If America was invaded, how would it be done?

  1. Texas here.
    We masterbate at the thought of killing someone breaking into our house. Imagine the boner we would get from someone breaking into our country?

  2. Military here.

    It would be very difficult.

    1. The US is separated from pretty much everyone else by oceans. In order to invade, you have to go across the water. The US has the biggest and most advanced navy in the world, and is also supported by the most extensive network of satellites in the world. If any country were to try to send forces across the water, they would get very badly fucked up.
    2. The US has a massive amount of force in places that could be invaded. Notice how most of our bases are in coastal areas? (Georgia, North Carolina, Virginia, California, etc) They’re there for a reason – an attack is not going to come from Kansas. So, not only do we have a lot of firepower, it’s already in the best spot for an invasion.
    3. The US also has an extensive logistical support network. It’s not just the interstates – we also have rail lines, a massive number of airports, and canals. So, reinforcements can easily be sent wherever they need to go.
    4. The US is big. Attacking a country that large is a logistics nightmare – it’s similar to going through Siberia to conquer Russia. You’re going to get spread thin, and then you’re going to starve and get routed.
    5. Remember those airports? We also have a really big air force, so any attempts to use paratroopers, use close air support, or ship supplies by air are going to have problems.

    Basically, to conquer the United States, you’ll need to beat the Navy, destroy the Air Force, and then fight the Army and Marines, who are likely to have dug in very well. I’d estimate a force of about twenty million people would be necessary, especially if the US drafts every man of military age and starts giving them guns. I would probably do the assault from the Pacific Ocean and invade somewhere in the Northwest. You’d end up forcing the Marines to move all the way up from Camp Pendleton to Oregon or Washington, so it would be a more even fight than trying to attack San Francisco or something crazy like that. From there, you would consolidate and begin moving south, then make your main push through the Southwest on I-10 toward the East Coast.

    Attacking the East Coast would be much, much harder, mostly because we have a lot more military personnel there and there are fewer quality places to make a landing. I would probably land in Boston Harbor and then go south, trying to get to DC as fast as possible. From there, you would probably establish all of the Northeast as your home base and start pushing south toward Georgia, then go on the I-10 toward the West Coast. Avoid the plains because there’s very little there.

  3. It would be a bad idea. Go to a gun range in the south on a Saturday and you’ll see guns you’ve only seen in call of duty, women with pink assault rifles, kids with childsize guns. People would treat an invasion like a sporting event. You’d have jacked up trucks filled with people who’ve been killing things since they were children racing to find the invaders.

  4. From the inside.

  5. Nice try, Mr Putin

  6. I just go in with bomber wings, tank armies and modern infantry armies until I take their palace.

  7. Ever seen Red Dawn? Yeah nothing like that.

  8. According to this it couldn’t be done.

    http://www.vice.com/read/we-asked-a-military-expert-if-the-whole-world-could-conquer-the-united-states

  9. The United States has one of the most massive armed forces, so therefore a type of standard military attack would be ineffective. The only possible way the cripple the United States would be unorthodox.

    Unorthodox methods such as super contagions, nuclear weapons, aliens, cyber attacks, the Illuminati, or Minecraft.

  10. Peacefully, from within.

  11. By tricking people into electing a foreign-born, secret-muslim radical socialist manchurian candidate President of the United States. MUAHAHAHAHA!

  12. There is no way for anyone to invade the US. It’s a geographic, demographic, logistical, financial, resource-wise and every other way impossible. There is a reason why the japanese just did a hit and run on pearl harbor instead of attempting to invade hawaii. There is a reason why the british just burned a room in the white house and ran in 1812.

    If the US were to be successfully invaded, it would have to be aliens with superior technology. The US can be destroyed in a nuclear war, but it can’t be successfully invaded.

  13. With 500 million autonomous kill-bots.

    When the price to manufacture a kill-bot comes down to 100$? 50 billion buys you any country you want.

