What is something you say you’ll ‘never do again’ but always end up doing again anyways?

  1. Go to bed so fucking late. Jesus I’m exhausted right now.

  2. Stop working out… I start to get strong again and then for whatever reason (sometimes injuuries, vacations, being lazy) I stop for months..

  3. Making excuses to not hang out with people I generally like.

  4. Getting really fucking drunk.

  5. Procrastinate. Regret it every time, but I’ll work on learning my lesson eventually.

  6. Parent here. Saying “I’m not going to tell you again!” To my child. And then end up telling him again.

  7. Chinese Buffets. Every time I leave one I feel like it was the most idiotic idea I’ve ever had, and swear them off forever. Then about a month later I’m back learning the same life lesson over and over.

  8. Go on reddit for “just a few minutes” before I go to bed.

  9. Skittles. Two beers in and I can’t resist their siren song.

  10. Smoke a tonne of cigarettes when drunk.

  11. Having a crush on someone who couldn’t care less about me. I can’t get rid of the feeling that I won’t be truly happy without someone to cuddle with in bed.

  12. Get on reddit at work

  13. Eating a whole pizza.

  14. Eating the whole row of Oreos. Sorry Stomach, but I gotta finish what I started.

    Edit: Grammar. Also, I didn’t expect to be called a wimp for not going for the whole box.

  15. “Fucking eh, dude. From now on, stick to normal porn.”

    …The next night…

    “Hmmm…I wonder if she ever did any anal fisting videos…”

If your college major had a slogan, what would it be?

  1. East Asian Studies Major: please stop cosplaying to class

  2. Astronomy: it’s not fucking astrology God damn it.

  3. History – “Can’t get a job doing it, but you will crush on trivia night.”

  4. Software Engineering – Seriously there is NO REASON why this shouldn’t be working.

  5. Marketing: Where bullshitting dreams come true

  6. Forestry: Flannel-lined science.

  7. Biochemistry: Bad biologists, worse chemists.

  8. Physics: “Theoretical Engineering”

  9. Nursing – You’re going to see some stuff

  10. IT: If you love technology, you’re really gonna hate the people that use it.

  11. Aerospace Engineering – It actually is rocket science.

    runner-up: “I miss girls…”

  12. Communications: We’re not really sure what that means either.

  13. Mortuary Science – Definitely not necrophiliacs

  14. Petroleum engineering – Yep, we’re doing it for the money.

  15. New Media Production – Why work at Target when you can be in crippling debt and work at Target?

Do Deaf People Understand Rhyming?

  1. One of my best friends growing up was deaf. I texted him this. He replied “I know what they are, but they don’t mean much. The Cat in the Hat coulda been The Cat in the Buick and it would ‘sound’ the same.”

  2. Deaf here.

    Yes I can understand the concept of rhyming (it also exists in sign language) but it’s not easy for me to identify rhyming and I miss it regularly unless I’m reading something that is supposed to contain rhyming but even then, it takes me longer to read it. It’s like reading a joke/pun, you sometimes miss it or don’t get the pun/joke. If it’s pointed out, you sometimes take a few seconds re-reading to get it.

  3. Profoundly Deaf here since birth.

    This is actually very interesting enough for me to end my lurking spree!

    I have been growing up going to mainstreamed schools and I didn’t really start learning the concept of rhyming until I took AP English classes in high school a few years ago. However it was fairly easy for me to recognize words with similar spellings at the end like most Deafies here say. On the other hand, when I started doing speech training in college because I was curious, I started to notice that learning how to pronounce words would help you rhyme words so much easier. Basically nowadays when I read lyrics and puns….I start to immediately understand them. In my opinion, learning speech and using your voice would help Deaf people, even hearing people too with their rhyming skills!

    Hopefully this helps! đŸ™‚

  4. This is Bailey’s [my 14 year old baby sister who has been profoundly deaf since birth] response to your question:

    To me, rhyming means something different than what it means to a hearing person. When you rhyme CAT and BAT, you choose those words because they sound the same. If I want to write a poem, I think of words that have rhyming signs. SKY and DREAM are two words who’s signs rhyme to me because they fit together in what I think is the same way that your words rhyme.

