It may seem harsh to say that because you are honoring your dearly departed loved ones, but you are spending a a very lot of money for essentially nothing. When my Mom died we went to the parlor and just kind of went along with everything. We didn’t pick the most expensive stuff, but we didn’t pick the cheapest either. When everything was said and done it cost about $15,000 (US).
A loved one dies, and on top of all of your grief you are charged insanely high prices for completely unnecessary items. There is a reason funeral directors are so rich.
Edit: Thanks for the gold!!
in our house, its stuffed fucking llamas…
Herbalife…fuck was I stupid.
Steam trading cards
Things I don’t personally like!
There are still people in this world who pay for that.
This kid believed that dragons were real and basically dedicated his life to finding them
He caught a squirrel, killed it with his bare hands, and then stuffed it in the vending machine.
He pulled a pen knife on someone in the middle of class and said “If you tell anyone I have this I’ll fucking kill you.”
Teacher was told, security came, no one was fucking killed for telling anyone.
Wore a horse costume to school. Like full on fursuit. Then he trotted around the halls and neighed all day. He was… odd.
He only showered once every 7 days. His reasoning was that he didn’t want girls to be “all over him”.
High school. This guy is always dressed like a cowboy, with hat, boots, jacket and even a belt with two prop revolvers and boots with spurs which he got in trouble for for a few times he had it. One memorable day was when he brought a stuffed horsehead toys with a long stick attached to them and ran around the school hallways with it yelling Heehaw and twirling an imaginary cowboy whip.
Senior year this dude even found a Cowboy club in our school. A month later, we had four of these cowboys heehawing thru the hallways riding their horsehead sticks.
Kid in middle school hugged the bustiest girl in 8th grade from behind, fondling her boobs, announcing that it was “national boob hug day”.
School dance, one girl acted like she was drugged, collapsing and throwing up. After police investigation, it turns out the girl drugged herself for attention.
This kid would freak out when you said “cereal” to him. once a kid said it in gym class and the weirdo bit him in the arm drawing blood. i was so confused.
Run like Naruto/Sonic
He was told not to pull anything for the remainder of the year. The next lesson he proceeds to get high and set his books on fire.
Jerked off in class and finished in a flask.
7th grade chemistry.
We used to get these little packs of cheese at lunch. A girl in my class used to put them in the foot of her tights during PE so it would get warm, then after PE class she would shmush the foot-y cheese in to paste, rip a small hole in the corner and squeeze it into her mouth.
Injected coca cola into his vein with a syringe needle in science class. And he drank some oil in that same session.
Edit: one word
Jerked off during the childbirth video in middle school, hairy dilated baby-pushing vagina and all
He poked his bully in the eye. Sending the bully to the hospital with permanent eye damage. The bully kept getting in his face daring him to hit him, so he kind of deserved it.
Don’t mess with the weird kid.
Ive been a single father for the past 16 years. 8 years ago I thought I had found the one, we married too quickly, then she got pregnant….and it was all downhill from there. It started with her wanting to go stay with her parents across the country during the pregnancy….so I quit my job and moved us into the inlaws….and spent 6 months trying to find work…the longest Ive ever been unemployed in my life. Things between us became very tense, she resented me for wanting to leave to another state where I could find work, I resented her for not wanting to leave her family again, her family took her side and made me the root of all evil. Finally a few weeks after our child was born, I took a job out of state and started working away for 4-5 weeks then returning for 1-2 weeks visit….expecting her to follow once we got out of debt and the baby was a bit older. Each trip back things were more tense than the trip before. Then she asked for a divorce….before anything could happen she wanted to work things out. The second time she asked for a divorce I called a lawyer, who discovered that when we got married she was still legally married to her first husband….their divorce didnt finalize until 2 weeks after we had married due to a snafu at the courts.
One day I called her and her phone was disconnected…I called her parents number…same. Then I flew there to find her family had turned their house over to the bank and moved with no forwarding. It took me close to a year before I finally tracked them down. And thats when the threats against me began….
I had already witnessed this behavior with her first husband, He had taken custody of their child from her, and she openly talked badly of him in front of her daughter whenever she had visitation. Her family no better….
