What is something you refuse to take seriously?

  1. Ambiguous one line posts on Facebook from people seeking attention.

    You ok hun?

  2. All of those political commercials. I just laugh at how horribly the candidates attack each other.

  3. Those bracelets that are supposed to give you energy.

  4. Ashton Kucher. He can look like Steve Jobs or a member of the Coast Guard all he wants, but once he opens his mouth all that comes out is Kelso.

  5. Any person that uses the word “haters” to describe someone that disagrees with them.

    Edit: If you disagree with this you’re just a jealous hater.

  6. Kim Jong Un’s threats.

  7. Reality TV. Never will I take anything on those shows serious.

  8. Nancy Grace

  9. The Facebook posts that have some ridiculous, “If I get 1 brazillion likes, my grandmother’s cancer will disappear and I’ll take off my shirt.”

  10. Magic shows on television. I’m not impressed if you can use editing.

  11. Tabloid magazines. 95% of it is made up bullshit about celebrities.

  12. Zero tolerance policies in elementary school.

    Kids say bang bang and pew pew while playing because that is what they see on tv and in games. They don’t actually want to kill each other, they’re too young to even understand what that means. But do it once and you’re suspended instead of being sat in a corner these days. I don’t know where the logic has gone.

  13. Anybody who typz lik diz.

    Edit: I know you guys are joking when you comment “LiK dizz”, but it makes me want to strangle you.

  14. Truck balls

  15. Far right and far left talk show anchors. There’s no way they believe the shit the spew.

What is your favorite song in a language you do not understand?

  1. Tunak Tunak Tun

    The first time I saw this video, something was awoken inside me…

  2. Anime fans look around the room uncomfortably…

  3. Con Te Partio. too much sopanos

  4. Hoppipolla – sigur ros

  5. Papaoutai by Stromae. Its in French and I have no idea what it’s saying, but I can sing the whole song perfectly… Even with a little French accent!

  6. A Russian band whose been on reddit a few times recently posted this song.

  7. Alors on Danse by Stromae. It’s in French but it’s so good.

  8. 1977 by Ana Tijoux

  9. Edith Piaf – La vie en rose

  10. Here are three that I’m really enjoying right now:

    Stromae – Papoutai

    Cro – Traum

    Alligatoah – Willst du

    I understand parts of the second two (Willst du mit mir Drogen nehmen?), so hopefully it still counts haha. I really love German music, so if anyone has other cool German songs please send me a link (I know all of Rammstein by heart).

  11. Hikari by Utada Hikaru

  12. 99 Luftballons by Nena

  13. La Bamba – Ritchie Valens

Suppose a pill is created that elongates your life by 300 years. Do you take the pill? Why or why not?

  1. I am already at peace with the fact that people around me will die, and that I will die as well. I would accept this offer out of sheer curiosity. I want to know what the far future will be like. Maybe that will give me some measure of scope – considering not even 400 years ago America wasn’t even a country, and that could possibly be one person’s lifetime. It would be remarkable, the wisdom that could come from living for so many years.

  2. Yes. I want to live as long as I can. End of story. Nothing else to it.

  3. “This was before your time, but back in my day…”

    Joke is on you old man!

  4. Absolutely. Don’t recall who said it but “We are born too late to explore this world and too early to explore the next.” I just want to see whats next and unfortunately ill be compost way before that.

  5. I’d split it up into 7.172 billion pieces and give one to every person so their life can be extended by 1.319 seconds.

  6. Fuck yes. At some point Man will land on mars, we will have a moon colony, and we will have hoverbikes. I fucking want a goddamned hoverbike.

  7. Let’s look at the options for two overarching situations:

    • You enjoy it: Congratulations! You’ve got an extra several hundred years to play around, love, learn, earn, and watch humans race forward. Since society is structured for less prolific agers than yourself, you can play your cards right and not have to work more than a few decades, keeping a consistent standard of living with only investment returns and passive income.
    • You regret it: Watching people around you die, making poor decisions, failed health, incarceration, world conditions, or some other factors may have you in a position where you would genuinely prefer to no longer be alive. Even so, you’re in better shape than you would be normally: you would have better health than your calendar age would belie, while also having the option for suicide.

    I would consider it to be at least as good as a “regular” life in all situations: you get more opportunities, and even in most worst-case scenarios, you can simply cut your own life short under your own control!

  8. It ages much slower?

    Yes

    People can live past their loved ones without such a pill. All around the world, men and women have buried sons and daughters, wives and husbands, brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers. The unfortunate have had to bury them all in their lifetimes. Death is unavoidable, and living a normal human life span only partially eases the suffering.

    Add to that I’m a heavy introvert, and emotionally distant. Once the core people have gone, I’m not sure I would bother much to care at all.