    Edit: Currently Bailey is in the hospital for complications related to hydrocephalus, and this is the one thing that has distracted her enough to get her to smile today. Thanks

    Goddamnit Reddit, you made me cry! I forget what an amazing community this is sometimes. You guys rock. Especially /u/StAnonymous and /u/hvonn and /u/shiskebob and /u/MrAnt1 and everyone else who said something kind. This has been really rough on my family and the sweet encouraging words mean a lot.

  5. One of my very good friends is deaf and we actually had a talk about it very recently. He mentioned that he had a tough time keeping up with poetry during literature classes since he was never sure if it rhymed. He mentioned that the most annoying thing was identifying the rhyme scene, yet since high school has never had to rhyme/identify rhymes.

  6. Hi, profoundly Deaf person here, even though that I cant hear anything, I still do understand the concept of rhyming. As for identifying rhyming phrases, that’s more difficult for me and I usually rely on the (imperfect) method of looking at words’ spellings and how similar they are to each other, such as cat and bat. Plus, some rhymes are really well-known and common such as ate/eight that I can identify those, too. In general, rhyming based on sound isnt something that comes easily to me, but rhyming in ASL (which is my native language) is very, very easy for me.

    Edit: Spelling

  7. Deaf since birth here, and apparently when I was very, very young it was more of a moderate loss. I wear my hearing aids consistently and read like a starving man at a buffet. My hearing loss is now ar around 90dB, so it’s almost totally gone. But because I also got speech training as a child, I think all of that combined, I am able to enjoy poetry and recognize rhyme scheme (although that one takes some thinking/counting, especially if I’m reading a sonnet) as well as words that rhyme, even if it isn’t all of the time. đŸ˜‰

    And I am also a fluent signer, I prefer signing to speaking. I love ASL poetry!

  8. Late to the party. I understand the concept of rhyming and I can make rhymes from most spoken English but that is because I was told that they rhyme. During high school and some parts of college, rhyming was part of an assignment, but I always had trouble with that.

    Simply put, yes I understand, but I will miss it most of the time when its in a poem or book or something.

Top Legal Things on the Internet that Seem Illegal

  1. Insane couponing where the store actually has to pay you.

  2. As a 34 y/o dude, porn. I went from the Sears Catalog to Basic Instinct to individual pages torn from porn mags to VHS porn to mid 90’s internet stills (loading line by excruciating line) to DVDs and finally to online video. I still can’t believe it’s free and legal. “Are you 18?” Yup. No credit card or subscription required. Prior to the mid 90’s, no one ever thought this would happen.

  3. You can buy uranium ore on amazon.

    I’ve always wondered whether it’s possible to weaponize it or not.

  4. You can watch couples live their day-by-day lives in their apartments and they are completely aware of it at www.reallifecam.com [NSFW]

    I feel so evasive for watching them

    Protip: Leora likes to walk around naked and in her panties ALOT

  5. You can buy a ton of different hallucinogenic plants. Totally legal. Also the Mario mushrooms(amanita muscaria),the red and white mushroom that Mario eats. They fuck you up though, in real life.

  6. The fact that you can buy a kilo of pure caffeine on the internet seems like it should be illegal to me… proof

  7. Those forums where people talk about intentionally spreading STDs and have counters of how many people they’ve spread it to.

  8. Steam sales. Them price cuts, my god.

  9. Photos of dead people.

    I don’t mean all the photos, but I remember a post to /r/morbidreality or /r/wtf not long ago of a man who had hung himself. The OP had a rental property and then man was being kicked out and when OP went there to clean up after he had left, he found him….and took a photo of him and put it on the internet. It just seemed so wrong. Like his family should have had to give permission or something.

    I’m massively into morbid photos etc, and I can understand things such as someone getting hit by a car or something on CCTV, but personal things like that, I just don’t know. I don’t even really know what makes the two different, but something does.

  10. I Ireland it’s 100% legal to torrent just about anything. But it is illegal to upload it, share it or distribute it for profit.

  11. Buying stuff on United Nuclear.

  12. Jerking off to pics of your crush on FB. (We’re still in HS)

    I mean, at first it felt so morally wrong, but then it felt soo good.

  13. The fact that online websites don’t charge tax but your local brick and mortar store does.

    I’m all for competition, but this is unfair.