I realized that if i forced things I would be forever the bad guy…so I have focused my life and energy on my two daughters I raise alone. I miss the daughter I may never know, and hope that should she ever come to me that we can find a way to move past my absence. I make sure that if her mother ever needs anything from me I am easy to find, but she wont likely come to me in fear that I would expect, demand, and receive visitation. She had a child with another man a year after she stopped contacting me….and has since married a man she has yet to have a child with.
So my daughter has an older sister who lives with her father but spends lots of time with them, a younger sister whose father visits regularly, a stepfather who seems attentive to all my ex’s children, grandparents, aunts and uncles who all live very close and spend tons of time with each other.
And my twin daughters I am raising alone, I have no other family really, their mother hasnt contacted us in years, we have no contact with her family…but they have me and I am a dedicated father who loves them to death. Its an odd dichotomy being everything to two of my children and nothing to one…..but lifes not always sunshine and flowers.
My 13-year-old is actually sitting across the room from me right now, playing minecraft. This is the first time she’s ever been to my house after meeting her for the first time last year.
It’s a really long story that I don’t know if I feel like going into now but her mother is basically insane like her grandmother. They became convinced 14 years ago that I got her pregnant at the behest of my own mother, who wanted to steal the baby and raise it… they believed this because my mom was super excited about her first grandchild and talked about it all the time.
I was 20 when she got pregnant, preparing to finally go to college that fall a couple hours away. When she was 6 months pregnant I informed her that I wasn’t really interested in having a relationship with her, but I would do every and anything she required of me for the baby, except what she wanted me to do: give up college. She flipped out and left, refused to take my calls or open the door for me when I came by her place.
A couple weeks later I received a restraining order in the mail claiming I threatened to kill her if she ever had my child around another man. Around this time she also contacted my mom to tell her the child wasn’t mine and to stay away from them. I fought the restraining order and eventually got it lifted, but not until after the baby was born. I tried going to her house and seeing her, she wouldn’t even answer the door.
So I gave up and walked away. I knew the girl would have questions about me one day and sure enough that day came last spring. Her mom contacted me to say our daughter was asking about me. We’ve been building a relationship since. I introduced her to my wife and our two children last fall and then finally last week we were able to bring her to our house for the first time.
My mother and father were never married and broke up shortly before I was born. Best guy my mom was ever with, hands down. Met him when I was 16, lost touch before I turned 17. He offered to pay more child support than ordered, even after my mom’s first husband legally adopted me.
His reasoning was that if he couldn’t be there all the time, it would be best for me to not be there at all. He’s Japanese, so idk if that factors into it?
It was put to me by a cousin, “I just don’t care. People can call it selfish, and maybe it is, but I don’t care.”
My father spent most of my life in prison. He was accused of sexual abuse on a child when I was three, went to prison when I was 5, stayed there until I was 25. in the 6 months I had with him after his release and before his death, I asked him a couple of times why he wasn’t there for the first three years.
“Your mother wanted a child. I gave her one. I didn’t want a child, so I left after she got what she wanted.” Mind you, this excuse loses some weight when you consider that this was his MO with 28 children, 4 wives, and multiple girlfriends or flings, me being the last child that we know of.
I’m 39 years old. My dad died 2 months ago. This is the question I’ll be wondering for the rest of my life, and the question I hope my kids never feel the need to ask.
I’m the child in this situation. My mom and dad fought a lot even before my sister and I was born. When I was about two and my sister seven, my mom decided to leave. At the time, neither my mother nor father were good people. Drugs, alcohol,physical fights, all that. So, my mom got my dad arrested, had the house demolished, packed my sister and me up, told my Dad we were moving from California to Florida with a court order saying she has full custody of us and had his dad drive us down. The last time I physically saw my dad was when we made a stop for a few days in Arizona to see my aunt.
After we moved my sister grew up to resent Dad along with the rest of the family. We were allowed limited communication when he called on holidays and he was able to send gifts. This went on for years until I moved out of the state and had more contact with him. Now I know that my mother turned all of his friends in Cali against him that’s why he lives in Montana. He never visited because whenever he made arrangements mom would tell him no. Our communication was limited because my mom would use talking to us as blackmail to get him to send more money to her that we kids never saw or had used for our needs. Some months he would go hungry or cold in order to send what she wanted.
