People who leave comments on porn videos – why do you do it?

  1. People need to know that id fuck the shit out of that girl…they need to.

  2. to practice typing with my left hand

  3. Usually just to ask what the porn star’s name is or tell someone else what the porn star’s name is. The community is rather nice other than the occasional “I want to fuck you until you bleed”

  4. So my favorite porn star will notice and want to have sex with me.

  5. For the stimulating discussion and intellectual debate.

  6. To leave a timestamp of the best part. It’s a service to the community.

  7. Just to thank your mum for her work

  8. Sometimes I’ll stumble upon local (Malaysian/Indonesian) amateur videos on porn sites and there will be people telling the girls they should be ashamed of themselves or Allah will burn them in hell or that hope Jesus will save them. All I’m thinking is… do they get off from that? Like you don’t accidentally find these videos.

  9. My dream is to eventually have one of my comments discovered by Pornhub Comments on Stock Photos.

  10. I was watching a porn video once, and the comments section happened to be visible. From it I learned, with my dick still in my hand, that the girl I was looking at had killed herself with a shotgun a few weeks before. So I would also like an answer to this question.

  11. Favourite comment. “I wouldn’t last 5 seconds with you slibbering all over my dingle.”

  12. To let others know when the cumshots/squirt scenes are

  13. My favorite thing is the fact that a lot of the big sites have “share to Facebook and Twitter” links.

  14. How do you expect them to last in the business if they don’t get the critical feedback they need?

Which two unrelated movies can be summed up with the same sentence?

  1. “Brave adventurers stop the rock from ruining everything.”

    Armageddon and The Mummy Returns.

  2. “A cowboy must deal with an unwelcome alien.”

    Toy Story and Cowboys vs. Aliens

  3. “A disgraced professional guard proves himself worthy after he becomes the only one who can save a group of hostages”

    Olympus Has Fallen and Mall Cop

  4. Resourceful guy left alone on Christmas Eve beats the fuck out of criminals.

    Die Hard and Home Alone

  5. “It’s dad all along.” mrs. Doubtfire and star wars.

  6. “enjoys making traps to punish bad people”

    Home Alone and Saw

  7. “A bitter old man loses his wife, befriends his young Asian neighbour who helps him overcome his bitterness and cyncism.”

    Up and Gran Torino

  8. “Icy dead people.”
    Titanic and The Sixth Sense.
    (Homophone, but hey.)

  9. Christian Bale is a rich playboy with a dark secret.

  10. Tom Hanks’ travelling never goes well.

    1. Terminal
    2. Apollo 13
    3. Cast Away
    4. Cloud Atlas
    5. Captain Philips
    6. Joe vs the Volcano
    7. Catch me if you can
    8. Toy Story 1, 2 and 3

    Edit: So many people saying Joe vs the Volcano. I have not seen that movie, still I’ll add it.

  11. “They put that thing back where it came from.”
    Monsters Inc., The Lord of the Rings

  12. Man dresses up as a Scot in a dress to take back what’s his.

    Braveheart and Mrs Doubtfire

  13. “Undercover agent gets too close to target and suffers identity crisis.”

    Donnie Brasco and Mean Girls.

  14. Johnny Depp is a pale faced wierdo. Directed by Tim Burton.

  15. A child is taken away, and a parent will go to great lengths to rescue them.

    Finding Nemo and Taken!

Which businesses give the coolest freebies for your Birthday?

  1. IHOP gives you two eggs, two bacon strips, two sausage links, and two pancakes.

  2. Gillette gave me a free fusion pro glide in the mail

  3. There’s a bar a few towns over that gives you your age in chicken wings for free. 47th birthday? 47 wings. Free. Doesn’t suck.

    Edit: Never heard of TK’s, this is The Rusty Nail in Clifton Park, NY

  4. I signed up at Marlboro a long time ago for something. I haven’t smoked in 8 years. Every birthday I get a present from them. Its usually decent too. A zippo, an ashtray with my initials, a deck of playing cards.

  5. I got a free coffee from Starbucks once. Good enough for me.

  6. When I was a kid Burger King used to send me a coupon book full of free shit I could claim on my birthday.

    And a paper crown.