  14. Comcast.

  15. Chinese-made trinkets for $.28 a pop. It feels like with free shipping, they’re paying me to accept their steampunk octopus necklace.

Top Unethical Life Hacks

  1. Nobody is going to question your presence at a hotel’s continental breakfast as long as you look ok. Confidence is everything.

  2. You can make serious cash doing other people’s homework for them.

  3. Applying for a new loan and have, um, troubled credit? Dispute the derogatory items with the three credit bureaus roughly 45 days before you apply for the loan.

    The disputed accounts are ignored by the major scoring algorithms which will give you a boost. If nothing else, the negatives won’t be dragging down the score.

    Eventually, the “bad” credit will reappear since your disputes will not succeed in getting the information removed from the credit bureau database, but, at least you got that loan.

    Don’t tell them I told you.

  4. Whenever you go to buy a car, the sales guy will always give you that sheet that itemizes the charge and everything on it with the OTD price. That’s the sheet that you sign when you agree on the price. What you do is take that sheet, tell them you’ll need to think about this. Do whatever you can, but take that sheet with you. Then, scan that sheet into your computer, OCR that shit, change the numbers around to something you want that is reasonable. Make sure your math is right, print it out, bring it to another dealership and negotiate from that fake invoice.

  5. Have affairs with Realtors. They have keys to empty houses all over town.

  6. A hardhat, safety vest, and white truck can give you access to most places.

  7. Buy tv at Walmart.

    Return tv to walmart before 2 weeks

    Come back in few days and buy said tv as open box item at a discount

    Have to pay cash for at least one of the transactions perferably both.

  8. Download the crappy watermarked low res image that istock gives for free. Upload that in Google’s image-based search and find many people hosting the high res.

  9. When you buy a laptop or desktop, buy a warranty that includes accidental damage. Near the end of the warranty term, run Linpack or Furmark and block the exhaust vent. Leave it like that for a few hours and you’ll get irrepairable hardware damage. File a warranty claim and get a new laptop.

    The best part is there’s no evidence of hardware tampering because you never even open the case.

  10. Learned from a homeless person on the bus:

    Put on your best suit (a.k. “least disgusting suit”, if you’re a hobo), show up at funeral homes and act like you knew the deceased. Have free cake.

  11. Need hot sauce? Looks like I’m getting Chipotle for lunch.

  12. If you are married, and interviewing for a position that requires travel, lose that ring, and watch out for the ring tan line. If you aren’t married, and interviewing for a “stable” job, put on a wedding ring. If you have any close friends with kids, take some pics with them. If anyone questions you about the wife, just start looking like you are going to cry, no one will ask again.

    Having a family makes you a little less vulnerable to downsizing and gives you some great excuses for missing work. Hung over? Kid’s sick. Have to go to the hospital because a hooker jammed a clit stim up your ass? Kid’s sick.

  13. So I guess this subject ties into a life lesson my grandma taught my mom.

    Growing up there has always been this big ass artistic rendition of a map of South America hanging up on our wall. I guess the story of it was that it was originally at some gallery and my grandma just walks up to the god damn wall, picks it off, and walks out calmly without hesitation. She told my mom that you could do anything as long as it looks like you know what you’re doing and nobody will question it. Thankfully I don’t see this being nearly as effective in today’s world.

    Edit: I should make it clear my last comment was in regard to the specific act of grabbing a painting in a gallery, not so much the larger premise because that’s still obviously effective.

  14. There are two classes of lies that you can get away with.

    1. The lie that’s so huge, so massively impossible, that no one would ever understand why the fuck you would lie about something so fundamental, and so it’s accepted as truth. I call this the Government Lie.
    2. The lie that’s so small that you can utterly convince yourself that it could be true, and so no matter how many times you tell it, it doesn’t bother you, and no one would ever understand why the fuck you would like about something so innocuous. I call this the 1/16th Cherokee Lie.
  15. On craigslist or armslist (or any other classifieds site), find an item you want, lowball the person from several different emails, then send them a reasonable (but still below asking value) offer at them from your real email. After being lowballed all day, they’ll jump at your real offer.