Now, he’s so scared of my mother and her side of the family that he is afraid to leave the Indian reservation in case they try and have him arrested for something. And he is afraid for me to come and see him in case he is a bad parent. But I have more contact with him now and that’s all that matters. My sister still hates him.
Man, I hope my dad posts here. Or he could have. I guess I wouldn’t know. He left before I was born, and he told my mother that he wasn’t mine. Dude, if you’re out there, then say something. I still haven’t found you after years and years of searching. Your addresses and phone numbers are all bunk. Your friends apparently don’t even know where you are. Although, they say I look just like you. All I’m missing is the lion tattoo that you have on your back. I know you have another kid out there. I have another half-sister from you that lives in Arizona, but I hear that you’re not a part of her life either. What are you so afraid of? Well, just know that, because of you, I want to be the best father ever. The man who married my mother ended up being an abusive alcoholic. He left bruises on me, your son. He tried to kill me once. I know you’re probably a douche and wouldn’t have done much better. I mean… You never paid a cent of child support. Mom never asked, though. Look, we’re poor-ish, but I’m not asking for money. I want to meet you. Once. I want to star in my own mockumentary reality TV show where I find my lost half-siblings and connect the dots back to you. Wouldn’t that be cool? I wonder if you even know I’m out here. I wonder if you’re dead.
Not a father, but I am close to a guy who doesn’t see his kid.
He adores her. Loves her. Sets reminders for her birthday so he’ll call, buys her presents. She lives eight states away with her mother.
He could get custody if he tried. But he doesn’t. He’s worried he’ll fuck it up. It was a small fear, at first. Like the apprehension before a driving test. But it grew on him, made its way into his mind.
What if he’s a bad parent? What if she gets hurt? Her mother won’t let him talk to his own daughter, even though he calls and calls. When he flew out to see her for her birthday her mother permitted him 15 minutes of the week he spent there, feeding him excuses the rest of the time.
Neither his state nor the state the mother lives in will recognize that the mother endangers her child on a regular basis. That their child is getting almost none of the attention she needs. It’s not neglect; she has a sitter. Sitters. A lack of constancy, of stability. He knows, but he’s the father – his testicles blind the state to his parenting ability, and their blindness drives his doubt one notch higher.
So he pays the child support and sends toys. He sits and broods and hates himself. He calls, because sometimes he might get to talk to her just for a minute.
OP please tag this as serious.
I knew of a family in my community. Father 1 & Mother were married, had a child. They split. Father 2 & Mother had a child. Father 1 & Mother reconciled and had another child. Now Father 1 and Mother had a family of three kids, one of whom was a half-sibling. Father 2 gave up all rights and custody of his child so that child 2 could live as the other siblings did. I thought it was a wonderful sacrifice.
I’m a single mom of two kids. I raised one, but not the other. My ex-husband (the father of my youngest child, a son) was an abusive alcoholic.
I was 19 and pregnant with our son when I married him. The first time he hit me, I was 5 months pregnant. I wanted to run back to my parents (by that time he had moved us hundreds of miles away from my family), but I was too proud to admit my mistake.
I tried to be “better” though abuse never stopped. He acted like his son hung the moon and stars. He would tell me I was “just the pod” for his “perfect child” and other horrible things. He loved that kid more than anything. It drove me to attempt suicide twice.
After years of abuse (broken bones and black eyes and mental anguish), I decided I’d had enough, so I left. He told me in no uncertain terms that if I ever tried to take the boy, he would kill me. I believed him. My son was 4. My ex pretty much made sure we didn’t see each other often.
Fast forward 8 years: my ex drinks himself to death. By that time my son (now 12-ish) is flourishing in school and has good friends, etc. I didn’t think twice when my ex’s parents offered to keep him so he could stay in the accelerated program and continue to see his friends. I didn’t think it would be fair to this kid to rip him from the only life he’s ever known and live with a mom he’s only seen a handful of times, especially after losing his dad (whom he calls his ‘best friend’). Plus, they are AMAZING people. They have nothing but time and love for him- their only grandchild.
Now, my son and I have a better relationship than ever. His grandparents are quick to involve me in all the goings-on in his life, and encourage me to see him as often as I can. I’m sad for the time my son and I lost, but I truly believe everything happens for a reason. My son is doing amazingly well in school- he’s operating near genius level. He just made the football team and is looking forward to starting 8th grade. I’m hopeful we’ll be able to build on this.