  7. Firehouse Subs = free sandwich.
    No BS, no clubs, no emails, no “gotta buy a …”
    Show em your driver license, BAAM, free sandwich

  8. Girls: Sephora. You get awesome free samples

  9. My last job gave you a cake of your choice and a $25 gift card. Not bad for a small town grocery store

  10. Red Robin gives a free burger. You have to sign up for their red card. It’s free and you get a free burger for every nine you buy.

  11. [Medieval Times] (http://www.medievaltimes.com/) ! I have been getting a free ticket for my birthday every year !

  12. An exhaustive list, but figured some people may be interested:

    http://www.freebie-depot.com/birthday-freebie-list/

  13. The Army sent me on a 2 month field exercise…….

  14. My company gives all employees an extra payed (edit: “paid”? thanks.) day off to be used on their birthday. If their birthday falls on a weekend, they can use it the Friday before.

  15. Play Gran Turismo 5 and they’ll give you a race car. That’s pretty sweet

What’s an interesting thing from history most people don’t know?

  1. The Taiping Rebellion in China between 1850-64 against the Qing Dynasty led by a man who said he was Jesus’ younger brother. 20 million people died, making it more deadly than the First World War.

  2. Otto Von Bismarck once threatened to jump out of a window if the King did not agree with his plans for Austria. The prince walked over to the window, opened it, and told Bismarck to go ahead.

    He didn’t, of course, but I think it’s hilarious that he was so petulant.

  3. Charles II of Spain is a great example of inbreeding in royalty. His mother was his father’s niece, and because outbreeding in his family tree had completely collapsed, all of his ancestors could be traced back to Joanna and Philip I of Castile.

    He was the last ~~Hadsburg~~ Habsburg King of Spain and died in 1700 at the age of 38.

    Family tree: http://i.imgur.com/CnUatIO.jpg

  4. Peter the Great collected giants. He would swap with The Polish King, Russian dwarfs for Polish Giants.
    He also had a regiment of giants in his military

  5. Lenin was a big fan of cats, but he never named any, because naming them would imply ownership, which he opposed as a bourgeois concept.

  6. The federal government is still paying for two civil war pensions.

  7. In 1941 the British raided St.Nazaire in France so that Germany’s biggest battleship couldn’t dock in any dock in the Atlantic. Because they did this the German ship spent the whole war sitting in Norway and eventually it was destroyed by bombers.

  8. During WWII over 26,000 Jewish refugees fled to Shanghai and set up in the Shanghai Ghetto. Even today you can go to Hangkou District and see the Star of David worked into traditional Chinese architecture.

    Source: Grew up in Shanghai, wrote a big a paper on it.

    EDIT: Some more information for anyone who is interest. There was this cool dude named Ho Feng Shan who has a reputation for sort of being known as “”China’s Schindler.” He was a diplomat in Vienna who risked a lot to get Jewish refugees “protected passports” to enter Shanghai. Back then, Shanghai was an open-port city, so you didn’t need papers to enter, but the proper documents were needed in order to leave Austria (how fucked up is that?)

    Also, at the time, deciding to move to Shanghai was sort of like the lesser of two evils since it was under Japanese Occupation. In fact, Shanghai has an absolutely amazing history. It’s called The Paris of the Orient for a reason. For anyone looking to travel across China, don’t skip Shanghai. But I digress…

    After the war most of the 40,000 something Jews that lived in Shanghai ended up leaving, but a good handful stayed behind. If you are ever in Hongkou District go to the Shanghai Jewish Refugees Museum. It’s tiny and I think funded through donations, but it’s worth the visit, and you can go to the local synagogue right next door.. Definitely an interesting little piece of lesser-known history.

  9. Robert E. Lee had a hen named Nellie that was with him during his Civil War campaigns. She slept under his cot at night, laid him an egg every morning. Once she went missing at Gettysburg, and he had everyone looking for her…he was very distressed. Apparently, he was known for his devotion to his army and his pets.

    He was extremely fond of cats too.