15 Greatest Weaknesses of Americans

  1. Seeing the OP’s name made me giggle.

    I think some of you may have looked over that

  2. A big butt and a smile but I’ve been warned never to trust one.

  3. Foreign Language

  4. Fire. Definitely. We need some more rock types in our lineup.

  5. Freedom doesn’t have any weaknesses.

  6. Sugar coated everything. We are easily distracted by sweet treats.

  7. Our easily injured knees. But that is true for all people I suppose.

  8. We inappropriately take partisans approach and make partisan decisions on matters that shouldn’t be partisan.
    Examples are education with the Common Core or No Child Left Behind. Or interpreting the Constitution in unfair ways: an example being Plessy v. Ferguson.

  9. No real representation.

    Money makes law in the US, via the elected “representatives”.

  10. My greatest weakness? My pistol only carries six rounds.

  11. Nice try, foreign terrorist organization.

  12. If you flip us on our back we can’t get back up. Like turtles but squishy and kinda gross.

  13. Puppies who like belly rubs.

  14. The two party system.

  15. We don’t produce engineers at the rates other countries have. The vast majority of programmers at most big software companies are immigrants. Not just from India, but Europe, the Middle East, everywhere else.

    Nothing wrong with immigrants, it’s good that we’re attracting talent from all around the globe – but when there are fewer programmers from the US than from each of Ukraine, Poland, Lebanon… (at my company anyway) -in my mind that represents a failure to prepare citizens for the jobs that we need.

People who don’t watch Game of Thrones, what would you guess happens in the series based just off the unending references and what you’ve learned through being here?

  1. It’s a mixture of sex scenes, important characters dying, and Peter Dinklage being awesome. I haven’t seen a minute of it.

  2. Something something hodor.

    Something something red wedding

    Something something I know nothing

    Everyone dies, especially Sean bean.

  3. House This and House That are killing/fucking each other. Nobody is safe and everybody dies. Idiot called Hodor with World’s smallest vocabulary is running around Forrest Gumping shit. And dragons fly about.

  4. Death, winter and prostitutes.

  5. This is going to end up as a buzzfeed article in a few days…

  6. Massive orgies with the participants of said orgies wielding medieval weapons fighting the other orgies. Like two combating orgy clouds.

  7. Incest happens around people getting killed with swords and some how dragons are involved. There is a small asshole who looks like a douche, is a douche, and does douchebaggery. There is a sassy midget who does something of some sort. At some point there is trial by combat.

  8. Winter is coming, although nobody really knows exactly when…. and lots of boobs

  9. Draco Malfoy is an evil prince who is trying to kill Princess with large eyebrows, who is best friends with the blonde girl. Well the blonde girl is actually from Skyrim so she is getting dragons to help the eyebrow princess kill Draco Malfoy. But the chick from Skyrim has to fight Peter Dinklage to get the dragons.

    And then other people do stuff. idk.

    Edit: Plus incest.

  10. It’s the story of 5 infighting noble families in a fantasy world with a much longer orbit than earth?

  11. Okay, I have never seen any a minute of the show, but here it goes:

    There’s a blonde kid everyone hates who is king or something. I think he has an incestual relationship. There’s a guy who can only talk like a Pokemon. Boromir dies at a wedding. The show takes place in a fictional place, but there’s no magic or dragons. Except there are somehow, and there’s like a dragon queen woman. There are special wolves or something. Peter Dinklage is in the show, and I don’t know if his character is a gnome or if I’m just really politically incorrect.

    That’s what I know. But like the John Snow guy, I know nothing apparently.

  12. People are fighting over… something.

    One of the kings is some douche named Jeffery who looks like a girl.

    Everyone is inbred.

    The show is basically a porno.

    Peter Dinklage does Peter Dinklage stuff.

    A bunch of people die.

    A bunch of people die at a wedding.

  13. Lots of people bang, that blond kid is a prick, Natalie Dormer is hot (but also kind of a prick?), George R.R. Martin is bad with weddings, and Jon Snow doesn’t know shit (and is hooking up with a redhead I think)

  14. Like a slightly more R rated version of lotr, except rather than frodo going to mordor and fighting sauron its john snow going to hodor and fighting some petulent child that I can’t remember the name of.

  15. People have sex and afterwards there’s a 50/50 chance of them dying. Also I think there are dragons, or is that just Skyrim?