TL;DR: my alcoholic ex drove me away and kept me and my son apart. When he died, his parents got custody but involve me in every aspect of his life. I’m grateful and thankful for them, and look forward to building a life with my son.
Not a dad…but my own dad was absent for my older sister, and not me. My older sister was my half sister from a previous relationship. He was not sure if she was actually his child and no one ever bothered to do a DNA test. So he just stayed away from her to avoid the heart break as he put it, of having to look at a kid that he didn’t know for sure was his own kin.
He was an okay dad with me. He would see me but not a lot. I’m actually with him right now.
I have talked to my older sister on facebook, she seems fine now but both her parents gave up on her.
I’m a 16 year old who’s father left when I was 3. He’s a drunk and pathological liar that has been in and out of rehab for my whole life, he also owes my mom (who raised my brother and I by herself) over $90,000 in child support. Even though it’s been hard growing up without a father I believe that I am much better off without his negative influence on my life. Sometimes it’s better that people just stay away.
My brother and sister hated my dad for the longest time. My dad has four kids from his first three of his five marriages: a girl, a girl and boy, and me.
My oldest sister lived with him and my mom from a young age (she was heavy into drugs and her mom kicked her out at 13, so she moved cross country to live with my parents). My brother and other sister, their mom took them away to the opposite coast when my brother was 3 days old. She had found out my dad was having an affair (with my mom) and moved back home to be with her family.
Because of her hatred of my dad, she refused to allow him in their lives. He would try and call a couple times a week, send presents every holiday (including birthdays), etc. At the point I was born my dad had a 7-figure a year income and thus was sending double child support for both of them – he wanted them to have everything I did. But despite all the financial help, they lived in complete poverty – their mom didn’t work and lived off the child support which, because of the state or whatever, was really low. My dad thought she was working in addition to the child support.
My dad had NO IDEA how bad things were for them, and was only allowed to talk to them maybe once a year. From the moment they moved away, despite my dad flying down several times a year, their mother didn’t allow him to see them until they were each 18. Since then he’s been the best dad he can be, and even gave away my sister at her wedding. My brother has lived with him for the last year and they are incredibly close (both kids are in their 30s now). My brother helped raise me when my dad was a single dad and he’s my best friend.
For the longest time they held a lot of resentment towards our dad. My brother and I got into an argument (involving me receiving a concussion and me hitting him with my car…) once because he told me I was the favorite and dad “threw them out.” Come to find out that’s what their mom had been telling them: dad wanted nothing to do with them. I told him about all the times dad and I would spend hundreds of dollars on presents and gifts, of all the times dad called them only to be hung up on, and how he really truly tried. I was always raised with the knowledge that I had a brother and sister and that dad loved us all the same but he “just wasn’t able to be in their lives.”
Tables hVe turned now and now that they know the truth they really resent their mom. She took away their childhood and flat out lied to them – all the times she told them their dad was a monster, she was just pushing him away because e was a bad husband.
TL;DR: shitty husbands can be great dads.
Edit: to put into perspective, my dad had custom cuckoo clocks made for each of them (when my sister was 2/3 she talked about always wanting them and I grew up relatively close to a German tourist town, Leavenworth, so he had two custom made for each of them) and their mom smashed them before they even knew they had a gift.
Ionized wellness bracelets, like the Q-Ray, that claim to change the flow of your chi and othersuch B.S. to relieve pain.
Pure snake oil, but people buy them up like mad.
Eyelashes for cars.
Well someone in my hometown just opened up an independent movie rental store.
I don’t think they did their market research…
Those family stickers on the rear window of cars.
Moon shoes. Death trap.
Furbies. The one buried in my closet still wakes me up at night.
Stickers that hide your dogs butthole.
It’s an animal, not an accessory.
I’m amazed all Coke had to do was put some names on their bottles to get a fuck ton of free social media attention. I wouldn’t say it’s a bad idea because it obviously worked, I just remember laughing when I first saw it thinking “silly Coke, you’ll have to try harder than that” and then book it’s on instagram, facebook, reddit
Glass cutting boards.