  10. There was a guy that lived in San Francisco who declared himself the Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico. His cabinet consisted of two dogs. It seems like no big deal, but Joshua Norton was treated like a big deal at the time. People acted like he really was the emperor and thousands of people showed for the funeral… Of his dogs.

  11. Hitler didn’t refuse to shake Jesse Owen’s hand at the 1936 Olympics because he was black.
    At the start of the games, Hitler would only shake the hands of the German medal winners. Olympic officials told him, in order to be fair, he had to shake everyone’s hand, or no ones hand. Hitler choose the latter.
    The sad part is, in the words of Jesse Owens “Hitler didn’t snub me – it was FDR who snubbed me. The president didn’t even send me a telegram.”

  12. The Carnation Revolution of 1974 in Portugal was a military coup organized by army Captains that overthrew the ruling dictatorship and restored democracy. Only 4 people died when the Secret/State Police fired into the crowd before surrendering. I think it’s one of the most nonviolent revolutions in recent history.

    [Edit]: A word. Changed Military Police to Secret/State Police.

  13. Man, I could comment forever on a topic like this! I love obscure history.

    During WWII, the French and British were allies, but there was a deliberate attack where the two sides duked it out. The attack on Mers-el-Kébir has the British navy with an aircraft carrier, several cruisers and battleships, notably the HMS Hood fighting it out. The British sank a French battleship, and damaged several other ships. 352 men died, 350 of which were French servicemen. Here’s a wikilink!

    Edit: Thought I’d add another tidbit of history I like.

    During the Cuban Missile Crisis, the U.S. had a blockade of Cuba, and restricted anyone from going in. Russia didn’t like this. A Russian sub was going through the blockade. The American Navy found it, and despite being in international waters, the navy started dropping practice depth charges. The Americans thought it was a regular attack submarine. They did not know this sub was carrying nukes. The Russians thought a war had finally broke out. Three officers on board were authorized to launch. Two agreed to do so, with a third, Vasili Arkhipov disagreeing. Arguments ensured, and finally the sub surfaced and surrendered. One man stopped a potential nuclear war. Here’s a wikilink.

    Also another interesting thing about the Missile Crisis and the Manhattan Project. The reason the Russians didn’t take so long to build their own bomb, and why Stalin didn’t seem to impressed when the allies showed him the bomb was of course, he had spies. In fact one of the heads of the Manhattan Project was a Soviet spy. Later on during the Missile Crisis, official lines of communications were hampered and untrusted. The situation kept escalating. An unofficial channel had to be opened, and the Russian who help stopped the crisis, was the same Russian spy (obviously his name escapes me atm, if someone can help). He mentioned something along the lines of how guilty he felt for bringing the world so close to annihilation because of his actions earlier, that he had to do something to save his soul.

  14. One of the richest men to ever live was little known Mansa Musa of the Kingdom of Mali. He had access to all the gold mines of Ghana. In today’s money, his wealth is estimated to be around $400 billion.

    An example of how rich he was: On his hajj from West Africa to Mecca, he stopped in Cairo. He gave away so much gold there that the value of gold plummeted and didn’t recover for 10+ years.

    He had lots of gold, Jerry! GOLD!

    EDIT: I feel as though Mansa Musa himself has given me gold from the grave! Thank you, kind Mansa (or whoever)!

  15. That not only was it commonly accepted in many BCE societies that the earth was in fact round but also that in about 190+- BC, Eratosthenes mapped the circumference of the earth.

    He was so accurate that the next best mapping of the earths circumference-or the next most accurate calculation of its circumference- was 2000 years later, at the advent of satellites.

    His theory and calculations only worked because he knew the earth was spherical.

Girls of Reddit, what do you think is the best thing about being a guy?

  1. 1) Can go out topless without feeling ashamed.
    2) No periods.
    3) No birth giving.

  2. Short bathroom lines.

  3. The lack of shaving.

    Got hairy armpits? fine. Hairy legs? fine. Hairy face? Fine. Yet women have to constantly to keep bodily hair at bay.