  14. First, they would have about a dozen or so carrier ships enter the atmosphere and hold position over strategic cities; say, New York City, Washington, DC, and Los Angeles. Then, they would synchronize their attack with a coded signal that counts down until the moment when each carrier ship’s directed energy weapons destroy large swaths of the cities (I’m talking, like 20-50 square mile destruction zones). After the first strike, the carriers will simultaneously move to other strategic cities. The carrier ships will need a protective force field, because the US will likely attempt a nuclear strike after learning the attacking military is hostile. Finally, the only way the attacking military can hope for successful destruction of the US is to mitigate the threat of wiley drunken dustcropper pilots that are handed F-18s as a last attempt to defend the country.

  15. Wolverines!

If the guests at your 100th birthday party were Just 100 you’s, one for every year of your existence, what would happen ?

  1. We’d make up categories to peak in and debate what year they happened.

    Most physically flexible: age 22.

    My future was most promising: age 11.

    Ate the most tacos: age 19.

  2. Does this mean you have to go to your 100th birthday party every year?

  3. Cliques would form of course

  4. I would beat the shit out of my teenage selves for making all of those dumbass decisions.

  5. 1-3 would be taken care of by 35-37. 4-7 would be pretending to be Power Rangers. 8-12 will be playing Pokemon. 14-16 would be playing Yu-Gi-Oh. 17-20 would sneak off to smoke weed. 21-24 will try and play Pokemon with 8-12. 24-34 will be talking about school and jobs. 38-49 will be gorging themselves. 50-65 will be chilling talking about old times. 66-100 will be sitting still the whole time just wanting to leave.

    Edit: Forgot about 13. Either sent upstairs for being a moody little bitch or being anti-social and playing Runescape on the computer. Also fixed some words.

  6. At this party there would be 99 people who all feel a God-given right to be the only one allowed to speak and one baby.

    I could also envision one of us getting drunk and seriously ask another one of us for a handjob, loudly arguing that it’s philosophically equivalent to masturbation. That would most likely be 20 year old me, who was a button pusher. 37 year old me might have agreed to give him one just to watch that smug little prick back down.

  7. 55 gingers, 15 salt n peppers and 30 white haired people. Would be the 1st time in my life the gingers in one place would be in the majority!

  8. Worst party ever. Me at every age, annoying me at every age.

  9. I like this question.

    There would be 100 stubborn bastards just sitting there, feeding off of each other’s misery. No one would bother to talk, blow out the candles, sing, or exchange gifts.

    You know, either that or an orgy. Hard to tell.

  10. The older ones would blame the younger ones for everything bad about their lives.

  11. All the mes from 23 and up would surround 22 year old me and drill her on “WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU THINKING?!”

  12. Bizarre nostalgia! That or a mental illness diagnosis.

  13. Battle Royale.

  14. 100 people who can’t stand each other, just like every other family gathering I’ve ever been to.

Why do Facebook and YouTube change their layouts so often?

  1. They make changes to make money. Product teams inside of these companies are responsible for KPIs, or Key Performance Indicators. They often have very specific goals that feed into broader business goals.

    Facebook is extremely data driven. They might have a metric that tells them that people who post photos at least twice a month spend 10% more time on the sight than other users. So they will devise some UI changes to encourage the posting of pictures and then measure the impact against their large user base.

    These companies aren’t just bored or trying to ‘stay fresh’…they have very specific business goals and have the data to back up the changes that they make.

  2. There may be nothing wrong for you, but there might be for other users or demographics. I have a rule of thumb for my devs which says “Do you think your mother could use this?” and it’s an important one because our target audience is not just tech-savy males in their 20s or 30s.

  3. Because fuck the user.

  4. Well that’s internal information, so people who don’t work at one of the companies in question can only guess. I’ll take a shot at it, though.

    First, just because a certain design works doesn’t mean it’s perfect. Everything can be improved, and Facebook and Google probably think they’re doing exactly that.

    Second, changing things keeps the site “fresh”. Or maybe it’s better to explain with a negative – they don’t want things to become stagnant. There’s some psychology that dictates new things are better than old things, even if the new thing isn’t really any better. (See every iPhone release.)