Do you hate how functional wood and plastic cutting boards are? Would you prefer something that blunts your knives to the point where they couldn’t cut butter, and also produces an eardrum-shattering racket as you cut? Well then glass cutting boards are for you!
Those cups that claim to make a “slushie”. All you have to do is add the magic, reusable ice cubes, shake it, and tada! You have a drink with a few ice crystals and these giant plastic ice cubes making it impossible to drink, not that you’d want to.
Those stupid truck testicles.
Brosama Bin Laden:
“A best friend that you never see. He’s always hiding or just at home.”
peas and corn mixed together in a bowl
this porn is great and fresh!
Waffle Stomp: – to defecate in the shower and then proceed to try to stomp it down the drain with your foot
In a hurry to cover up the evidence, she waffle stomped.
“What the fuck are you doing looking up the definition of pineapple you retard?!?”
“To put your cock in someones anus and smile”
The sexual act known as the Iron Horse is one for the brave.
You require the following:
– A naked Man
– A naked Woman
– A bed with a headboard / bars
– A decently long hallway
– A helmet
Steps to completion:
The naked man starts at the far end of the decently long hallway, hopefully already fairly excited. The naked woman positions herself on the bed grabbing onto the headboard / bars, on her hands and knees in the doggy-style position. She must also have put on the helmet, and is preferably already somewhat excited. Now, the man at the end of the decently long hallway should begin running down the hallway towards his waiting woman on the bed. At distance (male’s judgment), the male jumps into the air screaming “Iron Horse” while attempting to land his wood into the waiting woman’s vaginal cavity. Upon a successful completion of this act, the male has indeed landed his wood into the female’s vaginal cavity and the female’s head has been punched through the headboard as well as the wall behind the bed(should there be a wall there).
(Note: for males who wish to attempt such an act, the following advice is offered. Do not try this while drunk, perhaps your female should be. This is not recommended for the depth-perception impaired or those with otherwise horrible aim. Upon failure of this act, a trip to your local emergency room is strongly suggested.)
After intercourse when you cum all over a girls stomach, you take a swipe off with your index finger, wipe it on her forehead and say “Simba”.
this shit makes me laugh every time i think of it.
My favorite has forever and always been the definition of Fuck, also from Monty Python:
>Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the english language today, is the word fuck. Out of all the english words that begin with the letter ‘f’ …fuck is the only word refered to as ‘the f word… It’s the one magical word. Just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. Fuck, as most words in the english language is derived from german …the word fuieken, which means to strike.
In english, fuck falls into many grammatical categories:
>As a transitive verb for intance …John fucked Shirley.
>As an intransitive verb…Shirley fucks.
>Its meaning is not always sexual, it can be used as…
>An adjective such as …John’s doing all the fucking work.
>As part of an adverb …Shirley talks too fucking much.
>As an adverb enhancing an adjective …Shirley is fucking beautiful.
>As a noun …I don’t give a fuck.
>As part of a word …absofuckinglutely -or- infuckingcredible.
>And as almost every word in a sentence …Fuck the fucking fuckers.
>As you must realize, there aren’t too many words with the versatility of fuck…such as these examples describing situations such as:
>Fraud …I got fucked at the used car lot.
>Dismay …ahhh fuck it.
>Trouble …I guess I’m really fucked now.
>Agression …Don’t fuck with me buddy.
>Difficulty …I don’t understand this fucking question.
>Inquiry …Who the fuck was that?
>Dissatisfaction …I don’t like what the fuck is going on here.
>Incompetance …He’s a fuck-off.
>Dismissal …Why don’t you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself…
>I’m sure you can think of many more examples.
>With all these multi-purpose applications, how can anyone be offended when you use the word. We say use this unique, flexible word more often in your daily speech.
>It will identify the quality of your character immediately.
>Say it loudly and proudly…
>See examples above…
The Angry Pirate- when having sex with a girl, cum in her eye and kick her in the shin.
>A daring sexual maneuver: Mid-coitus, one person bites the neck of the other, locks their arms and legs down and goes into a deathroll, all while maintaining insertion. Like downshifting a car!
Sally: “Last night Johnny surprised me with an Alligator Fuckhouse, and I came for an hour and a half! I think the bite might have left a scar though…”
Standing around and masturbating while wearing nothing but Crocs. This may be followed up by sending an MMS to a young female intern.