  4. No period. Period.

  5. Having a penis. It just looks like it’d be fun to have.

  6. Standing up to pee.

  7. Being able to identify myself as my own gender on Reddit without getting creepy PMs.

  8. Aging for for a guy tends to be much better of a process than a woman, socially speaking. They are allowed to age gracefully moreso than women.
    Also men don’t have to answer to a biological clock like women do. I’m 30 and still haven’t found the “calling” to have a child, but to know that I have a pretty small window to plan for it kinda sucks, especially when I consider myself a late bloomer and just started figuring my life out.

  9. No periods

    No birth

    Having a dick (I wanna helicopter that mofo)

    Shirtless at a non nude beach

    And I’ve always wanted to know what its like for a guy giving the fuck, instead of being a girl receiving it.

  10. Being able to pee in public discreetly.

  11. People seem to be uncomfortable around girls trying to be funny. There have been many times when I’ve told a joke and no one laughed, then five seconds later a guy repeated my joke and the whole room cracks up.

  12. Guys can outfit-repeat and no one will notice!

    Guys: Have a suit/nice dress clothes for a Vegas trip/interview?
    Switch out 1 item: tie, dress shirt, pants = NEW OUTFIT.

    Girls: Gotta buy a new dress and new shoes, or borrow a dress/shoes from a friend who’s the exact same size as you, or wear something from 3 years ago because hopefully no one remembers you wore it (if it’s even still in style)!

    edit: a word

  13. Not being yelled at from across the street suggestive things when you’re just trying to walk to work.

  14. Not having like, 30% of people just assuming you’re a fucking retard right off the bat.

    Besides that, penises look like lots of fun.

    Edit: This may be worsened by the fact that I wear make-up, dress reasonably well, and try to style my hair. If I am at work in uniform, with neutral make-up and my hair pulled into a bun, I’m treated much more seriously. If I’m in my ‘being stylish’ look, I swear to god, strangers are fucking congratulatory that I didn’t kill myself on the way over.

  15. Your hormones are on a pretty even level all month long, once puberty ends. PMS, cramps, etc., really sucks.

    Edit: I forgot all about not having to go through menopause. Those hot flashes are a bitch.

What Country will having an American accent in get me laid?

  1. Russia.

    I’m an eastern European girl and I know these girls love their American accents in men. I’ve heard stories as well.

  2. Wait, an Australian accent would help you get laid in America? ^Australian ^Here

  3. What part of America is your accent from? The south sounds a lot different compared to the north east and both of them are different than the Midwest.

  4. Please be Sweden
    Please be Sweden
    Please be Sweden

  5. Blond hair and/or blue eyes is kind of crazy magical in South America. In Peru people would not leave me alone. I can’t even remember how many pictures women wanted to take with me. Funny thing is I’m gay so they were barking up the wrong blue eyed tree.

  6. Walmart.

  7. Not France.

  8. I am a frequent traveler with an American accent, I’ll try and weigh in on some of the more frequently mentioned countries and toss in a few others. These are based on my experience and those of my colleagues.

    Australia
    I lived for a year in Australia, and dated a few Aussie girls. Your yankee accent will get you nothing more than curiosity from the ladies. They won’t be hot for you simply because of your accent, but it can easily open up conversation. Some women may even just label you a “seppo” and want nothing to do with it.

    New Zealand
    Pretty much the same as Australia, but don’t even bother. There is a serious shortage of good looking women in NZ, making the sixes behave like tens. There are greener pastures than the land of the long white cloud. Sorry bros.

    Japan
    Women will love your language, not necessarily your accent. The Japanese love to practice their English, so picking up in Japan can be an easy task once you navigate your way around the boundary of etiquette.

    Ukraine
    Any Western accent in Ukraine is a good one. The women are gorgeous, but they aren’t after one-nighters. They want to have your babies, in your country.

    Sweden
    Surprisingly you’ll do well here. The Swedish all watch American television, and you’ll sound just like a movie star. They are sexually liberated, and amazingly gorgeous. Get out of the major cities and you’ll be a novelty. Just beware the exchange rate, your dollar isn’t worth much in Stockholm.

    France
    Fucking forget it. They want nothing to do with your un-cultured yankiness.

    Israel
    This is the gem nobody knows about. The women are stunning and they love Westerners. Blonde hair is a bonus.

    UK
    The UK is easy for any accent. Just get drunk and go for it.