    Third, you say no one is ever satisfied with websites changing, but the reality is the vocal people are never satisfied with websites changing. People who are satisfied just don’t say anything. The hard part is figuring out how many vocal people there are and whether they make any good points, which often they don’t. (Win8 removed the start menu! We’re all gonna die!)

    Fourth, designers may be trying to justify their existence by coming up with “improvements” all the time. I hesitate to add this point, because I don’t think it’s very likely and I know some guy who hates every redesign everywhere is going to run away with it, but there’s probably a few companies out there with this problem.

    Now you ask why reddit hasn’t changed. Most likely it’s because they can’t pay for it. Reddit is not a profitable company yet – they were just shy of breaking even last I heard anything – so they probably don’t want to pay for anything they don’t have to. Also, while they can change the layout of the site without too much trouble, adding images would take quite a bit of extra bandwidth, which is easy to translate into other costs. Looking good is expensive.

    credits to /u/IcyDefiance from http://redd.it/20o6kw

  5. It’s probably to justify a lot of jobs

  6. Same reason why companies update their logos and slogans: to freshen up their image and stay relevant in the public eye.

Why isn’t carbon monoxide used for executions?

  1. Use of Nitrogen asphyxiation has been suggested, as it would have little risk of pain unlike Carbon Monoxide or Carbon Dioxide, except members of the pro-death penalty lobby have opposed it as being TOO humane.

    >When asked if nitrogen would be a more humane way for the state to kill, the leading voice of the American pro-death penalty movement, Professor Robert Blecker, strongly disagrees.
    “If the killers who smash their victims on the side of the heads with hammers and then slit their throats go out in a euphoric high, that is not justice.”
    What makes any method perfect is completely subjective, says Mr Portillo. “For the pro-death penalty lobby, using a painless method of execution is inhumane to the victim of the crime.

    Source: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7183957.stm

  2. Because death by carbon monoxide is a really terrible death and would not be constitutional under the Eighth Amendment.

    That being said, Nitrogen, or “Inert Gas,” asphyxiation is painless. The human body doesn’t register a lack of oxygen. Rather it registers a buildup of CO2 in the lungs/blood. By breathing 100% nitrogen the body merely falls asleep and then dies of oxygen deprivation. It has been suggested as a means of execution, but I don’t believe any jurisdiction actually uses it.

  3. It takes a long time, and it can actually cause a great deal of pain. Also, I think putting someone in a gas chamber may ignite the response in some due to historical context as cruel and unusual.

  4. For that matter I’ve never understood why they don’t just put people out with anesthesia and then once we’re out kill us in any number of ways. If it’s humane enough for surgery why not executions?

  5. because carbon monoxide is cheap as fuck, there’s no money to be made here

  6. I think if we are going to execute people, we should use helium.

    If I ever have to “cash” myself out (illness that causes awful over the top suffering, etc.) this is what I’m going to use. Either that, or I’m going to go to New York or some other major city, get the absolute best smack I can lay my hands on and have one last hella rush while I check out.

  7. This video may help shed some light on why carbon monoxide is not used for execution.

  8. I’ve always wondered why we don’t use Nitrogen displacement. It’s painless, quick, leaves the body intact (organ harvesting, etc), and it’s cheap. If I ever end up with some sort of debilitating sickness where I’m in pain all the time and just want to die, that’s the way I’m going.

  9. Why not use a bullet to the brain? I don’t ask this to be stupid, but you are killing someone and lethal injection can sometimes not work or be painful, wouldn’t a bullet be quick and painless?

  10. Just thought I’d add, CO was used briefly by the Nazis in their quest for the final solution but was stopped after a combination of reasons including the time it took to kill and, apparently because the trucks had to be cleaned out after every use from the involuntary defecations.

    Source: HHhH by Laurent Binet

    I’m on my phone so forgive me

  11. I’m with OP. Seriously why isn’t it used? I’m only seeing asinine jokes and stupid references in this thread so far. I’ve read in so many places how people can die from it because they have no idea that they are experiencing it and they just… drift off. Why isn’t it used?