TARGET YOUR RESUME!!! It is so simple, yet so many do not take the time to do so because “it’s so much work” or “I don’t know much about the company”. This is the time to show how your KSAOs (knowledge, skills, abilities and others) and competencies match that of the position/company. Here are some easy steps to follow:
- Incorporate the keywords in the job posting description in your summary of skills. Show how your KSAOs match the jobs this is very important; applicants with generic resumes aren’t likely to even become candidates. You probably only have to change the verb/adjective in your resume, not your whole Summary of Skills section.
- Use the companies name, values, mission statement, etc., in your cover letter in attempts to show why you and the company could create a strong relationship. It’s 2014, everyone can Google; it’s really just to show you know a bit about the company and a serious applicant
- Use generic action verbs (ESPECIALLY ONES FROM THE JOB POSTING) – many companies today use databases to pull candidates from applicants, be mindful of this
- The shorter the better (should never be more than 2 pages)
- You may have lots of work experience but try to keep it relevant to the position you are applying for – not all accomplishments or past jobs need to be included
- Address your cover letter to the HR recruiter/manager, which is easy to do now thanks to Google. “To whom it may concern” makes your cover letter look generic and not serious.
I don’t know if this is useful or obvious tips but I hope it helps someone!
One that hasn’t been said – formatting.
If you use inconsistent spacing, indenting, bulleting, typefaces, font sizes, bolding or italics, it’s a major red flag. I know it seems trivial, but your resume is supposed to be an example of the best work you can accomplish and all of those formatting things (in addition to spelling and grammar) are easy to catch and fix. If it’s sloppy, it looks like you didn’t put much time into your resume and it will make me question how you’ll perform once you actually work at the organization.
Some people have legitimate reasons for lack of experience or gaps in history – there is NO reason for a poorly developed resume.
I sort through thousands of resumes every night and holy shit you would not believe the number of people who don’t include their names or any contact information.
Other common things I see that instantly make me cringe are obvious spelling mistakes and poor formatting. I’ve gone through at least a couple hundred resumes where the person just does a bullet point list of things like “good grammar” “sociable” “enjoys outdoors” and nothing else.
Are foreign names considered a red or yellow flag?
I have a Chinese name (first and last), does that make HR people assume that they’ll have to deal with visa issues, or concerns for my English skills? Or I’m some spy that won’t fit in with the culture of the company?
I always feel like I have to waste a precious line on my resume to go out of my way and declare that I am a US citizen.
I cant even count the number of times I have received a resume that is a screen shot from an iphone of a picture they took of their resume.
You can see their battery power, wifi signal, everything.
For fucks sake, dont ever do that.
I usally have a “I dont want to live on this planet anymore” reaction.
Big red flag: STUPID EMAIL NAMES.
drinkasixty69, hotbabymomma, awesome420, sexybumblebee1995, kickinass1989 or nativechick42 are NOT emails you want to put in a resume to get a job! I see these types of emails every damn day! I try to tell people to create a professional email (like your name!) but so many people don’t listen, then wonder why they’re passed over…
IN REGARDS TO EMAIL CLIENTS AND EMAIL NAMES: It doesn’t matter what client you use, be it Hotmail, Gmail, Yahoo, whatever! Most employers don’t care what client you use, it’s the username you choose that matters.
You can use an alias, a word, or a phrase as your email name, never said you couldn’t. However, you have to ask yourself, do I want to be known as “lovestodance45”? Your username is your online identity, so make it what you want to be known as! It can make just as big of an impression as your resume. If the employer sees “batman45” he’s not going to take you as seriously!
As for getting rid of the email you already have, don’t! It’s perfectly fine to have multiple emails, one for work, and one for play. Personally, I have 5, 4 work related and 1 personal. One nice thing about clients like Gmail is you can link them all together, so you only need to actively check one of them to receive everything. Gmail also allows you to respond as any of those linked emails, saving you time and bouncing between addresses. (I dunno if other clients do this, I only use Gmail and my private sites myself)
And finally, when it comes to how to use your real name as an email address, it doesn’t matter. Any variation of First, Middle, Last is fine. Some use all 3, others only use 2. Some put FirstMLast, others LastMFirst, some MiddleLast, it doesn’t matter. It’s your name. You’re good to go however you choose to use it. Find a way that works for you! 🙂
If you e-mail your resume to us and it is:
- 3 separate files/attachments, one for each page of your resume.