    So, given the positive aspects, I would leap at the chance.

  9. Yes.

    Everyone saying you’d have to “watch everyone you know die” seems to neglect the possibility that you could meet new people and experience entirely different lives, and that people that lose loved ones do find love again. Yes, your parents and immediately family can never come back and no one would ever fill that role again. But you can have new friends and family all the same. Although loss is difficult, I think you’d learn to deal with loss and accept it as a part of life, especially with living so long. Assuming what someone else said and that you aren’t just surviving in a torturously old body for 300 extra years, this would be an incredible opportunity because time is easily the most precious resource.

    Imagine…You could relive life 3 more times – changing career, finding new love, giving more back to the world. The wisdom you accumulate from such a long life would definitely have some kind of compounding effect, allowing you to effectively cope with the loss of loved ones. Scientific advancement would only mean your friends and families stay around for longer. Going through so many experiences you would know yourself better than anyone that has ever lived. In short, I think at about 150 years, you would have FIGURED LIFE OUT to achieve optimal levels of personal satisfaction.

    Besides the lives you’d be able to touch, there would be a certain level of financial security – you have the time to get a solid education with whatever salary you make, even if it is next to nothing BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE TIME. I would predict that you would become very comfortable financially, if not fairly wealthy.

    You also have to consider your contributions to the world. I think you’d have so much to offer, so much to give in terms of wisdom and your age would give you credibility that no one could challenge. Your writings would appear in newspaper articles, your other words would fill at least a couple of books – you’d have the time to write them. Knowing the exact age of your demise, you would be able to settle your affair and live out your last years, months, or whatever, in peace.

    TL;DR – because of your accumulated experiences and years, you could figure out how to live life to the fullest, even when coping with the loss of loved ones. Your extra time would allow you an amazing adventure of a life.

  10. First, I take the pill.

    That is to say, I accept the pill, but I don’t swallow it right then and there. Instead, I put out the word that I’m in possession of a life-extending supplement, and then offer it to a billionaire in exchange for half of his fortune. I suggest to him that rather than immediately swallowing the pill, he fund some research on its function and see if he can duplicate (or even enhance) its effects. He agrees and locks the pill away, and we begin a devoted quest for immortality.

    Eventually, there is a breakthrough: After years of work and immeasurable expenses, we manage to create a second Longevity Lozenge (or whatever we decide to call it). By this point, the billionaire and I have become trusted friends, and he offers to let me take it. Tears well up in my eyes as I tell him how touched I am by the gesture, and I propose an addition to the plan: We’ll unlock his pill, and take them together. Once again, he agrees.

    We return to the place where he had hidden the pill, and he retrieves it. I, in a moment of uncontrolled emotion, rush forward and give him a hug. He responds in kind.

    “I want you to know,” he says, “that I’ve made you the sole beneficiary of my will. If these pills don’t work for some reason, I want you to continue in our research.” Then, he steps back, we give each other a smile, and take our pills.

    Of course, during our hug, I’d used my pickpocketing skills – which I’d been developing all this time – to switch his pill with a cyanide capsule. He dies instantly. It’s seen as a terrible tragedy that was the result of untested research. I give the eulogy at his funeral.

    Then I take the pill.

    TL;DR: Yes. Heh heh heh.

  11. Suppose it was a Suppository

  12. Yes,I make bad decisions.

  13. I will surely take it. 300 years isn’t THAT long, you won’t be begging for a mercy kill by year 200 or something.

  14. Totally. I would have time to make 50 million and buy the Dracula’s castle. Then obviously I would be Dracula for like 200 years or so.

  15. Why do they focus on “watching your loved ones die?

    Dude! You can get to meet your great-great-great-great grand children!

    You get to see 10-12 generations of your descendants! Imagine working on creating aomething for them, WITH THEM!

    There’s no way I wouldn’t take this pill!

Gamers of Reddit, what is your favourite cheat code of all time and what did it do?

  1. Star Wars Jedi Knight 2: “g_saberrealisticcombat” made it so that the light saber would dismember the bad guys, sending body parts flying everywhere. It was especially cool in slow motion.

  2. In Superman 64, press and release the power button. This will allow you to remove the game so you don’t have to play it.

  3. Pedestrian Riot from GTA San Andreas. I would combine this with the cheats “Peds have weapons” and “Recruit peds to your gang” to spawn the ultimate clusterfuck.

  4. “Flying cars” from GTA: San Andreas was so much fun.

  5. “IDKFA” from DOOM – All weapons/ammo/armor. Fun times were had.

  6. Naming a visitor “John D Rockefeller” gave you 10k in Rollercoaster Tycoon 3.

  7. Not a code but a glitch, rare as bigfoot.

    In the original Super Mario Bros. (NES), if you played chicken with Bowser and jumped on both the axe and his head at the same time, you’d “shrink”, but stay big, and your states would stay reversed until you died.