  12. Someone explain to me why they don’t use other gasses such as pure nitrogen, helium, or even nitrous oxide. These can both kill very quickly and have far fewer problems than carbon monoxide, on top of being completely painless.

  13. Would you rather suffocate to death, or fall asleep and never wake up?

  14. Honestly, the best method has to be a large caliber firearm. Guns are effective in suicide because they complete the act of killing a person very effectively.

    It’s gory as hell. But it also ends a conscious existence essentially immediately.

    (However, the state really shouldn’t be executing anyone.)

  15. If i had a choice for how they did it, I would ask that they take a large calibered pistol and put it square on my forehead and pull the trigger. i would actually do it myself if it was state ordered and I was guilty(im not the type to pretend i didnt do something and accept responsiblity pretty easily). Just give me one round, or they could easily make a machine with a button, I just got to put my head in or something. There was a guy last night in Texas that took over half an hour…fuck that. Clean headshot anyday.

What really happens when country A’s leader calls country B’s leader, where the language isn’t the same?

  1. Both leaders have trusted translators who are also on the line. It’s a big teleconference.

  2. They have trusted >interpreters< on the phone with them, not “translators,” since interpreters deal with the spoken language and translators work with the written language. For Obama that’s an interpreter from the U.S. Department of State.

    Fun Fact: The actual “Presidential Hotline” is not a red phone, or a phone at all, it’s a data link that produces text, and hence requires translators, not interpreters. It’s also officially called the Direct Communications Link (Liniya Pryamoy Svyazi in Russian).

    Source: I’m a former Presidential Hotline translator.

    Edit: Putin does not speak English. Even if he did, he would never deign to speak to Obama in English because there’s still a great deal of nationalistic pride associated with the language, especially for Putin, to say nothing of the complexity and sensitivity of the discussions, which would really require him to be bilingual.

    Even at G-8 meetings where the leaders share a common language they actually almost never use that common language. All the interpreters are just out of camera range when all those photos are taken.

  3. I know for larger functions, such as the UN, everything is translated from its native language into English, and then into the other language.

    Example: Russia wants to ask Italy a question. Russia submits its question to a translator who translates it into English. Then that is translated to Italian, and is given to Italy.

    The reason for this system (instead of a direct translation from Russian to Italian) is because of the sheer amount of translators that would be required.

    If you have 10 countries that all wanted to talk to eachother using direct translations, then you would need 100 (edit: 45 or 90, see /u/thefulleffect’s post below) translators, 10 for each language. By using English as a middle ground, you only need 10 translators, each of them need to know English and one other language. So it is much more efficient.

  4. Why would you need two translators?

  5. Putin speaks English.

  6. Putin: В Крыме нет никаких российских солдат.

    Obama: What is he saying?

    Biden: He’s talking about the weather, I think.

A person claiming to be you from the future confronts you: what do you ask them to confirm that they are you?

  1. What song did you used to play on repeat while secretly roller blading around the basement in the middle of the night in middle school?

  2. “How old were we when we lost our virginity?”

    “Still hasn’t happened”

    “Notsperrys!!!”

  3. What did you shove in your ass that one time and freaked out because you thought you’d have to go to the E.R. and have it removed?

  4. “When you were five years old you were playing with an earth worm in your backyard – what song did you sing to the worm?”

    “Beat it – Michael Jackson”

    “Awesome! Let’s talk lotto numbers.”

  5. Me: “What did my hamster, fatso, die of?”

    Old me: “Anal bleeding”

    Me: tears flow down my face

  6. What is my one and only wish for the afterlife?

  7. Who did you have a crush on in kindergarten?

    Fuckin’ nobody knows that. Except me.

  8. In the third grade you got into a fight on the playground, who did you get in a fight with?

    I never got in a fight with anyone, this exposes the fraud.

  9. TIL I can trick half of reddit into believing I’m them from the future.

  10. I don’t confirm it. We just go on an adventure together.

  11. If I tell Reddit then I’d have to think of another one or else it could be a trick.

  12. What is my reddit username?

  13. Who was girl #4, and how did she pronounce the word “pussy”?

  14. Everybody is asking really standard questions:

    How did you get that scar?
    How old were you when you lost your virginity?
    What is the name of my first pet?