- PICTURES of the pages, not even the actual png files.
- Poorly formatted on top of these.
Then you’re doing it wrong, and I hate you.
(Yes, people do this.)
When I was a nightshift security guard one of the day shift employees forgot her resume on the security desk. I got three words for ya:
A story from my GF: A woman wanting to apply for a job that provides technology assistance to the public wanted my GF to help show her how to use the computer to prepare her resume.
That’s probably a good sign that you’re not suited for the job.
If you are in college, I implore you to visit your Career Development Center or whatever they call it at your college. They will almost always review your resume for free, have resume workshops, mock interviews, counseling sessions for interviewing. You are paying for this already. If you don’t go, you are behind those who do. Those who do are getting resume and interview experience while making connections. College has insane opportunities for networking to a job, if you just wait until you are about to graduate and send resumes out online you are probably fucked.
If you are applying to Federal jobs and you check that you “Are considered an expert” on 90% of the KSA questions, then once it gets to staffing and your resume just doesn’t match up right, you’re not getting the job.
Not necessarily resumes, but if you’re coming to the workplace to fill out an application, bring a pen. Nothing says irresponsibility than knowing you’re going to fill out an application but expect others to supply a pen.
Oh, and please dress like you actually want a job. Pajama pants do NOT count.
if you add your photo to your resume. I go through 1000’s of resumes and you’d be surprised how many people do this. For some reason, I find it a bit disturbing and odd
EDIT: The consensus seems to be this is in fact odd in North America but can be considered normal etiquette in some Asian nations
Spelling errors are the number one red flag. You can have the best resume I’ve ever seen, however, if there is one spelling error, you will not be getting a call.
Always make sure that you’re actually sending the correct version of your resume…I’ve gotten several where there are cross outs and red marks all over it.
I’m sure this will get buried but I am an executive recruiter for a large engineering recruiting office. I look at around 300+ resumes a day.
Granted, most of the roles I fill are very “round peg round hole” types of positions. You have on average 30 seconds to get me excited about your resume. I am a master of skimming for important details. Cover letters will never get read. Do not waste your time or ours. Please put any software, (autocad, watercad, BIM,…ect) in a bulleted box at the top of your resume. This works with any type of position. Your skills need to be at the top. Put dates on your damn resume. If you have no dates I will delete your resume. Work history is very important. If for whatever reason you do have a gap, write a quick sentence on why. “I had a knee surgery” as an example.
Like others have mentioned, hobbies are not necessary. However, if you played sports or are an eagle scout please put those down. This shows competition and drive.
Do your homework on the company you are applying for and tailor your resume to this position. Read the job description select key words and build around job you are trying to get.
Now, this next piece seem odd. If you put your resume out on a site such as Monster or CareerBuilder fill out every available option. The reason for this is I pay a lot of money to view these resumes. Upwards of 8-12$ a resume. If all I see is your name with “confidential” you are going to get skipped over. I cant afford to take a gamble and hope you are a fit.
Lastly. Use LinkedIn. It may seem like a crappy knock off of Facebook but it is hugely important with networking. If you see a position posted you can go to LinkedIn find the hiring manager, find the HR manager, or even higher ups. Send them a direct email. Show your interest. If anyone is interested I have an interview prep guide I have spent the last two years reviving and may have some great insight.
I would like to add one last piece of advice which I forgot. This is also the most import piece.
Closing- Is there anything else we should cover? Based on our time together how do you see my fit into the organization? What’s the next step? I’m very interested in the position….The Key question though has to be using these precise words: Do you have any concerns about my candidacy for the position? .…many interviewers will be totally honest when asked directly.…the concerns verbiage is a bit of a shield that makes answering this question less confrontational and the candidacy verbiage makes it clear that they are making no job offer commitment yet …if so address these concerns right then and there, to the hiring authorities satisfaction. You want the HA to say out loud….I have no concerns about your candidacy.