    This meant you could get a fire flower, and get all the perks of being small (fit through one-block gaps) with the perks of being big (breaking blocks, throwing fireballs).

    It was before the internet, and the Nintendo Power tip line didn’t care. I felt like the only one in the world who knew this secret.

  8. Shadows of the Empire on N64 had some next-level cheats.

    WampaStompa – Use that as your save file name then enter a code to change to an AT-ST, a Wampa, or a Stormtrooper.

    Debug mode where you had to hold a lot of buttons and use your chin to move the analog stick halfway to the left, then the right. You’d hear a tone upon successfully entering the code. Debug mode had a lot of options like changing gravity, god mode, jump distance, etc…

  9. ABACABB mortal kombat Sega Genesis blood code

  10. O Canada from Age of Mythology, you spawn in a badass bear that shoots lazer and have cat looking creatures that beat the living shit out of your enemies!

  11. BEWAREOBLIVIONISATHAND

    Unlock all levels and all weapons in Turok 2.

  12. NARPAS SWORD0
    000000 000000
    

    Infinite energy, infinite missiles, wave beam, ice beam, all powerups.

    From Metroid for NES

  13. BIGDADDY , Age of Empires (dont remember which one in the series). It gave you a sweet ass car that you would use to just completely not play the game it was intended 😛

  14. Down, R, Up, L, Y, B

    Ability to use the same characters against each other (and alternate colors) in Street Fighter II.

  15. Motherlode from The Sims series, given you 50k cash, could be used as much as you wanted.

What’s a warm fluffy truth?

  1. There’s a biker gang that shows up at children’s homes, sits in on court cases, stands outside the courthouse, or anything else that a family requests in order to help make abused children feel safe

  2. Several well respected and well funded organisations have research to show that the world is becoming a less violent place. We are more likely to think it is becoming more violent due to media influences.

  3. Rats laugh when tickled 😀

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_oKQ9Dzitc#t=41

  4. There are certain penguins that have Marriage like proposals with special pebbles they spend hours searching for instead of rings

  5. There is a town in alaska and their mayor is a cat.

    He was also reelected.

  6. The voice actors for Minnie and Mickey Mouse got married in real life.

    The voice actors for spongeBob and plankton’s computer wife got married in real life.

    Norway once knighted a penguin.

    There is a cat version of the corgi.

    Edit: Norway not England

  7. Puffins are roly-poly little sea birds.

    One of my high school science textbooks had that exact quote, so it must be truth… An incredibly warm, fluffy truth.

  8. If you spend enough time feeding, grooming, petting, raising, and/or generally being nice to an animal, it will become fond of you the way you become fond of it.

  9. A group of pugs is called a ‘grumble’

  10. If you are attacked by a bear, grab for its fur. Your last moments will be warm and fluffy.

  11. Dogs are acutely attuned to human emotion.

    http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4830393

  12. Most people will die married/in a committed relationship, despite what sensationalist statistic say about divorce rates.

  13. Somewhere in this world, there is a dog that loves you. Probably several hundred.

  14. Warmth and fluffiness can kill an Angora rabbit. If their fur isn’t regularly cut it will felt, which will trap their body heat and cook them alive.

  15. Somewhere on earth there is a person who would find you attractive and want to fuck you

Those of you that have a SO that has a twin, do you find their twin equally as attractive?

  1. Several years ago I was in a long term relationship with a twin. I found her sister to be more attractive, and a genuinely nicer person. I guess I dated the wrong one.

  2. The most confusing feeling I ever had was when I encountered my Ex’s(still gf at the time) sister after an argument with my gf. It was like all the anger would be gone, but I was still looking at a clone of the girl I was sleeping with. Imagine feeling like a “reset” button actually existed but you never could act on it.

    Edit: because I apparently killed English and its teachers.

  3. I get freaked out when I’m not wearing my glasses and my bf says I look like my twin. Especially since I take my glasses off when doing it.

  4. No. Her twin is a dude.

  5. I dated a twin. She had a kid at 15 but was 21 when I met her. I didn’t know she was a twin until I met her sister who seemed like a more refreshed version of herself. I thought she was prettier, to be honest, and as a 21 year old myself wanted to switch to the prettier, less encumbered one.

  6. I’m an identical twin, and I’ve asked girls I’ve dated if they’d want my brother too. Only one of my exes has actually met my brother though, since he lives on the other side of the country. We also don’t look as similar as we’ve aged, and he also has long hair and a different personality from me.

    Here are the responses I’ve gotten:

    College girlfriend – Said it would be hot to get banged by both of us at the same time.