    If you really want to confirm it is you, you have to ask something really embarrassing. Something that you’ve never told anyone and will take to your grave.

    Something like “what is the most embarrassing and regretful thing you’ve done to masturbate?”

  15. Did i passed the college?

The 15 biggest waste of money

  1. My dad oversees various remodeling and construction. His company was doing a remodel of a woman’s bathroom, and he was in charge of figuring out what materials she wanted to use. She immediately said, “What is the most expensive type of tile? I want that.” He said she didn’t even care what color it was or what it looked like. It cost her 10 grand.

  2. I work for a cell phone provider in North America and have seen some pretty outrageous purchases but by far the worst was a pregnant woman (6 months pregnant) come in and buy two 64GB iPhone 5S’s with 2 cell phone plans that were more than $100 per month. At first I thought it was for her husband or something but then she tells me “I am not an iPhone person but my psychic tells me that these two bundles of joy in me are, so please keep the boxes sealed. We want them to open them when they are born.”

    She was buying iPhone’s for her unborn children and wanted to give the phones to them as presents for being born…

  3. My ex-girlfriend had an obsession with phone psychics. Not all at once, but over the course of a single year she spent over $15k getting ‘life advice’ from multiple psychic lines.

    No one in her circle of family or friends could convince her to stop. I haven’t spoken with her in a few years but I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s still wasting her money on them.

  4. Woman came into the 7-11 I work at, bought $1700 worth of $20 scratch cards, scratched them all off, won about $100 back, complained how “these things are rigged,” and left.

  5. My sister won $25,000 on a scratch ticket years ago and she’s been on welfare forever and has 2 kids. Instead of improving her financial situation by going to school and learning some skills or getting something useful like a car, she spent it all on 2 leather couches(which her 3 dogs destroyed about 2 years after) and her wedding(she left her husband almost a year ago).

  6. I watched my buddy blow about $500 dollars at a strip club one night. The saddest part was, he thought the dancer was really into him.

  7. My former boss was putting in a backyard patio. She and her husband went to Home Depot in their Jaguar to buy some bricks for the patio. While there, they realized they didn’t want to bring the bricks home in their Jag. They walked across the street to to a Toyota dealer and bought an FJ Cruiser so they could bring their bricks home. They had no intention or need to buy a car. Oh, yeah, they put the entire vehicle purchase on a credit card…and they kept the vehicle…

  8. I watched some drunk ass wander up to a craps table in Vegas, plop down $7500 in markers on a “hard 8” bet at the craps table, lose on the next roll, and walk away looking like he had no idea he’d just lost.

  9. I watched somebody bet on all the numbers in roulette. One of the dumbest things I’ve ever witnessed.

  10. I witnessed someone spend their one and only inheritance of $250K in less than a year. Invested none of it. Knew he would too.

  11. As an IT guy, it boggles my mind how many hundreds of thousands of dollars companies will shell out for software that clearly overlaps with something they already own but aren’t utilizing, only to turn around shelve the software for years without even using it to its full potential.

  12. I used to work in a high end electronics store. You guys think monster cable is a rip? I’ve sold people thousands of dollars worth of cables. The worst example I can think of is a guy that wanted high end speaker cable for his rear channel speakers in a surround sound system. I think they wound up at $1000 for each speaker. Total we’re talking about over $5k in cables.

  13. $20 million on a SAP implementation that had to be scrapped.

  14. My brother got a $4,000 tax return. He has two kids and lives with our parents. Instead of spending the money on like 7 months rent, he spent over $3000 in parts on his Plymouth Neon. Body kit, turbo charger, intercooler, and rims on a 20 year old piece of shit car. He just recently totaled it because he drives like an asshole. Oh and he will be 31 years old next month.

  15. I went down to the Atlantis resort in the Bahama a few years back, which itself was a was to money, someone bought a pair of regular rubber flip-flops for $65 at the gift shop.

    Edit: To clarify, one could have walked over a small footbridge and out of the resort and bought a pair for $5.