Thank you /u/corzmo for adding the link for me. Disclaimer Yes, I know my prep guide is full of spelling and formatting errors. This Is a guide I use along side with my candidates as a recruiter to offer insight into the interview process. I’ve been adding to this list for a long time. It is meant to be used as a general outline for an in person interview. Please do not tear me apart after reading. My goal was to try and be non traditional, humorous, and hopefully add information even seasoned candidates might forget.
I remember we were dirt-poor (we’re still kind of are. except all my siblings and I now work). I remember my mother once taking us to Burger King and just watching us play. She didn’t buy anything for herself. Never has. This isn’t the worst, but to me it now makes me sad remembering my mother in a beige trench coat, watching us play. Both my parents are incredibly humble, it makes me want to cry how people can be so selfless.
And yes, ramen soup and food stamps.
hot dogs and macaroni every night. having “camp outs” at the fireplace because we couldn’t afford the electric bill. church people leaving boxes of food on our porch.
my mom is the strongest person i’ve met. raising a young child as a widow and making the poverty seem fun or invisible. no words for how much i admire that woman.
Sitting next to the window in my room so I could read by streetlights when our power was shut off.
Looking forward to school because cafeteria lunches were my most filling meal.
I knew this family growing up. Dad’s a lawyer, mom works for a local TV station, two boys about my age. Not filthy rich people, but definitely well-off. More well-off than my family for sure.
When the boys and I were all pre-teens, the Razor Scooter fad hit. One day my family and their family are all hanging out, and the boys mention they each want one.
I’m aware of how popular these Scooters are, so I know they’re really expensive to buy, so I tell my mom later that maybe we should all chip in a few dollars so the boys can have them by Christmas, which is still a few months away.
The boys’ parents had bought them each a new Scooter by the following week.
Made me realize that oh, some families don’t have to save up all year to buy a toy that the kid really wants.
my 2 brothers and I ate toast for breakfast, top ramen for lunch, and popcorn for dinner, for a entire summer while our amazing mother worked 3 jobs to keep a roof over our heads.
I once asked my Mum why all our shopping was Tesco Value – she said it’s because the blue matched the kitchen. God bless parents.
After reading these responses, I guess my family wasn’t poor.
Macaroni pasta with ketchup as a staple of a meal.
Once my dad, mom, sister and me started a spring cleaning in our house and we didnt have dinner that day. At that time I thought it was because we just had forgotten about it but now I realize we didnt have money for food and my parents were just trying to distract us so we wouldnt be hungry.
Being homeless twice..
My friend in 3rd grade told me I was poor.
I said, “no man, you’re rich”
He said, “no. I’m middle class. you’re poor.”
Denny’s and Taco Bell were a luxury afforded for only the highest of celebrations.
I was allowed to get one pair of brand-new pants for Christmas each year because I was 6 feet tall (in middle school no less) and couldn’t wear the pants at the VA Thrift Store anymore, so they had to be ordered from a catalog.
My mom made deals with the local grocery store to buy their almost-expired meat (now, to be fair, my parents had been ranchers, and were aware of how to judge properly aged beef. It was expired because the dyes they used leeched out and the meat looked gray.)
Lord of the Rings: Fellowship is the first movie I can recall seeing with my mother in a theater. I was in college.
Cable TV and soda were things I only got to experience at my grandmother’s house.
However… one of my first slumber parties, I got to invite over 2 – TWO – friends! I was so excited… we cleaned the hell out of our tiny mobile home, I swept the rickety front porch. I think I was aware that our house was tiny, low-class, and cluttered (like a lot of poor people, my parents bordered on being hoarders) because I badgered my mother endlessly about making sure the boxes of storage were out of sight, and the piles of old lumber my dad cleaned and resold as firewood were straightened up. When the first friend arrived, she walked through that tiny, packed trailer, gazing around like it was a mansion, afraid to touch anything, and her first words to me that night are burned into my soul:
“Your house is so beautiful! Can I live here forever?”
My mom and I used to search for coins around our apparment so I could go to the pool few KM away with friends, on a gifted bike. My mom also used to cry during nights because we didn’t have any money. Then my mom didn’t eat much for a few months because she wanted to buy me an Atari, so I could be an programmer. I’m now an succesful programmer.
My dad breaking down and crying after realizing he didn’t have enough money to buy all the school supplies we needed.