    8 year girlfriend – She met him, didn’t really say anything about his attractiveness, but said it was creepy that we both have the exact same laugh.

    Last ex – Wanted us to make out with each other, but she was into yaoi.

    Current girlfriend – Knows I have an identical twin, but I haven’t asked her if she finds him attractive as well. If I had to guess, she’d say yes.

  7. On a purely physical level: Attractive? Yes. Equally? No, but almost.

    However, if we consider personality, then it becomes a blowout win in my fiancee’s favor. She and her twin are complete polar opposites in terms of demeanor, bearing, and personality 90% of the time. /u/bolivianrash’s SO and others have it right. Personality is VERY important. Especially when so much else is similar.

  8. I dated a twin in High School. On a purely physical level, she was way more attractive than her sister. Like.. leaps and bounds more. The only difference between them was she wore better clothes and had better hair. Just goes to show you how big of a difference you can make in your appearance by doing simple things..

  9. No, he says he does not.

    He hates it when I put my hair up in a bun because then I look too much like my sister, and he doesn’t think she’s pretty. (I have super-long hair, she usually keeps hers shoulder-length or shorter and always in a bun)

    Makes me wonder sometimes, does he only love me for my hair?

    *Edit. Ok, men like long hair (I knew that, I really did, but confirmation is nice) Though, I actually grew it out because I hated having the short hair after I broke my elbow as a kid. As in, utterly despised. I wanted my longer hair back. Also, for the kindly concerned, the question wasn’t quite serious. I know he loves me for other things.

  10. My SO has an identical twin. I don’t find him that attractive. I don’t really know why. Their personalities are quite similar, and their family stuggles to tell them apart sometimes. But I don’t: one of them I wanna get all up on, and the other I don’t. When I told the boyfriend this he was actually offended, like I was saying I wasn’t attracted him. And here I was trying to be reassuring.

  11. I am a twin, and I just asked my SO this. He says that our differences in personality almost add to/take away from our appearance, hence why he is dating me and not her. He agrees that she is attractive (since we look alike) but he thinks I am more attractive, because my personality is more attractive to him.

  12. I dated a twin once. The only reason I found her twin attractive is because it’s the forbidden fruit.

  13. No, mostly because my girlfriend’s twin has a beard.

  14. OP is opening doors best left closed.

  15. My SO is a twin, but I don’t particularly think his brother is as attractive. My boyfriend exercises and eats well and is clean-cut. His brother doesn’t eat enough, and drinks and smokes in excess. Their lifestyle differences are very apparent in their appearances. So while I can see his brother as an attractive man, I am also not crazy about him like I am my SO.

Top 15 dad jokes

  1. You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

  2. Do you know why flamingos sleep with one leg pulled up?

    If they pulled up both legs, they’d fall over.

  3. What’s the difference between a tuna, a piano, and a pot of glue?
    I dont know, what?
    You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna!
    What about the glue?
    I knew you’d get stuck on that!

  4. You: “Hold on, I have something in my shoe”

    Dad: “I’m pretty sure it’s a foot”

  5. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches?

    Because then it would be a foot.

  6. “Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?”

    “It’s okay, he woke up”

    Also…. /r/dadjokes

  7. Kid: “Dad, make me a sandwich.”

    Dad: “Poof! You’re a sandwich!”

  8. I’ve posted this before but….

    So when I was younger my Dad would sometimes make me a root beer float/ice cream float/coke float/etc. But one day my Dad asks me, “Hey do you want a wood float?” I’m not exactly sure what a wood float is, but my experiences with floats in general have gone AMAZINGLY well through this point in my life. So I say yes without giving it too much thought. My Dad brings me a glass of water with a toothpick in it. Enormous grin on his face. Very much the opposite on mine.

    I now realize at the age of 26, that the only reason he ever made me the root beer floats and other floats, was just to set me up for one of the Daddest jokes of all time.

    Having said that, I will be using this on my child.

  9. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, then it dawned on me.

  10. Pete and Repeat are sitting on a fence. Pete falls off, who’s left?

  11. Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?

    Because if they had 4, they’d be chicken sedans!

  12. “Hey kids did you hear about that crazy lady who got breast implants full of twigs and sticks?”

    “….no why? Is this another one of your stupid jokes again?”

    “No no no. I read it on my Yahoos and thought it was weird.”

    “Oh… yeah that is weird I guess.”

    “It would’ve been funny if that joke had a punchline, wooden tit?”

    “Dad no.”

  13. Me: “Hey dad, what’re you up to?”

    Dad: “oh, probably about 5’11”.”

    Me:”…”

  14. A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

  15. Dad: look, there is a flock of cows

    Kids: herd of cows, dad!

    Dad: heard of them? There is a whole flock right there!