  9. Not Guatemala. They’ll think it’s funny. Pretty sure they think all accents are funny.

  10. China or Japan, those girls eat that shit up.

    Source : Went to Japan, drowned in pussy

  11. Taiwan is a pretty good place for this. The girls there LOVE Americans. Just make sure to watch out for the crazies…some girl once introduced herself to me as “Sexy” and told me all about how Taiwanese girls all want to have children with American guys…

  12. Secret level for guys and girls. Any city with a sizable expat community, expat bars are the best hook up places in the world. Girls and guys show up from all over the world, they don’t know anyone, they’re looking to meet people, locals show up to practice their English and everyone bangs. I got more sex in Madrid in two years than I did in four years of college. 10/10, would move overseas again if I were single.

  13. “ctrl F: Germany” no results

    dammit

  14. England… Even if you have a Scottish accent you will get laid. And Scotland is right next to England.

  15. In Mexico, it’ll get you laid in a hospital bed without your wallet, phone or carkeys.

    Source: I occasionally visit Juarez

You wake up as Hitler in the middle of WW2, what do you do?

  1. Release second book: “Mein bad”

  2. Start learning German, fast.

  3. Don’t invade Russia.

  4. Reapply to art school

  5. If it’s today (April 20th), celebrate my birthday.

    Otherwise, shave.

  6. Go to Anne Frank’s hideout, and personally knock on the door. The look on everyone’s faces would be priceless.

    Edit: Forgot how to spell “go.”

  7. Eva Braun, presumably.

  8. So I wake up in control of Nazi Germany and I’m already at war with both Russia and the United States. The Americans aren’t over here in force but my assault into the Soviet Union is starting to stall. Here is my plan.

    1) Cancel the Holocaust, this is obvious

    2) I double down efforts to rebuild the Luftwaffe. Germany doesn’t stand a chance without it.

    3) Forget most of the wonder weapons and speed up research on jet engines we’ll need them before 1945 to stand a chance.

    4) Get the Army to start making some fucking half-tracks and trucks.

    5) We’ll need oil and a lot of it. Iraq is easier to take over than Russia. Nazi’s are on the way to Baghdad.

    6) I have Mussolini removed immediately and replaced with someone competent. Can’t have that dumbass screwing up the Axis.

    7) I’m gonna do my best to build discontent and rebellion in the British colonies. The British can’t afford to fight a war in Europe and serious insurgencies in India, Africa and the Persian Gulf.

    8) Hopefully the previous Hitler hasn’t royally fucked public opinion of the Nazis in Eastern Europe. We’re need a lot more soldiers than Germany can muster alone. I’ll be nice to the Eastern Europeans and start arming them to fight against the Russians. I’m guessing the Ukrainians, Estonians and Lithuanians are kind of fed up with Stalin by this point.

    9) Get Franco to stop being a pussy and close of Gibraltar. Fascists don’t get to sit this one out and Spain is gonna need to join the Axis.

    10) Get German women to work in the factories, we’ll need everything we can to stand up to the American war industry.

    11) Share all of our tech with Japan, they’ll have a hard time winning in China or the Pacific without better tanks and rifles.

    12) Stop the all front advance into the Soviet Union and concentrate on digging in and gaining the support of the locals (who I’m sure have no interest in returning to Stalinism).

    13) Emphasize development of effective air defense. Need more radar, AA, fighters, focus on building SAMs instead of V-2s

    14) Don’t have much of a Navy so the Axis are gonna need to get some form of Naval Aircraft to help prevent the Allies from crossing the English channel.

    15) Probably still lose but if we can build up enough air defense to protect our industry and get those nukes first we’d stand a chance.

  9. Invade the middle east, dig up that oil, dominate the world.

  10. Make an AMA and finally make it to the front page of Reddit.

  11. Listen to my generals

  12. Change my name and identity to Tupac and start the hip hop revolution of the 40’s.

  13. Pretend to be Charlie Chaplin.

  14. Everything Hitler did + Nazi themed amusement park

  15. “Ah yeah, I’m in the 40’s, I’m going to kill Hitler” looks in mirror. “Oh shit, I’m Hitler!”